Why couldn't i simply be straight?

[Remora]

Seriously. Life would have been so much easier. I would have been "normal", i wouldn't have been chasing that poor little Ruben around, i would've been more comfortable around other guys, and i wouldn't have this pessimistic look on life.

I grew up with the idea i would get to live the dream "when i would be older"; a beautiful wife, a charming daughter and a sporty son, or, well, something along those lines. And as i grew "older", i found out that it wasn't going to be a beautiful wife, and that if there was no beautiful wife, i wouldn't have any children. And i spent three years chasing that godforsaken tall kid. And i've spent the past seven months chasing that godforsaken small kid, and i fear i'll be doing that for the next one and a half year.

Is there any, well, cure? It's a chronic, non-spreading disease and i want it gone... It's mildly agitating that you just get it thrown at your face, like "hey lol guess what you like guys" and you just have to accept it. It's just not fair, and it's not fun either to get told you're going to hell or something along those lines by Christians or other people that disapprove of homosexuality.

So, like, what do i do? Do i just try to cope with my sexuality? Do i accept it and try to live my life to its full extent?

I'm severely confused and i have no idea what to do...

[Vermilion]

Seriously. Life would have been so much easier. I would have been "normal", i wouldn't have been chasing that poor little Ruben around, i would've been more comfortable around other guys, and i wouldn't have this pessimistic look on life.

I grew up with the idea i would get to live the dream "when i would be older"; a beautiful wife, a charming daughter and a sporty son, or, well, something along those lines. And as i grew "older", i found out that it wasn't going to be a beautiful wife, and that if there was no beautiful wife, i wouldn't have any children. And i spent three years chasing that godforsaken tall kid. And i've spent the past seven months chasing that godforsaken small kid, and i fear i'll be doing that for the next one and a half year.

Is there any, well, cure? It's a chronic, non-spreading disease and i want it gone... It's mildly agitating that you just get it thrown at your face, like "hey lol guess what you like guys" and you just have to accept it. It's just not fair, and it's not fun either to get told you're going to hell or something along those lines by Christians or other people that disapprove of homosexuality.

So, like, what do i do? Do i just try to cope with my sexuality? Do i accept it and try to live my life to its full extent?

I'm severely confused and i have no idea what to do...

All you can do is expecte it it's you nothing you should be ashamed off . your not going to hell god loves everyone why would he make gay people otherwise ? If you believe in that. Your a lovely young man/boy, you can still have a child and all that. You just haven't found the right person yet. :D don't be something your not be happy your excepted in this century compared to the past. Just be yourself then everything else will fall into place.

[DoodleSnap]

I understand your worries, as they are ones that you are not alone in having. Many subliminal messages embed themselves into our subconscious', and the society we grow up in has a big impact on all of us. Some messages are negative, some are positive, but they all exist somewhere. The best thing you can do is confront the fear and anger and denial inside of you, and open up to yourself. Try seeking help from a therapist or counsellor, and learn what it is that makes you feel this way. Understanding yourself is one of the most important steps in recovery for anyone dealing with emotional pain, so communicate what you feel deep inside. Letting the feelings out and accepting them, along with yourself, will stop the build up of emotions and the more destructive tendencies that come along with that. For what it is worth, I believe that having biological children isn't everything. Your desire for a heterosexual, biological family is clearly something you have craved, so learn to accept that desire for perfection, and realise that perfection is very rarely achieved. What you are is okay, and there is nothing inherently wrong with you. What separates us from more primitive animals is our ability to see things for their emotional value and interest, rather than whatever serves the utility of reproduction. So see past that and realise that you are just as valuable in your sexual identity as anyone else is! I hope you get it all sorted out, and good luck.

[Syzygy]

I grew up with the idea i would get to live the dream "when i would be older"; a beautiful wife, a charming daughter and a sporty son, or, well, something along those lines. And as i grew "older", i found out that it wasn't going to be a beautiful wife, and that if there was no beautiful wife, i wouldn't have any children.



----

[Kiogaout]

Man , I think it would be boring if everyone could be straight , i am a bisexual and am pride of it , just remenber that the difference between us human is the thing that makes life interesting , so my advice , just accept who you are and be proud of it

[Echelon]

I totally understand. I wish I was straight too and normal. I am a Christian, and I live in a very "wealthy" region in an all white church. No one even speaks of being gay. In my youth group, we had to speak of sexuality once. We only spoke about sexuality aimed towards heterosexuals. Honestly, I don't even... (literally).
My life is slowly going down the drain. My thoughts are always so strange; I strive to be normal and try to fit in with guys. It's really hard. I don't want to be considered the type that is friends with all girls, where many people whisper about how they think I'm gay. Yadayadayada. I know I am that person though, and it sucks.
We could get into my social anxiety and how much my religion frowns upon my type and how I self-harm because I tell myself "I deserve it", but I'm not going to.

This is the most relatable thing I have ever read: “There should be a horn or gong or something to wake God. Because I’d like to have a word with him. Three words actually: WHAT THE FUCK?!”, Jandy Nelson, I'll Give You the Sun.
This book is beautiful, highly, highly, highly recommend to those who has a really great bond with your siblings (especially twins), is gay or has dealt with divorce/family drama and grieving death. This book is a piece of art

[Remora]

I'll be sure to check the book out! Thank everyone for your replies- i'm feeling a little better now, but i still dislike being forced to accept it...

[Landbuscus97]

Well for advice I have little, but if you like books I know a couple that have certainly helped me on figuring stuff out and working to accept and enjoy myself.
~Openly Straight
~Aristotle and Dante Discover the Mysteries of the Universe
~The Perks of Being a Wall-Flower

These books really resonate with me, and have helped me so much. Maybe they can do the same for you!
-Hope I helped,
Landon

[Abhorrence]

Yep, sexuality absolutely fucking sucks. Another thing that sucks is when people say it is a choice because it most definitely isn't. The only thing you can do, which I do not recommend, is repress it. I've known people who have repressed their sexualities for almost their entire life and when they come out or whatever they always say they are a lot happier but it could all be a facade. Sometimes it's not even the fact that society doesn't like it but it's the fact that you want things you can't have.

Just be me and stay alone forever. xD

[pjones]

I'll be sure to check the book out! Thank everyone for your replies- i'm feeling a little better now, but i still dislike being forced to accept it...

don't "accept it", embrace it! you are a unique person and deserve to have a full meaningful life. but embrace yourself on your terms if you can, nobody else.

[eightpointhunter]

I feel the same way sometimes, you just gotta learn how to make the best of it, like pjones said, embrace it!

[Hicham azad]

I Have The Sollution for u My Friebnd Pm me i will change u life bro

[Karkat]

I didn't choose to be bigender and whateverthefuck sexuality I am

In theory, it could've been much simpler if I could've stuck to "Oh, I'm a man" or "Oh, I'm a woman", and "Oh, I like men" or "Oh, I like women"

And, especially "Oh, I don't have this weird flippity floppity thing where sometimes I want sex and sometimes I want everyone to stay the hell away from me and things of a sexual nature squick me out"

But would I have the compassion for people in my position? If I were cishet, would I even have any empathy for LGBT people at all? Would I think they were unnatural because I didn't understand?

Superficial reasons, sure, but it's something to think about.

And all in all, I've always wanted to change myself so much, but rarely have I ever wanted to change THAT.

I think I've come to some odd sort of understanding with my sexuality and gender, and it's made life a lot easier, honestly. So yeah, I'd suggest trying to come to terms with it- fighting it is just going to make your life miserable.