NikkiNicole
April 18th, 2015, 10:49 PM
Well, the title kind of sums up the content of this Thread but. . .I guess I can go more in depth.
I do not allow myself to get close to anyone. And when I say ALLOW, I mean it. I've training my heart and mind to shut down to anything emotional when it comes to people. This affects my friendship and dating life. I really do not know how to fix it, and honestly, I don't know if I want to. :what:
Because, hear me out, it works for me. This "stand-offish, distant, here but not here," personality kinda helps me. I feel protected when I am this way. No one expects to much from me and I don't expect much from them. It's tough to explain, folk.
But then again. . like I said, it affects me. I notice these super close girl pals and sometimes I'm like "Why can't I be like that?" then I realize that I snatch myself away from any type of connection when they come into contact with me. I just. . pull away. And I feel myself doing it too.
Like sometimes, someone will be talking to me and I give like a short, curt answer (unless they are my friend) that seems harsh, and when I notice their facial expression after I'm like "Dammit! I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound so rude," I say that of course in the privacy of my own mind.
I'm nice but not friendly :/ I used to be that way. I used to always talk to people. . but I don't anymore. . . Someone too that ability away from me. .
Well, thanks for reading this far. I just needed to vent. . Thanks. . .
xox NikkiNicole
I do not allow myself to get close to anyone. And when I say ALLOW, I mean it. I've training my heart and mind to shut down to anything emotional when it comes to people. This affects my friendship and dating life. I really do not know how to fix it, and honestly, I don't know if I want to. :what:
Because, hear me out, it works for me. This "stand-offish, distant, here but not here," personality kinda helps me. I feel protected when I am this way. No one expects to much from me and I don't expect much from them. It's tough to explain, folk.
But then again. . like I said, it affects me. I notice these super close girl pals and sometimes I'm like "Why can't I be like that?" then I realize that I snatch myself away from any type of connection when they come into contact with me. I just. . pull away. And I feel myself doing it too.
Like sometimes, someone will be talking to me and I give like a short, curt answer (unless they are my friend) that seems harsh, and when I notice their facial expression after I'm like "Dammit! I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound so rude," I say that of course in the privacy of my own mind.
I'm nice but not friendly :/ I used to be that way. I used to always talk to people. . but I don't anymore. . . Someone too that ability away from me. .
Well, thanks for reading this far. I just needed to vent. . Thanks. . .
xox NikkiNicole