The solitude of prime numbers

[Primenumber]

I know my problems are not the worst.
I know that a lot of people here have it worse.
I almost feel bad for feeling how I feel. Despite having a bad relationship with my dad and worrying too much about my mom I am lucky. I live in a good country without war, poverty, natural disasters. I dream big and see a future for myself. I love and I am loved.
And yet I feel like those problems are overwhelming me sometimes. I can't help but think about suicide and look out the window thinking about how much easier it would be, though I know I would never do it, as I would not leave the people I love. I'm scared of the future.
I have never told anyone about this; first of all I do not want to worry my mom, and secondly I have no friends who would ever understand it.
I feel so alone. In case you wondered, this is what my username referes to. It was inspired by the book/movie "The solitude of prime numbers", which compares two troubled teenagers to prime numbers; they can be close but never next to each other, never completely intimate.

Sorry, this is just a rant. I guess this is what being a teenager feels like. People with real problems, not just abstract anxieties, do not get offended by this post. I just felt like it helped to post it here.

[acidjoe]

I think it's awesome that you are thinking about others in your life. This is all extremely responsible of you and I give you credit for making it this far. Keep pulling through all the bad in your life. Things always look up in the end, and you are almost there. Let me know if you need anything at all. :)

[Jaffe]

they can be close but never next to each other, never completely intimate.

That is the perfect description of life. But it might not be so bad. I'm learning to live with it, and it's okay.

Emotions go all over the grid when you're in puberty. Extreme highs, extreme lows. The fact that you say it, that you can somehow sort it out enough to articulate it, shows -at least to me- that you already have some strength. You understand what is happening, and understanding it is huge.

I'm a right-now-is-all-there-is kind of guy. 3pm is the future, too far away to even contemplate. So the future doesnt scare me, because... there's no such thing. So that part of your issue, I won't pretend to understand.

Just hold on. Thats what my counselor tells me every week. Just hold on one more week, one more day, one more hour. And remember, the future that you imagine, or the future you are scared of, doesn't exist. It's a complete unknown, and whatever our imaginations fill it with, probably won't happen.

[Primenumber]

Thanks guys.
It is true i live in the future; it just seems so much better than now. You are right jaffed, it is a part of my issue. I simply rely on it so much, that i can't stand the thought of my anxieties and worries becoming true.

[Steve Jobs]

I'm with you on this, and you've found a pretty articulate way to describe the feeling!

I've found the biggest thing stopping us from finding such people is our fear, of the future and of the abstract. They're few and far between, but you are bound to run into someone where you'll naturally flow out of your shell and find mutual understanding, and once you find yourself and where you exist, life will begin to make sense.

A prime number may be segregated from the crowd but the world needs us. The law of mathematics in the universe will not exist the way it does if we remove a single number from existence!

[Primenumber]

I'm with you on this, and you've found a pretty articulate way to describe the feeling!

I've found the biggest thing stopping us from finding such people is our fear, of the future and of the abstract. They're few and far between, but you are bound to run into someone where you'll naturally flow out of your shell and find mutual understanding, and once you find yourself and where you exist, life will begin to make sense.

A prime number may be segregated from the crowd but the world needs us. The law of mathematics in the universe will not exist the way it does if we remove a single number from existence!

Thanks. I guess that's why the teenage years suck. It's all about finding yourself and people that understand the person that you have found.

[Steve Jobs]

Thanks. I guess that's why the teenage years suck. It's all about finding yourself and people that understand the person that you have found.

I wouldn't say the teenage years suck. You can make it the best time of your life! :metal: