Trying to stay sober

[smalltowngirl9189]

4 days clean... not a huge accomplishment, but it is something. I feel weak and alone. No one understands how scared I am about everything going on. My mom doesn't understand that my dad leaving scares me the most... What is going to happen when he leaves? She is going to have nothing and go back to old ways. My anxiety is building by the minute. I want to smoke so bad but for some reason the promise I made to him means more than anything else to me right now. Everyone says I'm a bitch but I'm just tired. Tired of the bullshit and the lies that my family tries to hide. In every family portrait we look perfect but as soon as that camera goes down we are all just hypocritical assholes. Ugh I'm just writing to get it out.....

[ImCoolBeans]

It's not easy to stop after doing it so much or so often, despite what people say. Well done on making it four days -- if you've made it thus far you can absolutely continue on. Take it day by day and try to think about why you're stopping. It's going to benefit you in the long run, even if smoking seems to be helpful in the short term. I doubt you're a bitch or a hypocritical asshole -- don't be so hard on yourself -- if you can't love yourself or praise yourself for the progress you've made then it's going to be harder to accomplish your goals. Best of luck and I hope all goes well for you.