How much longer?

[WanderingHeart]

How much longer must I wait to be free?

-Nightmares
-Severe depression
-Dysthymia
-Anxiety
-Suicidal thoughts
-Self-harm
-Self-hate
-Extremely low self esteem
-My friends that only I can see
-Family issues
-Inhalants
-And so, so much more.

All of this, plus more, and I am being forced to keep silent about it. I am being forced to keep silent about any issues I am having by my parents. They refuse to take me to therapy despite what the doctors and school counselor said. They stopped taking me to the doctor because they don't want her to ask about therapy and they don't want me saying anything. I'm not allowed to say anything to my counselor (all she will do is tell my parents, anyway. And she doesn't even listen...). And when I enter high school if I say or show a single sign about any of this I will be forced into home school.
I broke down at school today a bit and I couldn't even say anything because I wasn't allowed to.

I'm going to be stuck here this summer as all my problems get worse without the slightest bit of the help I need. If I end up dead there will be no one to blame but myself. If I end up running away, same thing. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have been born. I really wish I wasn't even born.

Nobody listens. And the ones that do (so you guys...) aren't even able to do anything (you get what I mean, listening is great and all though).

How much longer must I wait to be free from this place? When I'm 18? Can I really wait 4 more years? I've had 5 years of this shit, another 4?? And lets say I do, then what? I'm only going to get worse, and by the time I'm 18 I will barely be able to take care of myself. I'll be pressured into marriage to a guy my parents want (and I don't even like guys...) I might be in America but that doesnt make me free once im 18. I'm not waiting until I'm 18 to get out of here. I can't. Because I still won't be free by then.

I can't do this anymore guys.
I really just can't.
"Yes you can."
No.
I can't.
Not in this place.

[lightPainting]

All i can say is dream. dream for a better future. dream about how you want your life to be and express it through some art form, whether its drawling, singing, dance, or writing. Once you dream you'll have hope. And having hope will make living that much happier.
Even if you think is stupid or its not going to work, inst it worth a try? because what if it does work...what if?

*hugs* i hope you feel better, because you are worth more that that.

[WanderingHeart]

All i can say is dream. dream for a better future. dream about how you want your life to be and express it through some art form, whether its drawling, singing, dance, or writing. Once you dream you'll have hope. And having hope will make living that much happier.
Even if you think is stupid or its not going to work, inst it worth a try? because what if it does work...what if?

*hugs* i hope you feel better, because you are worth more that that.

So I've got to dream now, huh? I guess it's worth a shot. *hugs back* thank you >w< and thank you for replying to my post. I really need that.

[Microcosm]

How much longer must I wait to be free?

Depression sucks, right? I know it does, but I think one important aspect of solving or coping with depression is to maintain your perseverance. Also, I'd really recommend looking for some online therapy. Like seriously, that stuff is legit. Heck, I suppose VT can be considered a form of online therapy in its own way. But Sola, trust me. Things can totally get better if you persevere, or, at the very least, you'd be giving them an oppurtunity to get better. That's something, at least. But yeah, check out some online therapy stuff. I'll get you started(I really like this site):Click Here. (www.7cupsoftea.com) It lets you talk to people who want to help you with these sorts of things. It's pretty neat.

Anyways, I hope you get to feeling better. Best of luck! :)

[WanderingHeart]

7 cups of tea doesn't accept you if you're suicidal. But ohmygosh, I really do appreciate this.

For me my online therapy would be you guys xP.

Thanks. I don't know what's going to become of me this summer honestly. Whatever it is, though, I'll never be safe.

[Melkor]

You can look up for a book if your parents allow called Feeling Good by David Burns, I first heard of it when one of my teachers gave it to my depressed friend which later he gave it to me even though I haven't found the time to read it; I saw many costumers that were satisfied with it. I don't recommend running from home but try to find a way to get help maybe ask a more open minded relative to talk it out or smth. My mom was a nurse which worked in a mental hospital too so I didn't have to struggle with lack of understanding.

[WanderingHeart]

You can look up for a book if your parents allow called Feeling Good by David Burns, I first heard of it when one of my teachers gave it to my depressed friend which later he gave it to me even though I haven't found the time to read it; I saw many costumers that were satisfied with it. I don't recommend running from home but try to find a way to get help maybe ask a more open minded relative to talk it out or smth. My mom was a nurse which worked in a mental hospital too so I didn't have to struggle with lack of understanding.


If I'm able to read it then I will try to. Thanks.