I don't know what to do... *possibly triggering*

[Jamie55]

I dont know what to do, who to talk to.

Ive been feeling bad over the past couple of weeks, and over the past 4-5 days I have started SH again to cope with it. I haven't SH for almost 2 years now... but ive hit rock bottom again, and I don't know what to do.

Just going to get some things off my chest before I do something stupid...
I don't want to go A & E as im scared. very scared, people will judge, not just my family but the people who know me, who I work with and probs the people at A&E. I had about 8 cuts until last night when venting to a friend on skype, when I lost it, and went a little overboard and cut myself up alot, about 20 times. See I don't want family involved... its not their problem and I dont want them worrying about me, as im worthless. I can't let work know about SH as I might even loose my job seeing as they specifically state that sick pay is not paid for any incidents related to self-injury. I dont have any friends that would come with me to A&E if I went, I lost 98% of my friends when i decided to do an apprenticeship instead of going to college, and now I only see 2 friends, 1 who lives a couple of houses down and 1 thats about 15mins away (Whos now on holiday, and stood me up last week. Yeah it made me feel horrible.). I get s**t from the lead developer at work, saying that anything I create is s**t...

But I dont know what to do... I feel like im going to do something stupid and then I would have wasted everyones time.

[Vermilion]

I dont know what to do, who to talk to.

Ive been feeling bad over the past couple of weeks, and over the past 4-5 days I have started SH again to cope with it. I haven't SH for almost 2 years now... but ive hit rock bottom again, and I don't know what to do.

Just going to get some things off my chest before I do something stupid...
I don't want to go A & E as im scared. very scared, people will judge, not just my family but the people who know me, who I work with and probs the people at A&E. I had about 8 cuts until last night when venting to a friend on skype, when I lost it, and went a little overboard and cut myself up alot, about 20 times. See I don't want family involved... its not their problem and I dont want them worrying about me, as im worthless. I can't let work know about SH as I might even loose my job seeing as they specifically state that sick pay is not paid for any incidents related to self-injury. I dont have any friends that would come with me to A&E if I went, I lost 98% of my friends when i decided to do an apprenticeship instead of going to college, and now I only see 2 friends, 1 who lives a couple of houses down and 1 thats about 15mins away (Whos now on holiday, and stood me up last week. Yeah it made me feel horrible.). I get s**t from the lead developer at work, saying that anything I create is s**t...

But I dont know what to do... I feel like im going to do something stupid and then I would have wasted everyones time.

Your not worthless! Your having a bad time and not dealing with it properly. You said you have sh before what did you do that time to stop ?

[Conqueror of Hearts]

People don't turn their backs that easily on someone they love, so telling a friend doesn't mean you'll loose him. I know how hard it is to talk about SH, people just can't understand that but that doesn't mean they will walk away from you.
Nothing that is happening is worth the harm you are doing to yourself...and no matter how hard the things are right now it will get better.
If you don't want to talk about SH with anyone, talk about things that made you do it again. Problems we all have are always our own, but that doesn't mean you can't talk about them with the people who love you and want the very best for you. There is nothing wrong in asking for advice or help.

Stay strong,
-xx

[Microcosm]

Jamie55,

You are absolutely not worthless, first of all. If you are worthless, then everyone is worthless. No one has any inherent worth. Worth is simply a human concept that makes people feel good, or it makes them feel bad. That is the only purpose it serves.

That being said, the idea that you are somehow inferior to those around you is absurd and it is completely a mirage created by people who want to make you feel bad. Society has created this world around you that makes you feel this way. It is not your fault. Self-harming is merely giving into this mirage, letting it control you.

Don't let it control you. You're stronger than that.