Big problem with girl at work

[Lkjhgfdsa]

I know this is a little long, but it's as short as I could make it without leaving out important information. Please take just a few minutes to read it from start to finish.

I am 19. This girl is 18. She started working at my place of employment last September. We clicked immediately despite us being so different. I am a shy, self-conscious introvert; she is a wild, flirty extrovert. For the first few months of us working together she was all over me…talking to me all the time, joking, making lots of physical contact. I could tell by her social media that she was like this with lots of guys, but I really didn’t care. We would text about stuff a few times a week. Never very personal, though. We had the kind of relationship where we could insult each other and enjoy it. But we never talked about personal stuff, and I never told her that I liked her.

Then, at the beginning of March, stuff suddenly changed. She suddenly began ignoring me at work. She wouldn’t talk to me; would hardly even look at me. I let this go on for about 2 weeks (which was about 4 or 5 days that we worked together) before I asked her about it through text. She responded with short denial texts, only a few words, saying “Nope…I’m good,” stuff like that.

The next few weeks were the same; she ignored me at work. I texted her one night and asked her, “Seriously, what is wrong? Just tell me.” I waited over 2 hours and no response. Then I got a little irritated so I told her that I didn’t appreciate her not responding and that if she didn’t want to talk to me to just tell me why. Then she immediately answered and said she doesn’t get service in her house and denied ignoring me. (has to be total BS)

The next week I was getting really sick of her BS so when I sent the picture of the schedule to her, I edited the picture and removed her name from the employee list as a joke. She got pissed and went off on a serious rant. She called me a d***, went on about how much I piss her off, and told me to “f-off.” I responded and asked her if she was serious, and that I was just messing around like I do sometimes. I asked her if the joking around really bothers her and if it did that I would stop. She responded with “It’s whatever.” I insisted she tell me for real how she felt, and she stopped responding.

Her attitude of completely ignoring me continued for 2 more weeks so so I texted her and asked her if I could ask her something again.. She responded hours later, clearly irritated. I told her that I would appreciate if she answered me when I asked her something and I told her to straight up tell me if she truly hates me or not. No response from her.

So I set up a scheduled text message to send in the middle of the night so that she’d see it when she woke up the next morning. I typed out this LONG message to her. I first said I was sorry for coming off as so demanding, but that I just needed to know why her attitude toward me changed so much. Told her she’s “amazing” and that it bothers me so much how she won’t answer my genuine questions to her. At the end I wished her a great day.

She didn’t respond to that.

Now I am absolutely pissed and sad. I know that you’re probably reading this thinking I AM a total d***, bugging her and stuff. But trust me, I didn’t talk about how good I was to her and how our chemistry was so good for a while. Her attitude towards me changed suddenly with no apparent reason. I have already apologized twice, but for general reasons, because I truly do not see anything that I did wrong to make her change like that.

Basically, she is a total b****. She refuses to tell me why she’s ignoring me. Her female coworker “friends” even make comments occasionally that sometimes they can’t stand her. She screws around with multiple guys, so she's basically a s*** (or at least intentionally pretends to be one).

So where do I go from here? I still think she’s incredibly attractive and I’d take any opportunity to do something with her. But at the same time she has now made me incredibly upset in the way she’s treating me.

I’m planning on not texting her for weeks. I don’t even want to look at her at work; that’s how angry I am with her. I plan to ignore her completely so she gets a taste of what I feel. But at the same time, deep inside I like her enough to still want to have a chance to "have fun" with her if ever possible.

[Dynamo360]

Dude, just leave her, if she's going to act like that then she's not worth your time. There are plenty of other people to "have fun" with and they'll probably treat you better than this girl has.

[qwerty80]

Were you two officially dating? I saw no mention of that and from everything I read it doesn't appear you two ever were.

You need to understand, she doesn't owe you anything. If someone stops talking to you and you continue to message them over and over and they continue to ignore you, then take the hint: leave them alone. Continuously contacting them and pestering them at that point over and over is practically harassment.

What should have happened is this: If you thought something was wrong, send her a single message that you feel like shes been acting a little weird and that if she wants to talk about it with you, you're willing to listen. That's it. At that point she'll either take you up on the offer or she wont.

What bothers me about the original post is that you come across as very hostile, demanding, and controlling. When you sensed something wasn't going your way about a girl you liked you lashed out and tried to pester her until you got the solution and answer you desired. That doesn't pull people towards you, that pushes them away, and if the OP is any indication of how you act its quite possible that you're the reason she no longer wishes to talk to you.

You start the first paragraph of your post saying you like her, but that you're shy. You end your post calling her a "total bitch" and a "slut" and how you're going to "totally ignore her" so she "gets a taste of how you feel".

This isn't the way an adult acts and you're totally out of line. She isn't the problem, you are.

[Uniquemind]

People's moods sometimes change for no logical reasons.

Also you only known her for a few months right? That's an incredibly short time period to read someone.

And it is flawed logic to assume you are the cause of her changed mood toward you. Perhaps you aren't the reason but something else is the reason and she's more introverted herself now, and you interpreting her being cold toward her, is a unintended consequence.


You need to accept that in life you aren't going to get to understand people's ins-n-outs, if ever.


No offense, but your reacting in a very male mindset:

1. Things change > problem

2. Problem > I fix it once told what's wrong > action taken

3. Action taken > problem solved > threat eliminated > I can relax now all is good.


^ and in regards to women that thought process doesn't work too well.

In fact I don't think your creepy or an asshole but women will read those qualities on you when you get frustrated like you did in this situation.

And you got frustrated because that mindset when you utilized it, broke down at step 1 and 2 > hence you never got to stage 3's "I can relax now".


The best advice I can give to a guy is to just not care and not be nosy.

You blew your friendship and possibly working relationship apart with this girl.

You have no choice but to move on or risk being more creepy and possibly getting in trouble with legal harassment charges and losing your job.