17 y/o need help with crush on 14 y/o

[kiwislark]

Ok guys so I like this girl who is 14 (I am 17). I always thought she was cute and really started liking her alot a few weeks ago. However there is a few problems with this:

-She is 14. Is it too big of an age gap? She does seem really mature for her age though...

-Her sister is the girl that my best friend likes and is going to ask out in a few months once he gets his full license. This is a bit awkward. Any advice for this?

-In addition to this, I kinda agreed not to make a move until said friend asks out her sister (prob Aug/Sept). How do I become closer to her without making a big move (e.g. telling her I like her and the like)?

-I only see her once a week at church and she has no phone or FB so I can't really talk to her all that much. So how do I get to know her better? I guess I could just ring her home phone...

-She lives about 40 minutes away from me in the country while I live in the suburbs. Therefore, I cannot go to her house.

-We are both homeschooled, and parents generally don't let their kids date until they are 16. How to get the parents onboard?

However there are a few positives:

-She doesn't seem to mind me sitting really close to her (like basically rubbing shoulders, that close). Could she be interested?

-She does talk to me at church.

-I am pretty good friends with her brothers, one is in my soccer team.

-Her parents don't hate me, though I don't know them that well.

Any other general advice for this situation would be much appreciated.

[cobas1]

The age gap is a bit much and dont just jump into a relationship with out getting to know her. So yea call her house phone.

[Uniquemind]

Just spend time with her and drop hints throughout that you like her.

But do NOT do anything sexual with her, just keep it short and sweet and caring.

Group dates are best in this scenario. Like go with her and her bros that you are already friends with to the movies or something. (Just drive carefully and no distracted driving).

Also assuming she's single still at age 16, wait for her.


The really bold and old fashion thing to do is to approach her parents outright and ask if it's okay for you to ask their daughter out on a date.

^this boldness catches lots of parents off guard, and sometimes earns you respect.



Also this is a 2-3 year age gap, that's really common and socially acceptable from what I can tell.


The important thing is to NOT screw her over if you get permission to date her.

[kiwislark]

Thanks guys for your replies

The age gap is a bit much and dont just jump into a relationship with out getting to know her. So yea call her house phone.

Yeah well because she turns 15 at the end of January the gap is 2 years, 11 months, 21 days (you can figure out my birthday this way lol). So not quite 3 years. But I've heard conflicting things about the gap anyway, some think 3 years is fine, others think it is not.

And yes I would love to get to know her better and aim to try to. Calling her may be a way to do so apart from the one time I get to see her every week.

Just spend time with her and drop hints throughout that you like her.

But do NOT do anything sexual with her, just keep it short and sweet and caring.

Group dates are best in this scenario. Like go with her and her bros that you are already friends with to the movies or something. (Just drive carefully and no distracted driving).

Also assuming she's single still at age 16, wait for her.

The really bold and old fashion thing to do is to approach her parents outright and ask if it's okay for you to ask their daughter out on a date.

^this boldness catches lots of parents off guard, and sometimes earns you respect.

Also this is a 2-3 year age gap, that's really common and socially acceptable from what I can tell.

The important thing is to NOT screw her over if you get permission to date her.

1. Yes, this is what I am planning to do.
2. I would never do anything sexual due to how I have been raised. Sex is for marriage. I will, as you say, keep it short, sweet and caring.
3. Good idea. Except I cannot drive yet (I guess I can get her brother with a full license to drive us lol).
4. Actually I was thinking of asking when she turns 15 (January). Is this a good idea or should I wait (15 1/2 maybe)?
5. I could possibly do this, its just a matter of when to do so.
6. Yeah, well I'm getting conflicting comments on the age gap, some say its completely fine, others say its dodgy, bad or even borderline pedophilia , which I think is complete rubbish. I'm not in it for sex, remember. Sheesh.
7. I would never do this after all the effort I would make to be able to date her in the first place. I like her and I treat girls with respect.

[Uniquemind]

Thanks guys for your replies



Yeah well because she turns 15 at the end of January the gap is 2 years, 11 months, 21 days (you can figure out my birthday this way lol). So not quite 3 years. But I've heard conflicting things about the gap anyway, some think 3 years is fine, others think it is not.

And yes I would love to get to know her better and aim to try to. Calling her may be a way to do so apart from the one time I get to see her every week.



1. Yes, this is what I am planning to do.
2. I would never do anything sexual due to how I have been raised. Sex is for marriage. I will, as you say, keep it short, sweet and caring.
3. Good idea. Except I cannot drive yet (I guess I can get her brother with a full license to drive us lol).
4. Actually I was thinking of asking when she turns 15 (January). Is this a good idea or should I wait (15 1/2 maybe)?
5. I could possibly do this, its just a matter of when to do so.
6. Yeah, well I'm getting conflicting comments on the age gap, some say its completely fine, others say its dodgy, bad or even borderline pedophilia , which I think is complete rubbish. I'm not in it for sex, remember. Sheesh.
7. I would never do this after all the effort I would make to be able to date her in the first place. I like her and I treat girls with respect.

The term "pedophilia" is being misused. Go search what it's definition is on wikipedia and all your critics who are trying to label you that should be quiet as they do not know what they are talking about.

Assuming your penmenship is good and you know her home address, I'd pull her aside at church or whenever you get the chance alone and ask her opinion about what should would think about a boy sending a girl love letters in the context of modern day.

It's really old fashioned, and costly time wise and money wise but depending on her answer, you could always start a flirtationship that way, and you could make a game of it.

Like designate an area of the church as drop off and receiving points for letters, and in the letters use different names for each other, but clearly acknowledging that "Rodger = you" and "Mary = whatever her name is".

Then if you have a bit of money you can always use the postal service.



I do not recommend the "secret admirer" sign off situation where the guy makes the girl guess who the secret admirer is, because I've seen situations where the girl thinks her admirer is some other guy, and then that guy seizes the opportunity to get the girl, sometimes just to use her and throw her away.

I actually recommend giving her a letter in person at church to her and telling her to read it in private, and inside the letter suggest the idea of a letter flirtationship/relationship correspondence. But with regards to the first letter make it clear you are completely OKAY if she says she doesn't feel the same way, isn't ready for a relationship, or if she's interested but wants you to wait a bit and ask her again later. Don't blame her for her honesty with you.

Give her the freedom to respond with a clear answer that won't leave you with any doubt in your mind. Also in that letter make it clearly understood that she either needs to give you her answer privately so nobody else will know, or if you are perfectly comfortable with the public knowing, let the decision be up to her and you mutually on how you communicate this.

Also don't spill your heart out to her all in one letter, always hold back some stuff so you don't run out of things to say, and always leave some sweet-nothings to say in the next letter (if there is a next letter).




Don't be judgmental when it comes to sexual feelings/topics either, religious households can complicate and create a lot of guilt in either/both the guy or girl who are flirting and attracted to each other.

It's completely natural to feel lust-hunger for the other person, just be artistic and subtle, but clear about those desires when you flirt face to face or through written/typed word.

Don't be crass or objectifying her.


If you take my advice, tell me how it goes either in this thread or in a private message.

I want feedback if my advice works for people, otherwise I'll stop giving it.



P.S. To anybody else reading this post, guy or girl, please give feedback if you think this is a good way to flirt and communicate with a crush, or if it is old an sloppy and just not good.

I think it's cute and good advice and adds a lot of room for privacy, because kids can bully you for the crushes you have....which just isn't classy.

[Ridonks_CB]

I think it's not necessarily the age gap of 2-3 years that's the problem; it's that soon you're to be 18 years old and she's still 14-15, which I believe is against the law.

[kiwislark]

I think it's not necessarily the age gap of 2-3 years that's the problem; it's that soon you're to be 18 years old and she's still 14-15, which I believe is against the law.

Its not against the law to date.

[Ridonks_CB]

Its not against the law to date.

Good for you then - just take the advice the users up above have given then because I have 0% experience in dating haha

[Uniquemind]

I think it's not necessarily the age gap of 2-3 years that's the problem; it's that soon you're to be 18 years old and she's still 14-15, which I believe is against the law.

It's against the law for any sex acts to occur between them.

But even in this cases it depends on state law, if you know your state law there are exception clauses when age gaps are within 3-4 years of each other.

But still they should keep any dating short and sweet and non-sexual for a while and build up what really matters in a relationship.

[Karson]

You know how I look at it? If you both live each other it'll just work out. But if you don't it's gonna end in flames.