Haydenn3
April 19th, 2015, 10:19 AM
Hello everyone its a long time ive posted here the reason im posting today is to let out everything thats building up and to hopefully get advice on my mess of a life it may not make much sense my ill try to keep it readable
so lets start with the fact that my really good friend has decided to get back with a previous abusive boyfriend so far from what she tells me which used to be everything and now is nothing he is different but the few times of been around him i can feel his toxins i can see the evil in his eyes on many recent times he has flipped out at me and her for no reason but of course he is still different although her own mother fears for there safety but no matter what we say she makes her excuses and runs back to him she has Bi polar and he deffaintly plays on that he is slowly and smartly taking her away from all of us like i used to spend atleast 4 times a week with her now anytime i try to see her she isnt feeling well or is tired or that dick head is there his anger is so out of controll im not allowed near her house while he is there and ofcourse he plays on that making sure he is there 24/7 so basicly im losing my only friend i have no one else to talk to to see ive recently started to feel very low again like really low and the only thing keeping me going on is my little sister who is 1 and a half i swore to myself while shes still here im not going anywhere but even that sometimes doesnt stop me wanting to just end it right here right now im very strong minded so i used to be able to shut all the saddness away but now its leaking out i just want out i have no motivation to do anything i dont have fun that often im now only 9 stone for a 6ft 18 year old guy but my fucking mind wont let me free from the cage i just want to be free leave this place and travel the world but i cant even do that I have a job that i like doing but its target orintated which when im down it doesnt really work out and im starting to struggle to just leave the house and i have no one to talk to i long for a girlfriend to its been nearly 4 years since my last girlfriend and all i ask is for that one perso to walk into my life ( and no it couldnt be my good friend even if she didnt have a BF she is like my sister) but i lack the social skills to even talk to a fucking fish and basicly its all building up and i just dont know what to do anymore with just me and my thoughts its never a good thing any advice about any off this post would be amazing and there is probably loads of spelling so sorry for that and sorry for it being a long post now lets just hope someone on here can hep in anyway :/
so lets start with the fact that my really good friend has decided to get back with a previous abusive boyfriend so far from what she tells me which used to be everything and now is nothing he is different but the few times of been around him i can feel his toxins i can see the evil in his eyes on many recent times he has flipped out at me and her for no reason but of course he is still different although her own mother fears for there safety but no matter what we say she makes her excuses and runs back to him she has Bi polar and he deffaintly plays on that he is slowly and smartly taking her away from all of us like i used to spend atleast 4 times a week with her now anytime i try to see her she isnt feeling well or is tired or that dick head is there his anger is so out of controll im not allowed near her house while he is there and ofcourse he plays on that making sure he is there 24/7 so basicly im losing my only friend i have no one else to talk to to see ive recently started to feel very low again like really low and the only thing keeping me going on is my little sister who is 1 and a half i swore to myself while shes still here im not going anywhere but even that sometimes doesnt stop me wanting to just end it right here right now im very strong minded so i used to be able to shut all the saddness away but now its leaking out i just want out i have no motivation to do anything i dont have fun that often im now only 9 stone for a 6ft 18 year old guy but my fucking mind wont let me free from the cage i just want to be free leave this place and travel the world but i cant even do that I have a job that i like doing but its target orintated which when im down it doesnt really work out and im starting to struggle to just leave the house and i have no one to talk to i long for a girlfriend to its been nearly 4 years since my last girlfriend and all i ask is for that one perso to walk into my life ( and no it couldnt be my good friend even if she didnt have a BF she is like my sister) but i lack the social skills to even talk to a fucking fish and basicly its all building up and i just dont know what to do anymore with just me and my thoughts its never a good thing any advice about any off this post would be amazing and there is probably loads of spelling so sorry for that and sorry for it being a long post now lets just hope someone on here can hep in anyway :/