Brother/Sister

[ClaraWho]

I'm really nervous about posting something this personal online, I'm sorry if it's icky or if it's banned (though I don't think it should be), but I really need opinions :(.

My brother (2 years older than me) only came into my life when I was 10, as he'd been living with his mother until she died in a car crash. We quickly became best friends and when I was 14 1/2 I started to have much deeper feelings for him. On my 15th birthday he gave me such a wonderful birthday that when he surprised me with the final gift I lost it and kissed him :wub:. Well it turned out he'd been feeling the same way. Sorry, background info was needed.

So anyway, it's been a year and we are boyfriend/girlfriend and all that being in love entails. We've discussed the consequences of our decision, and I'm not asking for your opinion if you agree or disagree directly with our choice.

I'm just so fed up of hiding our love and never having time alone. My parents entertain diplomats and foreign dignitaries in our house each night, confining my sister and I to our shared room (she's 17).

Which brings me to the long winded questions;

1) For those of you with both a brother and a sister, or indeed brother/brother or sister/sister, how would you react if you found out they were romantically involved with each other? Do you think you could come around to being accepting of it?

2) If you could, what level of affection would you be comfortably witnessing between the couple?


~Clara

P.S. this isn't experimenting or a phase, I assure you. I tried to stop loving him but I couldn't. Those were dark times.

[tret123]

1) personally i don't care.... But I wouldn't do it myself... Because that's your sibling, I could see if you were related through Marriage of y'all parents but... I can't see myself doing that with myself especially because she's 6 and I'm 16... And that's just some creepy shit..... I honestly don't think the world aka society could come around to accepting it... Especially your family.
2)honestly I don't care, they could kiss and all that good stuff and I wouldn't mind, they could even fuck and I still wouldn't care. But i would be the look out in case our parents come ... This is speaking that we are all older 14/15+





Personally do whatever you want! Whatever makes you happy! At the end that's what is really the most important! Ok I know that it might be hard for society to accept but backing in the Egyptian times and Greek times, incest was the norm. So basically, FOLLOW YOUR Heart! But depending on where you live, it's illegal.

Contact information removed. ~Elysium

[Bmble_B]

1) I honestly would be shocked at first but commend them for building up the courage of coming out and saying it.

2) I never really was comfortable around PDA whether at school or at home :P

[Gwen]

1) Love has no boundaries I guess. I couldn't condemn them for following their hearts so to speak.

2) The same I expect from every couple, keep it below making out while in public.

[jssixna]

1) If my siblings were romantically or if even sexually in love, I'm not going to lie I would freak out. It's just morally wrong. This isn't Egyptian times anymore (first reply). I would still love my siblings but it'd be awkward and odd.
2) I have no right to stop them but I would disapprove of kissing and definitely sex. This sounds elementary but I'd only be comfy with them hugging/holding hands.

I'm not trying to offend or hurt you. I apologize if I did.

[ClaraWho]

Thank you everyone for your responses, most of them supportive. I totally understand the freaking out at first and hey, it took me ages to wrap my head around.



1) If my siblings were romantically or if even sexually in love, I'm not going to lie I would freak out. It's just morally wrong. This isn't Egyptian times anymore (first reply). I would still love my siblings but it'd be awkward and odd.
2) I have no right to stop them but I would disapprove of kissing and definitely sex. This sounds elementary but I'd only be comfy with them hugging/holding hands.

I'm not trying to offend or hurt you. I apologize if I did.

I understand people naturally feel it is inappropriate, but why is it 'morally wrong'? We aren't hurting anyone yet we are made to feel like criminals...

In terms of just holding hands, cuddling - at this stage I'll take any contact I can!

~ Clara

[Airrd]

I don't know how I would feel about it personally because I feel like I don't have the right to judge others I believe that only God can judge others because It's not my place to judge others. It is not my place to say if something is right or wrong, but that means that I would probably remain neutral but also help if I could I guess

[Microcosm]

I don't have any sisters, but I think it's something I could grow to accept if I did. If you really love him, then I guess there isn't much problem other than little petty moral disputes. Love is stronger than little petty moral disputes, though.

[jssixna]

Thank you everyone for your responses, most of them supportive. I totally understand the freaking out at first and hey, it took me ages to wrap my head around.

I understand people naturally feel it is inappropriate, but why is it 'morally wrong'? We aren't hurting anyone yet we are made to feel like criminals...

In terms of just holding hands, cuddling - at this stage I'll take any contact I can!

~ Clara

For me, I think of it this way. You grow up together your whole life. The boy is usually told at a young age to always protect his sister from bad guys. They are never told to actually "date" their sister. Society encourages a boy to not be romantically nor sexually involved with a sibling. Even laws were made. When I said morals it made me sound old school. Pardon that, I just find it unseemly.
Again Clara, I have no right to judge you. You can love whoever , but it's just an opinion. Good luck

[drhalsey1]

Personally I'd be fine with it and be fine witnessing whatever, and I have no room to judge especially since I've never been in a relationship so it doesn't really affect me, plus I do like one of my family members as well, not as close as siblings but family nonetheless

[SethfromMI]

do not date your siblings. I don't care if they are full, half, or even step. just don't do it

[ClaraWho]

do not date your siblings. I don't care if they are full, half, or even step. just don't do it

That wasn't the question, although he is my full brother. I can infer your answer from this, but I specifically asked you don't give opinions telling me not to date him.

I don't have any sisters, but I think it's something I could grow to accept if I did. If you really love him, then I guess there isn't much problem other than little petty moral disputes. Love is stronger than little petty moral disputes, though.

I've never loved anything or anyone more. Trust me, all this went through my mind when I was trying to decide to make a move, it was heart wrenching...

Thank you everyone for the generally encouraging words, the opinion seems to be that you could grow to accept it (if you have issues with it initially). This gives me hope, but I'd also like some female input if possible.

I'm so torn about telling our sister, I know she wouldn't tell our parents or betray us, but she may be grossed out and it could start conflicts between us. I just want to be able to cuddle and kiss more than sneakily grasping seconds together once or twice an evening.

I don't want to be called a freak or made to feel like one in my own home...

~ Clara

[Uniquemind]

Wait I'm confused.

His mother died in a car crash, yet you are still referring to yourself having both parents? Wouldn't that mean your biological mother died too? Just perhaps you weren't close to her?

I can't relate. But you said you thought through all the consequences:

1. Social

2. Biological/Genetic

3. Legal


If you've really looked at all of those and researched how this decision can affect your lives then that's all up to you two.

[ClaraWho]

Wait I'm confused.

His mother died in a car crash, yet you are still referring to yourself having both parents? Wouldn't that mean your biological mother died too? Just perhaps you weren't close to her?

I can't relate. But you said you thought through all the consequences:

1. Social

2. Biological/Genetic

3. Legal


If you've really looked at all of those and researched how this decision can affect your lives then that's all up to you two.

Yes my biological mother died too, but my father remarried and to me his new wife is my mum. My biological mother left with him right after giving birth to me, and then spent 10 years without contacting me.

~ Clara

[Uniquemind]

Yes my biological mother died too, but my father remarried and to me his new wife is my mum. My biological mother left with him right after giving birth to me, and then spent 10 years without contacting me.

~ Clara

So I assume your brother is older?


So I just want to know you said you thought about the consequences but are you sure you covered all the bases?

1. You'd have to lead a secret life.

2. You couldn't ever file taxes as a married couple meaning ultimately you pay more than married couples to the government state and federal.

3. Having kids will be much more dangerous for the child given the shared genetics being too close.

4. Neither of you could ever take a job in the public eye, which will bar you from a lot of good 6 figure salary jobs.



--

You should also research phenomena of this type of attraction that has been documented.

The term "genetic sexual attraction" comes to mind and might explain the why and how these feelings are possible.

[ClaraWho]

ESo I assume your brother is older?


So I just want to know you said you thought about the consequences but are you sure you covered all the bases?

1. You'd have to lead a secret life.

2. You couldn't ever file taxes as a married couple meaning ultimately you pay more than married couples to the government state and federal.

3. Having kids will be much more dangerous for the child given the shared genetics being too close.

4. Neither of you could ever take a job in the public eye, which will bar you from a lot of good 6 figure salary jobs.



--

You should also research phenomena of this type of attraction that has been documented.

The term "genetic sexual attraction" comes to mind and might explain the why and how these feelings are possible.

As I already said, he's 2 years older than me. Why?

And Yes, I'm as sure as I can be sure for now.

1. We've been dating a year now. Fortunately I'm a 5 ft gingery/blond girl and he is 6ft 1 with brown hair, so we don't exactly look to others as family. Two of our closest friends know about us and are supportive, helping us have time to spend the day together and I love them. We go on trips outside of our local, but the reason behind this post is due to the secret life and the toll of it. But I'm never ever giving him up.

2. There's more to life than paying less taxes.

3. Actually the risk is near identical to normal couples except in cases of already inherited genetic predispositions. It is only after the first generation that the risk dramatically increases. Obviously I would need my sister on side to help create a story to stop the kids knowing daddy and mummy are related haha but that we will come to eventually. For now, we are taking all precautions to avoid kids till we are ready and have a structured plan in place.

4. Simply not true. Changing your name by deed poll (even if only once) completely baffles most record departments. So for all non-governmental institutions or journalists, there'd be no way of legally telling. And you can't live life in fear of the illegal.

Also in terms of it being 'illegal' in some countries, that as may be, but nobody ever gets charged. There is a test in the UK that determines whether a case is brought before a court, it must be deemed 'within the public interest to prosecute'.

So yes, thanks, I have done my research thoroughly I think.

~ Clara

Oops, just saw your last lines now. The predisposition to NOT be attracted to family members only occurs if raised together before the age of 6, not due to genetics. I can't recal the name of the researched phenomenon off the topic of my head, but if you YouTube 'interpersonal attraction - incest' or google it, you may find answers.

[Uniquemind]

Yeah your talking about: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westermarck_effect


Psychology and sociology + math and business is hecka interesting.

I think I know what I'm going to major in at college when I get there

And I'm not judging, you guys have the freedom to do what you want provided your ready for consequences.


Other than that it's none of my business.

[ClaraWho]

Yeah your talking about: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westermarck_effect


Psychology and sociology + math and business is hecka interesting.

I think I know what I'm going to major in at college when I get there

And I'm not judging, you guys have the freedom to do what you want provided your ready for consequences.


Other than that it's none of my business.

I'm going down the psychology & sociology route myself!

But you never answered the actual 2 questions I posed hah...

~ Clara

[Uniquemind]

I'm going down the psychology & sociology route myself!

But you never answered the actual 2 questions I posed hah...

~ Clara

Answers:

1. I couldn't relate to it. But I'd be indifferent to it unless I was running for public office or some job that requires the entire background check of my friends and family. In the latter case I'd have a problem.

Could I be accepting of it? Guess I'd have to be I don't really have a choice, it's either that or cut out those siblings from my social family circle.


2. Kissing (pecks), hand- holding, hugs. The standard stuff a child would be allowed to see in society.

[mcloete]

I couldn't agree more with the above comments

[Unlucky]

1) For those of you with both a brother and a sister, or indeed brother/brother or sister/sister, how would you react if you found out they were romantically involved with each other? Do you think you could come around to being accepting of it?

I would be shocked, I would eventually accept it though, love is love.
But I would find it wrong for them to have children as it could be harmful to the baby's mental and physical health.
Nothing against people with disabilities, my friend has arthritis. But why would you go and do something that would increase the likelihood of that?
I wouldn't find it fair to the child.
But as for them being in a relationship, I ultimately wouldn't care, though it would take some getting used to.

2) If you could, what level of affection would you be comfortably witnessing between the couple?

The same amount of affection I would see any other couple do in public. Like I said, I would accept them and their relationship. And by limiting their behavior saying "You're only allowed to hug in front of me." would be a contradiction to me saying "I accept you.".

[Legs]

I don't have any siblings and personally if I did I probably wouldn't get involved romantically with them. I wouldn't judge anyone though on there choosing this relationship because you both must be in love and knowing what people could say about it you came out about it. So I am happy for the both of you for doing that. It really shows that you are both serious about this relationship and in love.

As for seeing affectioning between siblings I would have no problem seeing hand holding, having arms around each other, hugs, and even smaller kisses.

[Stronk Serb]

1) Tell them to break it off or do ut secretly. Also I would advise them to tell no one.

2) Holding hands and cuddling.

Whatever you two do, think about the consequences.

[ClaraWho]

I don't have any siblings and personally if I did I probably wouldn't get involved romantically with them. I wouldn't judge anyone though on there choosing this relationship because you both must be in love and knowing what people could say about it you came out about it. So I am happy for the both of you for doing that. It really shows that you are both serious about this relationship and in love.

As for seeing affectioning between siblings I would have no problem seeing hand holding, having arms around each other, hugs, and even smaller kisses.

We both very much are, thank you for your kind words, made me smile!

Most of the answers have been positive, I'm just trying to work up the courage to tell my sister. I think it'd be better for me to tell her, than for her to catch us out!

Thanks everyone for all these responses, I never expected to get so many!

~ Clara

[Legs]

We both very much are, thank you for your kind words, made me smile!

Most of the answers have been positive, I'm just trying to work up the courage to tell my sister. I think it'd be better for me to tell her, than for her to catch us out!

Thanks everyone for all these responses, I never expected to get so many!

~ Clara
No problem. I also think mentioning this to your sister would be the best thing.

[Jaffe]

I really wouldnt care who the people were. Society may not like it, but it wouldnt matter to me if they were siblings. And they could do whatever they wanted, wherever they wanted. It wouldnt bother me to see them, any more than any other couple.

On the other hand, I cannot imagine, not even close to imagine, having a relationship with my sister. Its hard to imagine anyone liking a sibling that way, just because I've never been in that situation, not because I think it is wrong or anything like that.

[Devillain]

Lannisters would approve (sorry I just had to say that) :).

It might seem a bit strange to me, but you should not let your happyness be determined by the opinions of others about you. If you're happy then go with it. Also if you trust your sister and think you can tell her then why not?

Much luck!

[Kirina]

Actually the risk is near identical to normal couples except in cases of already inherited genetic predispositions.Correct. There is also other options (adoption etc). Whatever way the two of you deicde to get a kid, I support you.

Incestious relationships really don't bother me, especially so when it's between similarly aged siblings.

I think you can behave in public just as any other couple would do. Actually acquaintances that don't know much about you. They may pick up on the fact that all the other couples kiss, but not you. "What's up with them, why do they never kiss in public?". Want to be seen as normal? Behave normally. :P

Oh and I don't expect you to tell others that your an incest couple. Like if two girls/two boys, were to introduce themselves to me. They don't have to be like "Hello, we are a gay couple", it's enough to say "Hello, we are a couple". Honestly, it's enough to just say "Hello". Someday maybe people introduce themselves like this "Hello, we are a non-incest couple".

My female input is that you shouldn't be scared to tell your sister. Take my input with a grain of salt. I'm a sociopath and I think of myself as rational, but the only set of morals I have is from some story I heard in kindergarten.

"One shall not bother others, one shall be nice and kind, otherwise one may do as one pleases". That's the wikipedia translation, it really sounds better in Norwegian. Basically, if what you do is not harmful. Why should it be wrong doing it?

[rijames99]

Which brings me to the long winded questions;

1) For those of you with both a brother and a sister, or indeed brother/brother or sister/sister, how would you react if you found out they were romantically involved with each other? Do you think you could come around to being accepting of it?

2) If you could, what level of affection would you be comfortably witnessing between the couple?


~Clara

P.S. this isn't experimenting or a phase, I assure you. I tried to stop loving him but I couldn't. Those were dark times.

I know this is an old post, but figured I would respond, since my view has not been expressed by others.

1) I would be weirded out knowing my siblings were having sex. That said, I would certainly be accepting of it, as to not be would be to not accept them, to some extent.

2) In general, I don't like being an unwitting voyeur to a couple making out, etc. and would less like to see my siblings doing it to one another.
I'm sure I would initially be uncomfortable seeing them holding hands or kissing in a romantic way, but it's something I would get comfortable with, I'm sure.


You didn't directly ask us our opinion about telling your sister, but I'll offer mine anyhow. It's great you're sure you can trust her not to tell anyone, but...you're putting a tremendous emotional burden on her by telling her something BIG and her not being able to talk to anyone about it. Keeping a secret of that magnitude, really keeping it a secret and having no outlet to talk to anyone else about it can be difficult. It's not something like knowing you're having sex with your bf.

I say this from the perspective of having discovered a family secret, not nearly of the magnitude of yours, and being unable to discuss it with anyone for years. I have no difficulty keeping secrets, but there's an emotional need to discuss significant things in one's life.

I understand you and he want time alone. Doesn't he have his own bedroom?

On an unrelated matter, just curious, what kind of work do your parents do, that they entertain diplomats every night?

And what did your brother do which made your 15th birthday so wonderful?

Good luck with it all.

[Cadanance00]

I'd say it's telling that your bio mother left you when you were young and didn't have any contact with you. I think you might consider that you have abandonment issues around that and some good counseling would help. As for your attachment to your brother I don't think you need to beat yourself up about it. You say you don't want anybody to tell you it's a phase, but I think once you work out what you need to, the need will pass and you can get on with your life. It's not like you;re going to marry him and have kids with him. You will each find other people to have families with when you get through this.

Your sister doesn't need to know anything about it. It's your and your brother's business, and it will only cause her unnecessary stress. Good luck with it.

[ptz7649]

Is he a step brother or are you blood related, because I think that would make a difference

[ashdyn]

The majority of people on here can't possibly comprehend falling in love with or being sexually involved with a sibling because most of us grew up with our siblings...the dynamic is so different from having a boy just show up and start living with you. I know it doesn't feel like you're related because you didn't have that connection before but you still are. That presents so many challenges moving forward, legally you can't get married, you'll have to deal with your family and other people who might find out. I'm not going to tell you to stop loving him because you can't...I'm just going to tell you to try to love him in a different way. As for how I'd react if I was your sibling I'd probably unstand how it happened because of the circumstances of how he came to live with you guys but I'd also tell you to stop. I wouldn't hate you or anything but I'd just let you know it was a bad idea. I messed around with my brother when we were really young but I definitely didn't fall in love with him. I couldn't imagine how complicated that would have made my life.

[AutumnWinds]

just for the record, i feel like a lot of people are not giving you enough credit. i don't think that this situation is any type of proof that you have mental illness. we love who we love.

[Zack2]

I just think yuk and you should move on.

[Emerald Dream]

I know this is an old post, but figured I would respond, since my view has not been expressed by others.

1) I would be weirded out knowing my siblings were having sex. That said, I would certainly be accepting of it, as to not be would be to not accept them, to some extent.

2) In general, I don't like being an unwitting voyeur to a couple making out, etc. and would less like to see my siblings doing it to one another.
I'm sure I would initially be uncomfortable seeing them holding hands or kissing in a romantic way, but it's something I would get comfortable with, I'm sure.


You didn't directly ask us our opinion about telling your sister, but I'll offer mine anyhow. It's great you're sure you can trust her not to tell anyone, but...you're putting a tremendous emotional burden on her by telling her something BIG and her not being able to talk to anyone about it. Keeping a secret of that magnitude, really keeping it a secret and having no outlet to talk to anyone else about it can be difficult. It's not something like knowing you're having sex with your bf.

I say this from the perspective of having discovered a family secret, not nearly of the magnitude of yours, and being unable to discuss it with anyone for years. I have no difficulty keeping secrets, but there's an emotional need to discuss significant things in one's life.

I understand you and he want time alone. Doesn't he have his own bedroom?

On an unrelated matter, just curious, what kind of work do your parents do, that they entertain diplomats every night?

And what did your brother do which made your 15th birthday so wonderful?

Good luck with it all.

Please do not post in threads with more than two months of inactivity. :locked: