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herguitar
June 16th, 2015, 02:46 AM
Hi everyone, I have a story that I thought I'd like to share with you all if that's alright, sorry to the mods if this belongs somewhere else...

I had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago at 13 weeks. I didn't know I was pregnant. Early on following intercourse I believed it was possible as something didn't feel right to me, but I took a pregnancy test 4 weeks after sex and it was negative. Now comes the first of the lessons I learned; don't take a test too soon, it won't come up. I then rationalized this in my head, trying to convince myself that the test was right. My main argument against my own instinct was that I had sex the night before my period was due, and I did get my period just a few hours later. This is meant to be the most infertile point in the menstrual cycle, I had thought. The second lesson I learned is that you always need to wear a condom, regardless of whether or not nature is on your side. Following this scare, I started taking the pill to make sure I didn't have to worry as much about protection in the future. When I finished my first round of pills I was confused that my period took 3 or 4 days to arrive and it was very light, but didn't worry because this was my first period on the pill. Then, I started having terrible stabbing cramp- like pains that grew closer and closer together throughout the afternoon. At this point, I was sure that there was something wrong with the pills I had been given and made a mental note to speak to my doctor about it. Then, while sitting in my room, I felt something unusually large travel rapidly down through me and begin to exit. What happened next I'd rather not discuss, but it was traumatic for me.

It still affects my life every day, even 2 weeks later. I feel depressed and upset and guilty and hurt. I still occasionally pass some fetal tissue, and am reminded each time of that day's events. I told the father at the weekend, when I saw him at the bar. He was shocked but sympathetic and he couldn't have been kinder about it. Now for the third and arguably most important lesson; telling people helps. A burden shared is a burden halved.

I'm lucky that the father in my case was understanding and kind, not everyone might have this blessing. But girls, never feel like you shouldn't tell the baby's father about these situations because you feel like it's "your problem" or like he doesn't need to know. These are not women's issues. They are for both parents to deal with in tandem, and he should be made aware so that he will see the damage caused and be more careful in the future.

Thank you for reading, although I doubt anyone has as I like to ramble! I just wanted to share this as I don't feel like there are enough discussions about teenage miscarriage online. If anyone is going through this, do not hesitate to respond or vm me... Xx

Gumleaf
June 16th, 2015, 05:46 AM
Thanks for sharing your story. As a guy I don't understand this like a girl would, but I do have a friend who's been through a similar experience. Like her, you have shown great strength and courage by sharing your story and how you have learnt from the experience. We all make mistakes in life, but it's how we react, deal and learn from them that is most important. Even though I'm assuming that you had an unplanned pregnancy, I can understand why you feel like you do these days and weeks on. Can I tell you that the friend I speak of told me that a few years after her experience, she still thinks about that time and is upset by it. So it's ok to feel that way. It's great that the father was so understanding and supportive, because you are indeed right, it takes two people to create a pregnancy. I hope time heals your wounds and I hope that process has begun by sharing your story.

xXl0sth0peXx
June 16th, 2015, 06:11 AM
This is a beautiful story. At the end of the day, your optimism is so huge, and crucial even. I've never been through this, so to say I truly understand is a lie. The fact that you've realized your mistakes and what you'd do differently is so huge, and so hard. You are such an amazing person, and don't be afraid to continue to reach out if you ever need anything. It's okay to grieve. I'm so sorry for your loss. :heart: