Falling

[Tesserax]

I keep slipping. Every time I think I'm moving closer towards being my normal self again, it just slips away. In my head, I fight a mental war. My good and bad side are both there, and they argue in first person (weird I know). The bad side seems to have the most control at the moment, affecting the way I think and feel more. I'm trying so hard, but I keep failing. It's like I'm trying to climb a mountain, and I know that because I'm at the bottom, I can't go anywhere but up. But every time I try, I just slip and I fall back down again. I just can't seem to make it happen. I think my problem is that I'm the one that my friends go to when they're broken, when they need somebody. I'm the one that helps others when they need it. But I don't have another friend to rely on. My crush (year 9 girl sheesh, a bit young considering I'm in year 11) is the one I counted on, the one I went with everything to for awhile. And then one day she seemed to have had enough, and told me look, I don't want to hear about you cutting yourself (the back incident) or something like that. I knew at that moment that obviously I was telling her and expecting her to react like I would, which was a mistake. And I understand her not wanting to hear this. I know I'm rambling at this point, but I just need to get it out. I just want somebody I can lean on, somebody I can love and get love back from. Because I'm all for giving, but I've just seem to be running out of stock for myself. So, there's only one word I want to scream, but my body won't let me, it just suppresses it. And I will try it here, but it won't work, because I'm typing it on a fucking screen. FUCK.

[Conqueror of Hearts]

Hey Arron, I don't know your whole story, the battles you're going through, why do you feel the way you do, but I know that no matter how cloudy it is right now, it will get better.
I also know how it feels when you are someone everybody lean on, and when you look to lean on someone, there is no one around. That doesn't mean your friends aren't good friends, maybe they are just not used to hearing your problems, so they forget you maybe need help as much as they do. That happened to me, then I've learned how to talk about my problems and how to ask for a hand when I need.

We all need someone to pull us up a bit every now or then, so just try to talk to them about things that bother you. Though I've never talked about cutting with any of my friends I stopped SH because once I've shared my problems, and talked about them I've realized they were not as big as they seemed in my head.

I did talk about cutting and SH here with many people, and when I say many I really mean many, because talking about it helped me a lot. So if you need to talk about it or anything else, please PM me, I am a very good listener.

-xx

[Bmble_B]

Hey Arron, I don't know your whole story, the battles you're going through, why do you feel the way you do, but I know that no matter how cloudy it is right now, it will get better.
I also know how it feels when you are someone everybody lean on, and when you look to lean on someone, there is no one around. That doesn't mean your friends aren't good friends, maybe they are just not used to hearing your problems, so they forget you maybe need help as much as they do. That happened to me, then I've learned how to talk about my problems and how to ask for a hand when I need.

We all need someone to pull us up a bit every now or then, so just try to talk to them about things that bother you. Though I've never talked about cutting with any of my friends I stopped SH because once I've shared my problems, and talked about them I've realized they were not as big as they seemed in my head.

I did talk about cutting and SH here with many people, and when I say many I really mean many, because talking about it helped me a lot. So if you need to talk about it or anything else, please PM me, I am a very good listener.

-xx

Very well put, couldn't have said it better myself :D