"Friend Zone"

[Tesserax]

Before everybody jumps on me about it, I have a friend (female) who sort of admits that it exists. But it's a normal thing, you have friends, and they're in the friend zone. Any reason why it would be hard to get out of the friend zone would either be because they don't like you, or you're good friends and don't want to change that.

Now that being said, situation 2 has applied to me. Recently I met a girl, I think I've talked about it before and I like her. I'm in year 11, she's in year 9, but we're amazing friends (or at least I think we are). We share a lot in common, but most importantly understand each other, and I fell for her.

So I decided, since we're close, I'll tell her. If she rejects me completely and turns away, fine, then the friendship wasn't real. But she took it calmly and considered it. But yet I was rejected in a manner of speaking. I told her that I liked her, and she said that she was afraid that if we went out and something happened, she wouldn't be able to face me, which is cool.

But I just don't understand how that works. Is she just afraid to take the risk? I thought that something as real as I believed this could've been would've been worth the risk. I thought that's what it's about. Furthermore, sometimes it feels like she's avoiding me, but always has a legitimate reason afterwards. And it's only ever for like, one night if she's busy or was doing something.

But the worst thing is that I can't shake it. She told me she understands it will be hard to get over her, because it always is hard. But even though I just want to be friends, something deep inside me wants this to be real, wants us to be together. She's different, and I know it, I can feel it. She's basically a mirror of me in who we are, with very few differences, but our core personality remains the same.

I've always hated when people say "I like this person". Have you never met somebody that you thought was so perfect, not just on the outside but on the inside, somebody that you have a special bond with, and without even dating them you know that they're special. It's always made me doubt the possibility of love without dating, but I've always believed it was possible.

I just want to know, is this real? For me it feels like it is, but for her I cannot say.

Anyway, thanks for reading this guys. If you have any comment that can help, please do tell. Also forgive me for any babbling I may have done, I'm a little tired from the last week and I'm sort of in a daze, and probably wrote something terribly wrong. Again, thanks for reading, PEACE!!!

[Uniquemind]

Attraction isn't logical.You've approached the situation from the logical side of what should make up a healthy relationship but you've got to figure out a way to trigger the way she views you in a sexually hungry way.

Intense lust overrides logic most of the time in people.

Lots of girls have trouble taking guys who are traditionally their emotional support network, into the part of their social life that might be the origin of upsets.

She might be avoiding you to give you space to return to seeing her as a friend only and to kill the attraction you have to her. Unfortunately that's not how male attraction to a girl work, so you suffer in the meantime with your jilted crush.



Give her a few weeks space where you don't contact her and make the relationship a friendship but subtly increase flirting and physical flirting in a fun and creative way.



Also take rejection in a way so that she isn't sensing your holding a grudge against her. If girls sense this we avoid you like the dickens because it's a imagined quality we see in the stereotypical "clinger" or "stalker" which instinctively sets off alarm bells.


This opportunity is passed but when she said "if something happened" you had the chance to say "if what happened and list out all the possible things that stereotypically ruin a couple in a jokesterish tone just to inject humor".

Response:

1. So wait romantically you think I'm some kinda player?

Or

2. Tell you what. "Kiss me" and I mean really kiss me. If you feel nothing fine. But if you feel something you owe it to yourself to figure out what that something is. Because if your bottling feelings up for me, in the name of "safe zoning our friendship" that's the biggest excuse I've seen you make for yourself. Truth is our friendship might fade just due to the sands of time or perhaps a natural disaster or disease could take one of us.

One kiss, that's all I ask.


In option 2, if she let's you, make that kiss count, and either she's going to say okay let's try it, or nope I don't feel that way about you. When the kiss is done, interrupt her and say "tell me your answer in 3 days time at whatever activity you guys normally due together ritualistically on a week by week basis.

^ when she gives you that answer respect that answer and never bring up this issue again and move on if it happens to be rejection. If it is a rejection, tell her outright if you need time away to process emotional hurt. DO NOT let a girl retroactively control the timeframe YOU need to process rejection.


Girls tend to retroactively do this and I think that's the stage you are at now.

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Keep in mind you already set off alarm bells and she's avoiding you out of a mix of genuinely having other stuff to do while waiting for you to cool off of being offended at her rejection.