End of the Year Meltdown

[xXoblivionXx]

Yesterday I officially finished junior year, I barely made it though. On Thursday, I had a meltdown more or less and attempted suicide. I don't want to get into to many details but I ended up in the ER and then in the hospital for the rest of the weekend. Since then I kind of been boarder line suicidal. My parents and family have been keeping a close eye on me, no driving, no access to medicine (they give me my one pill of the mood stabilizers that I'm on a day because I ODed on the rest of my Lexapro so now I can't take my own meds.)

So the thing is, I guess I kind of wish it worked. I still feel like life isn't worth it. I kind of hope that I just don't wake up one day. I'm not sure if I would do it myself, not now at least. But I just don't want to live with the depression for the rest of my life. My parents are pretty supportive but they keep telling me that it's just "the teenage years" and that I will grow out of it eventually. that I haven't seen enough of life to judge it and say it's not worth it. But it's possible that I will have depression/anxiety for the rest of my life. I don't know how to deal with it all the time, I don't just want to numb myself for every :(

[Microcosm]

xXoblivionXx

What has helped me with depression, and what I believe may be able to help you, is to find purpose. Depression is often the natural effect of having a life which has lacked purpose. Your brain is trying to find purpose; however, the conventions of the world around you are not allowing your mind to sense any real purpose to be alive. Thus, you feel empty.

The key, though, is to recognize this problem and lend your unconscious mind a conscious hand. You have to find your reason to live that suits you. It's different depending on the kind of person you are. You just have to explore your mind and look for a purpose calmly and without the bias of depression. Meditate on purpose, and strike down the bias of depression in the process.