TheRedViper
May 24th, 2015, 10:05 AM
I'm referring to a girl I've known since mid-2012. She moved to my school while we were both 15, and we became very good friends over the next year. By the end of 2013 we were pretty much best friends and mostly just hung out and talked with each other. Despite the fact that she's ridiculously good looking and I'm 'meh' and that she's extremely popular and I'm 'meh' again, we got along very well.
Anyway, to present day, she left my school at the end of 2013, but we've still remained friends, despite some rough patches (mostly caused by her extremely erratic personal life that used to include drugs and domestic violence, but now contains neither). We didn't see each other for six months, until a few weeks ago when we started texting again. Turns out she'd had a baby with her on-and-off boyfriend she'd had since 2013. She didn't get an abortion only because she had already done so a few times in the past and hated it. These very personal things she confides to me and very few others. We know each other better than pretty much anyone (except her boyfriend in most matters, but even then she's confided in me stuff he doesn't know, and probably shouldn't). He's always been jealous of me (as much as I find the situation ridiculous since I'm unbelievably jealous of him) and he sometimes makes attempts for her not to see me.
But yeah, basically she is the only girl I've ever actually cared about. It isn't about looks or sex (though she's playfully brought up the idea of sex between us in the past), but it genuinely is about how much I care about her and like her. She'd often in the past tell me she loved me via text, and whenever we see each other we always hug (it's always her that starts it, I'm too shy to), so I know she at least holds some care for me too. But now that she has a baby with her boyfriend, it's all different. She tells me she hates her boyfriend (she's said this consistently since 2013) and that the only reason she's with him is because she doesn't want her baby to grow up without a father like she did herself, but she also told me her mum wants them to get married by the end of the year (she'll be 18 by then). She didn't sound pleased by it, but the way she talks about it all makes it sound like she doesn't intend on leaving him.
I know it's stupid of me to expect her to leave him now, or that I'd have any chance with her, and I'll like and respect her no matter how she goes about her life, but... I just can't get over her. She's so different from any other girl I've met or talked to. She has this fire in her, this passion and intensity and love of life that sometimes goes too far, but she is also intelligent and caring. The other girls I see around me at school I have less than no interest in. They're all either so shallow or so... boring. I know I should just move on, but I just can't. There's no other girl like her, and I can't possibly imagine liking or caring about any other girl nearly as much as I do her. What other girl knows me as well as she does? What other girl gets our little inside jokes about things that no one else does?
Urgh, I sound so pathetic, and I know I do, but this has just plagued my mind for so long now I can't help it. I apologise for how long this post was, and it's really more of an airing out of my own stupid thoughts than a question.
Anyway, to present day, she left my school at the end of 2013, but we've still remained friends, despite some rough patches (mostly caused by her extremely erratic personal life that used to include drugs and domestic violence, but now contains neither). We didn't see each other for six months, until a few weeks ago when we started texting again. Turns out she'd had a baby with her on-and-off boyfriend she'd had since 2013. She didn't get an abortion only because she had already done so a few times in the past and hated it. These very personal things she confides to me and very few others. We know each other better than pretty much anyone (except her boyfriend in most matters, but even then she's confided in me stuff he doesn't know, and probably shouldn't). He's always been jealous of me (as much as I find the situation ridiculous since I'm unbelievably jealous of him) and he sometimes makes attempts for her not to see me.
But yeah, basically she is the only girl I've ever actually cared about. It isn't about looks or sex (though she's playfully brought up the idea of sex between us in the past), but it genuinely is about how much I care about her and like her. She'd often in the past tell me she loved me via text, and whenever we see each other we always hug (it's always her that starts it, I'm too shy to), so I know she at least holds some care for me too. But now that she has a baby with her boyfriend, it's all different. She tells me she hates her boyfriend (she's said this consistently since 2013) and that the only reason she's with him is because she doesn't want her baby to grow up without a father like she did herself, but she also told me her mum wants them to get married by the end of the year (she'll be 18 by then). She didn't sound pleased by it, but the way she talks about it all makes it sound like she doesn't intend on leaving him.
I know it's stupid of me to expect her to leave him now, or that I'd have any chance with her, and I'll like and respect her no matter how she goes about her life, but... I just can't get over her. She's so different from any other girl I've met or talked to. She has this fire in her, this passion and intensity and love of life that sometimes goes too far, but she is also intelligent and caring. The other girls I see around me at school I have less than no interest in. They're all either so shallow or so... boring. I know I should just move on, but I just can't. There's no other girl like her, and I can't possibly imagine liking or caring about any other girl nearly as much as I do her. What other girl knows me as well as she does? What other girl gets our little inside jokes about things that no one else does?
Urgh, I sound so pathetic, and I know I do, but this has just plagued my mind for so long now I can't help it. I apologise for how long this post was, and it's really more of an airing out of my own stupid thoughts than a question.