Caught my BF

[clemsongirl2017]

I went to my bf's house after school and he wasn't answering my texts and the front door was locked, so I assumed he was taking a nap (he does it all the time). I walked around back to his window like I've done a dozen times before but this time he was sitting on the couch with his best friend and they were watching porn and masturbating.

Two questions....how common is this? And should I tell him I saw them doing that or is it something I just need to lock up in the secret vault and never tell anyone?

[Sabercat]

First Off, I would love to be him. And to answer your questions I don't know how common it is, but if I got the opportunity to do that I would... And I might tell him depending on if it ever comes up (if he brings up something about masturbating)

[Vermilion]

I'd ask him about it.

[clemsongirl2017]

We haven't gone out very long. I'm just afraid if I tell him I saw he'll freak out or just be so embarrassed he won't want to talk to me again.

[Vermilion]

Ok then just being up masturbating with him and see how he reacts. Remember its easier to not say anything at times, but a relationship built on lies isn't worth having

[Olly]

but a relationship built on lies isn't worth having
Oo, Mr Philosophical over here lol
I don't know, does this count as cheating? I'd suggest talk to either him or this friend about it, gauge their reactions.

[Vermilion]

I don't think it's cheating but if that was me I'd like to know

[colesixteen]

A lot of guys do it. It is pretty common. It may not necessarily mean anything. It could just be a form of release. I have masturbated with some straight friends of mine, and it is not a big deal.

[Uranus]

Sit down and talk with him and try to work things out. Let him know how you feel about itm

[clemsongirl2017]

My concern isn't that he's "cheating" on me. I know he's not gay...he's just a horny guy. I honestly don't care that he was doing it with his friend (they weren't doing it to each other, just sitting on the same couch).

[TylerCoakley]

If it were me, I'd probably rather you just not tell me. Ignorance is bliss, you know. Maybe if we went out for a long time and really trusted each other. However, depending on how easily you saw him, you might be doing him a favor by telling him to make sure no one else catches him haha

[RavenR]

I wouldn't call it "cheating". What you saw is rather common among teens. Besides, they were doing it not to each other but simply sitting near each other. And I would recommend you not to discuss this stuff with him. He will feel embarassed and it will be hard for you to prove that you were not spying on him intentionally.

[Bull]

I think it is creepy that you were looking in his window in the first place. I don't think what you saw was abnormal. I think you should say nothing and stop looking in people's windows.

[clemsongirl2017]

Ok like I said earlier, I don't think he was cheating or anything, it was just a surprise to see. And like I also said earlier, I've gone around back to where he naps and either knocked on the window or let myself in several times before. I wasn't lurking around his house spying on him. I think I'll do like Tyler said and just not say anything. Maybe if we go out for a long time I'll tell him later.

[nklarke]

If, as you said, you don't care about this, I don't see the purpose of talking about it with him.

[Zachary G]

1) masturbating with a bud to pa porn is not cheating, its something boys tend to do from time to time, its normal
2) dont say anything to him about it because its definitely going to embarrass him and might make him feel a bit self conscious
3) he could take it that you were spying on him, in a sense it was an invasion of his privacy
4) it could cause tension in your relatiosnhip and could possibly be the end of it
5) stop peeking in windows, even if its something youve done before, now you know better

[Living For Love]

Puberty For Boys :arrow2: Relationships and Dating.

Please remember that girls are not allowed to post or create threads in the Puberty For Boys section.

[clemsongirl2017]

Sorry for posting in the wrong forum! I just wanted some guys' opinions.

[gig-guy]

Ok like I said earlier, I don't think he was cheating or anything, it was just a surprise to see. And like I also said earlier, I've gone around back to where he naps and either knocked on the window or let myself in several times before. I wasn't lurking around his house spying on him. I think I'll do like Tyler said and just not say anything. Maybe if we go out for a long time I'll tell him later.

Did you ever tell him?

[Cronor]

My opinion is that masturbation should be an open subject in relationships, it's normal.

Just tell him what you've witnessed, don't attack him about it or anything. Tell it as a joke or something.

[clemsongirl2017]

I finally told him lol. He was quite embarrassed by got over it. It all worked out haha.

[Cadanance00]

Zack zack has good ideas. In an ideal world, yah, people should be good with talking about masturbation.

I think it depends on the age, too. 12 to 14 or 15 I think it's a normal thing to do. Older than that I'd wonder.

I think any boy around that age who's had the opportunity has done it.

[SillyShyGuy]

It is pretty common among boys, though I am not sure I would do that if I had a girlfriend. He wants to have fun, if he is not having fun with you then...

[Just JT]

It's not cheating, they are just 2 guys masturbating together. You should be happy he has a male friend that close. It could have also been somewhat of a bonding experience they shRed together. It's private, leave it be.

[DoodleSnap]

One cannot know what the boundaries of a relationship are unless everyone involved has actually spoken about it, and is clear on the matter.

The first thing to ask yourself is: Do you take issue with what you witnessed? Do you feel that he has cheated on you?

If you feel the answer is yes, you cannot let him work that out himself through passive-aggression, for no one is a mind-reader. Be clear with him, discuss what happened, and say that you don't feel comfortable with him doing that. The idea is that you come to a compromise, working out what each other's boundaries are. Masturbation with friends is perfectly normal, and a part of growing up for many teenagers. I can't tell you how he views it, but it isn't something to worry about. All you have to do is work out what you both want, and what you are both comfortable with, and work from there.

Good luck.

[Just JT]

One cannot know what the boundaries of a relationship are unless everyone involved has actually spoken about it, and is clear on the matter.

The first thing to ask yourself is: Do you take issue with what you witnessed? Do you feel that he has cheated on you?

If you feel the answer is yes, you cannot let him work that out himself through passive-aggression, for no one is a mind-reader. Be clear with him, discuss what happened, and say that you don't feel comfortable with him doing that. The idea is that you come to a compromise, working out what each other's boundaries are. Masturbation with friends is perfectly normal, and a part of growing up for many teenagers. I can't tell you how he views it, but it isn't something to worry about. All you have to do is work out what you both want, and what you are both comfortable with, and work from there.

Good luck.

I like how he sad it better, so true.... Nice job bro!!:)

[clemsongirl2017]

I really do appreciate all of the replies, but I feel as if many of you didn't actually read what I said. Never did I say I had a problem with it. Never did I say I thought he was cheating. I just asked if it was common and if I should tell him.

We hadn't been going out very long with I saw what I saw. Now we've been together about seven months and have a great relationship.