Friend post coming out

[Faolan]

So a friend of mine recently came out as gay (I'm gay as well). We still hang out and he says it's been great having me as a friend and as someone he can talk to about his sexuality.
When he first came out I messaged him telling him that I would be there to help him or give him advice whenever he needed it. The thing is though, now I've started to have feelings for him. What do I do? I like him a ton, but I don't want it to spoil our growing friendship, especially if acting off these feelings will make me seem manipulative.

[Straya]

some of the best relationships started off as been firendships

[ImCoolBeans]

some of the best relationships started off as been firendships

This is true -- but at the same time plenty of friendships have been ruined by somebody wanting to make it more romantic than the other person.

If I were you I would tell my friend about the growing feelings you have for him. I always say that I would rather be the guy who tried and failed than the guy who always wished and wondered. The closure alone is worth it to me, and you never know. Telling him could open up a whole set of doors for you and could mean great things. I wish you well with whatever you decide to do.

[Vermilion]

So a friend of mine recently came out as gay (I'm gay as well). We still hang out and he says it's been great having me as a friend and as someone he can talk to about his sexuality.
When he first came out I messaged him telling him that I would be there to help him or give him advice whenever he needed it. The thing is though, now I've started to have feelings for him. What do I do? I like him a ton, but I don't want it to spoil our growing friendship, especially if acting off these feelings will make me seem manipulative.

Just go for it :)

[PsychoticReality]

I suggest you tell him how you feel, if he does not reciprocate those same feelings- do not push the matter as this won't help either of you. If your feelings continue to grow and you really can't handle being around him, distance yourself for a while and explain to him you don't want to lose him as a friend but you need to get your head in gear. My friend went through a similar incident with her friend last year.

[Faolan]

I think I'm going to tell him soon. If he doesn't feel the same way/doesn't want to be more than friends I won't do anything, and hopefully we can still be friends. If not, it's summer & then we're both off to college on opposite sides of the USA.

This all being said, though, I still have doubts. When he came out I approached him as an advisor and support system, wouldn't admitting my feelings/wanting more from him be a shady thing to do?

Posts merged. Next time, please use the "Edit" button. ~Elysium

[paletanner]

So a friend of mine recently came out as gay (I'm gay as well). We still hang out and he says it's been great having me as a friend and as someone he can talk to about his sexuality.
When he first came out I messaged him telling him that I would be there to help him or give him advice whenever he needed it. The thing is though, now I've started to have feelings for him. What do I do? I like him a ton, but I don't want it to spoil our growing friendship, especially if acting off these feelings will make me seem manipulative.

i think you just have to tell him how you feel. it might not go very well, but you have to tell him. you two are friends so you owe it to each other to be honest.

[Faolan]

So I thought I'd update this with what's happened since I started this thread. We've hung out twice since school got out, and I think we've both really benefitted from having someone the other can relate to, someone who's not theatrical and doesn't feel the need to make a huge spectacle out of being gay but still manages to be himself.

Today we went on a hike and at the top we just sat and talked for at least a half hour. As we got up to go down though, I realized it was now or never to tell him, so I did. He was so chill about it and he thanked me for being open and honest, but he really just needed to have a platonic relationship right now, not what very well might have turned out to be a summer fling. We're gonna remain friends, and I'm really happy for it, almost relieved actually

[Abhorrence]

Glad to hear that you're happy with the outcome! Sometimes it is just too soon to go straight into a relationship, who knows it may be different in the future if you both want it to be.

[Faolan]

Yeah maybe in the future. I think part of it is just that it's summer and we're off to college come late August. Doesn't make sense to start anything big. We'll both be home for breaks though, so we'll see then.