My (obvious) discovery about how to find love

[Xandle]

So, I thought I'd just put this here to help anyone who might be struggling with the same thing I did for a long time.

I know it may seem obvious to most of you, and if it is please ignore, but if you want to be with someone, you have to tell them. I used to sit around thinking that when the right person comes along, there'll be chemistry and it'd just sort of happen, but it isn't like that. At some point, one of you has to put it straight out there, and risk getting hurt. People expect it, and it may suck, but there's no getting around it. However you choose to do it, the one and only option is to straight up tell them.

So... hopefully that helps anyone struggling to come to terms with it like myself.

[ImCoolBeans]

Truth.

Even if you get denied, at least you tried. I always say "I would rather be the guy who tried and failed than the guy who always hoped and wondered what things could have been like." If you want someone to be in your life then you need to put that out there, otherwise they may never know and you could lose your chance.

[Xandle]

Truth.

Even if you get denied, at least you tried. I always say "I would rather be the guy who tried and failed than the guy who always hoped and wondered what things could have been like." If you want someone to be in your life then you need to put that out there, otherwise they may never know and you could lose your chance.

See it's funny, I adopt that idea completely in all other elements of my life... but find it so difficult with love. Perhaps because it's such a straight up, immediate and decisive response.

[Jaffe]

See it's funny, I adopt that idea completely in all other elements of my life... but find it so difficult with love. Perhaps because it's such a straight up, immediate and decisive response.

Or maybe because the risk of getting hurt is greater, and the potential pain might be greater.

[Syzygy]

True, but it's not as straight-forward as that. There's an inverse relationship between attractiveness and rejections; the less attractive you are, the more rejections (and pain) you'll need to go through to find a compatible person. For some people it's just not worth the emotional pain.

[Abhorrence]

I agree with OP, despite the fact it would be extremely hard to live that way. It is an obvious piece of advice but also very good.

[Fiction]

I think this applies to all areas of life, you have to ask to get what you want, and you shouldn't be afraid to ask for it.

[Xandle]

I think this applies to all areas of life, you have to ask to get what you want, and you shouldn't be afraid to ask for it.

This is very true. I guess I just find the only area where I struggle to knock on that door and ask, is love.

[Xandle]

Or maybe because the risk of getting hurt is greater, and the potential pain might be greater.

I mean, I think it's more to do with personal relationships. As in, I've taken big risks in my education and potential career that could've gone very wrong (and still could), but I think the difference is that it's a slow burning thing, with many opportunities, and the expectation to fail at some parts. More than that, when you get rejected in love, it has the potential to ruin a relationship you care deeply about.

[Laibachd]

Yes, there is no other wayy but being honest about your feelings.

[Cronor]

I saw this quote on reddit some time ago . . .

" everyone is trying to find the right person, but nobody is trying to be the right person. "