Just need some advice

[VEight]

Hello, I haven't posted in a long time, but I always returned to this site when I need help or advice and I need some. I started dating my girlfriend about a year ago, since then we've been inseparable, we've experienced most of the last year together, and struggled through it. When I first met her, I felt so compatible with her. We have many of the same interests, but are just different enough to keep things interesting. However, when I assumed the role of her boyfriend I also somehow ended up carrying her baggage as well. She has been through a difficult life thus far, and has ended up with anxiety because of it. She has panic attacks and is extremely insecure too. She feels the need to search through my cellphone history and gets extremely jealous if I even talk to another girl. I don't get why she has to act like this after everything we've been through, especially since she understands that some events have transpired in my life that have made me feel particularly depressed and anxious. We began fighting pretty frequently over me wanting to have privacy of my phone and how she suspects me of cheating. She brought it up at school a couple weeks ago and kept agitating me until I exploded (prompting me to get kicked out and forfeiting my credits for that quarter). I was so frustrated because of these bogus accusations,the timing and just recently found out that she is going to be working at the same summer job as me. I honestly don't mind breaking up with her for my sake, but it's just so hard because I do still love her. She has been my bestfriend for the last two years and my girlfriend for the last year. But I KNOW I can't carry on like this.. and I'm not going compromise my time at work because of her.. Any Advice?

[kama15]

Try to arrange somthing romantic like a dinner or just a movie and when she is comfteble tell her that trust is very important in a relationship. Tell her that you trust her and that she needs to trust you. Just my advise ok don't expect it to be the best solution. I don't really know how bad your situation is.

[Vermilion]

This is hard to answer, I think you need space and she should give it to you and trust. I'd say go on a break but that means it will probably end. It's your choice

[ClaraWho]

Hm. Have you sought counselling for your anxiety and anger issues? Has she?

The situation between you both is exacerbated by the external factors and environment you find yourselves in. You seem resentful that she has 'baggage', which she has 'burdened' you with. That she isn't able to support you, or that her problems are adding to yours.

A break may end the relationship as others have said. But it also may leave it recoverable. At the moment you are day by day adding more ill feeling.

Both of you are not capable of helping one another, and both of you need help. You could explain this;

I still love you, and I don't want anyone else. But we both need help, I'm going to see a therapist and I suggest you do too. I want this to work, and right now we are just ruining what we have and hurting each other. It's nobodies fault, we both have our problems and I'm sorry for the way I have treated you recently.

Therapy will help you recover from your own problems and give you a much better, more sympathetic insight into hers. Panic attacks, anxiety, depression - they are all mental problems that make you act in ways untrue and uncharacteristic to who you are. You'll both be in a much better place, for other relationships even if not with each other.

Good Luck,

~ Clara