Ok, I totally need to get over my guy friend...stat!

[OneLastTime]

Hello all, im new here! :)

I've known my friend since like 9th or 10th grade, we're seniors now. You know when you meet someone and you just know they're a good person? Yep, I've always felt that way about him. I've always just known that he's a cool person. Back in 10th grade, his friend actually came up to me and told me that he liked me(I dont know if he asked her too because he was too shy, or she just felt as if she had to tell me), and I was shocked, because I literally had no idea. I had literally just starting dating my first bf at the time for around 2 weeks, so the timing was completely off.

Well, for a couple of months now, we've been talking a lot over FB, and im realizing just how awesome he is. He's very unique, sweet and kind (he's always been this way) he's clever, intelligent, a deep thinker, funny.... like, I love how our conversations can range from silly and funny, to really deep and stimulating...we can talk about the meaning of life and anime in the same conversation, and it's freaking beautiful lol! In my last relationship, which ended a couple of months ago, I never got that, and im realizing how much I really love being mentally stimulated..

Adding to that, we have a lot of things in common. We both wanna travel one day, we both really like anime and video games, we both like art(specifically drawing, although I dont draw much anymore)and I dunno...we're just so similar, it's kinda weird lol

The thing is, he likes this girl, and he told me about her. The girl is soooooo pretty, and nice, and guys just love her, so I could never compare. Every time he talks about her I give him advice, but I die a little on the inside. He's even going to ask her to prom. I dont know if she likes him back, but I dont see why she wouldn't :/ So yeah, I know he doesn't like me, or see me in that way.

I see him everyday in school, and every time we see each other, we give each other a hug and share a quick laugh before going to class. In gym, he gives me these random little hugs, and we always just gravitate towards each other to talk about random stuff lol, so it's not like I can avoid him. He'll give me compliments some days, saying that I looked really pretty and gorgeous on a particular day that I actually dressed up, did my hair and put on a little bit of makeup, so it's always nice that he notices...he's even sent me a little emoji with the hearts for eyes after saying it, but he's honestly just a friendly guy.

This whole thing sucks, and it's making me feel very sad inside. Even if we were to date, I wouldn't want to lose on of my best, closest friends, but I think he's sooooo amazing... *sigh* maybe I just have some sort of deep admiration for him as a person? I dunno. Any help is appreciated! :)

[Vermilion]

Hello all, im new here! :)

I've known my friend since like 9th or 10th grade, we're seniors now. You know when you meet someone and you just know they're a good person? Yep, I've always felt that way about him. I've always just known that he's a cool person. Back in 10th grade, his friend actually came up to me and told me that he liked me(I dont know if he asked her too because he was too shy, or she just felt as if she had to tell me), and I was shocked, because I literally had no idea. I had literally just starting dating my first bf at the time for around 2 weeks, so the timing was completely off.

Well, for a couple of months now, we've been talking a lot over FB, and im realizing just how awesome he is. He's very unique, sweet and kind (he's always been this way) he's clever, intelligent, a deep thinker, funny.... like, I love how our conversations can range from silly and funny, to really deep and stimulating...we can talk about the meaning of life and anime in the same conversation, and it's freaking beautiful lol! In my last relationship, which ended a couple of months ago, I never got that, and im realizing how much I really love being mentally stimulated..

Adding to that, we have a lot of things in common. We both wanna travel one day, we both really like anime and video games, we both like art(specifically drawing, although I dont draw much anymore)and I dunno...we're just so similar, it's kinda weird lol

The thing is, he likes this girl, and he told me about her. The girl is soooooo pretty, and nice, and guys just love her, so I could never compare. Every time he talks about her I give him advice, but I die a little on the inside. He's even going to ask her to prom. I dont know if she likes him back, but I dont see why she wouldn't :/ So yeah, I know he doesn't like me, or see me in that way.

I see him everyday in school, and every time we see each other, we give each other a hug and share a quick laugh before going to class. In gym, he gives me these random little hugs, and we always just gravitate towards each other to talk about random stuff lol, so it's not like I can avoid him. He'll give me compliments some days, saying that I looked really pretty and gorgeous on a particular day that I actually dressed up, did my hair and put on a little bit of makeup, so it's always nice that he notices...he's even sent me a little emoji with the hearts for eyes after saying it, but he's honestly just a friendly guy.

This whole thing sucks, and it's making me feel very sad inside. Even if we were to date, I wouldn't want to lose on of my best, closest friends, but I think he's sooooo amazing... *sigh* maybe I just have some sort of deep admiration for him as a person? I dunno. Any help is appreciated! :)

You really like him from what I can tell and he has feelings for you as well. I get nor wanting the friendship to end but I would say go for it, see what he thinks about you. You'll regret not going for it. You seem good for each other :)

[CreativeUsername]

Hello all, im new here! :)

I've known my friend since like 9th or 10th grade, we're seniors now. You know when you meet someone and you just know they're a good person? Yep, I've always felt that way about him. I've always just known that he's a cool person. Back in 10th grade, his friend actually came up to me and told me that he liked me(I dont know if he asked her too because he was too shy, or she just felt as if she had to tell me), and I was shocked, because I literally had no idea. I had literally just starting dating my first bf at the time for around 2 weeks, so the timing was completely off.

Well, for a couple of months now, we've been talking a lot over FB, and im realizing just how awesome he is. He's very unique, sweet and kind (he's always been this way) he's clever, intelligent, a deep thinker, funny.... like, I love how our conversations can range from silly and funny, to really deep and stimulating...we can talk about the meaning of life and anime in the same conversation, and it's freaking beautiful lol! In my last relationship, which ended a couple of months ago, I never got that, and im realizing how much I really love being mentally stimulated..

Adding to that, we have a lot of things in common. We both wanna travel one day, we both really like anime and video games, we both like art(specifically drawing, although I dont draw much anymore)and I dunno...we're just so similar, it's kinda weird lol

The thing is, he likes this girl, and he told me about her. The girl is soooooo pretty, and nice, and guys just love her, so I could never compare. Every time he talks about her I give him advice, but I die a little on the inside. He's even going to ask her to prom. I dont know if she likes him back, but I dont see why she wouldn't :/ So yeah, I know he doesn't like me, or see me in that way.

I see him everyday in school, and every time we see each other, we give each other a hug and share a quick laugh before going to class. In gym, he gives me these random little hugs, and we always just gravitate towards each other to talk about random stuff lol, so it's not like I can avoid him. He'll give me compliments some days, saying that I looked really pretty and gorgeous on a particular day that I actually dressed up, did my hair and put on a little bit of makeup, so it's always nice that he notices...he's even sent me a little emoji with the hearts for eyes after saying it, but he's honestly just a friendly guy.

This whole thing sucks, and it's making me feel very sad inside. Even if we were to date, I wouldn't want to lose on of my best, closest friends, but I think he's sooooo amazing... *sigh* maybe I just have some sort of deep admiration for him as a person? I dunno. Any help is appreciated! :)

It sounds to me like you have feelings for each other. He may just have thought that when you got the timing wrong that he should move on. But I agree with the user above, you really need to just go for it. I didn't once, and regret it. And if you are worried about losing him as a friend, you can ask some of his other friends to see what they know before you talk to him about this. Good luck, and I hope it works out for you!:)

[OneLastTime]

Gee...i dunno guys :/ I mean, he does like another girl...I dont think it'd be awkward between us if I were to tell him, but then again, you never know. Like, when I found out he liked me in 10th grade I didn't feel awkward or avoid him in school or anything, I still acted the same around him--so hopefully it would be the same...

[Vermilion]

Gee...i dunno guys :/ I mean, he does like another girl...I dont think it'd be awkward between us if I were to tell him, but then again, you never know. Like, when I found out he liked me in 10th grade I didn't feel awkward or avoid him in school or anything, I still acted the same around him--so hopefully it would be the same...

You only regret the things you don't do In life :)

[OneLastTime]

I hate to admit it lol, but you're right...
I just have to think about this for a while...

[CRH99]

i honestly wouldnt be surprised if hes testing the waters with you by talking about this new girl. if he didnt get a response from you previously hes probably nervous on how to proceed and looking to get a response from you. then of course there is the flipside and he considers you as a friend and is really trying to get with this other girl. so get a little flirty with him, enough to kind of let him know but dont make it really obvious. it also doesnt help that guys are totally blind in matters like this but just see where that goes.

[Uniquemind]

The super bold thing to do is to randomly kiss him passionately when you have a moment alone...if words fail this is always an option and gets the point across.

But I don't know, you always heard 2nd hand that he liked you right?

I've always doubted secondhand reports of being told you are the object of someone's affections, because it's a type of human to human manipulation that you can't verify unless you go straight to the source or the rare ability to read minds.

I guess you could verify by some high tech ways of spying, which apparently is possible to do now....but that's just underhanded and probably criminal.

[OneLastTime]

Thanks for responding guys :)

Quick question...how can you tell the difference between thinking someone is really awesome and admiring them as a person, and liking them? Are the two intertwined in some way?

[Uniquemind]

Thanks for responding guys :)

Quick question...how can you tell the difference between thinking someone is really awesome and admiring them as a person, and liking them? Are the two intertwined in some way?

I think their both forms of love.

But I think the difference resides in the desire of wanting to really launch a lifetime commitment with them for sex, and family, and mutual character building of each other.

Whereas just admiring someone is more platonic, and just cozy but without any lust or sexual desire.

[OneLastTime]

I think their both forms of love.

But I think the difference resides in the desire of wanting to really launch a lifetime commitment with them for sex, and family, and mutual character building of each other.

Whereas just admiring someone is more platonic, and just cozy but without any lust or sexual desire.

Yup, that makes sense. I flip flop between thinking he's cute, and thinking it be weird to get together because we're friends lol

But it kinda doesn't matter because he likes someone else, sooooo...yeah...I think I'll get over this eventually. :/

[Uniquemind]

Yup, that makes sense. I flip flop between thinking he's cute, and thinking it be weird to get together because we're friends lol

But it kinda doesn't matter because he likes someone else, sooooo...yeah...I think I'll get over this eventually. :/

Well keep us posted, if you need further advice.

Life's weird though, like you can like more than one person, you got all these morals and laws and things culture tells you how to see the world, versus what you really feel sometimes which doesn't fit those boxed package definitions.

So just keep that in mind and try not to stress out too much.

You are what you are, and what you choose to be based on what is realistically within human control. The rest is instinctual and carnal.

[DoodleSnap]

As stated above; go for it! Taking opportunities presented to us is what makes life exciting. From what you have said, it sounds like you have feelings for each other, so try dropping some hints and see how it goes. I remember before I admitted my love for my female friend, that I would try to make myself love others and tell her about it, almost to convince myself, so it is not certain that he will end up dating this girl. Don't be worried about losing a friend, if anything, a romantic relationship will strengthen it, as long as you make a relationship where you communicate. Communication is one of the most important things in any relationship, so speak to each other (which it sounds like you are already good at!), and share your feelings, and things will go well. If it does turn out that you guys weren't meant to be, as long as you communicated and worked together, then you will come out the other end as good friends; just like you are now. Anyway, good luck, and I hope all goes well!

[OneLastTime]

As stated above; go for it! Taking opportunities presented to us is what makes life exciting. From what you have said, it sounds like you have feelings for each other, so try dropping some hints and see how it goes. I remember before I admitted my love for my female friend, that I would try to make myself love others and tell her about it, almost to convince myself, so it is not certain that he will end up dating this girl. Don't be worried about losing a friend, if anything, a romantic relationship will strengthen it, as long as you make a relationship where you communicate. Communication is one of the most important things in any relationship, so speak to each other (which it sounds like you are already good at!), and share your feelings, and things will go well. If it does turn out that you guys weren't meant to be, as long as you communicated and worked together, then you will come out the other end as good friends; just like you are now. Anyway, good luck, and I hope all goes well!

The bolded is what im terrified of. A lot of people say that friendships aren't the same after you date, and you should prepare to lose a friend in the process...I dont have many good friends, in fact, I have one other person whom im super close with....so im scared that if we were to date, and break up, I'd lose him forever :/
In regards to the purple, that'd be a dream situation lol!

I seriously dont get any hint that he sees me anymore than a friend, to be honest :/ like he'll high five me, tell me that im awesome, say that im really cool...but that all sounds just platonic. It just sounds too friendly lol
Like, we joke around like theres no tomorrow...but theres no flirting going on (although, im not good at flirting lol, like if I like a guy I dont change how I act, and I dont see him as the type to flirt either haha)

My feelings are just so confusing...one minute I see him as just my friend, the next minute I see him as something more because I think he's amazing, but then I start to worry if it would be awkward if we dated, does he even see me in that way, do I really see him like that, what if I find out something weird about him if we date???? (lol) At the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is lose one of my closest friends...

(and, plot twist: the girl he likes has a boyfriend, and he didn't even know...he just found out :O )

[DoodleSnap]

-Please Remove-

[OneLastTime]

DoodleSnap...im gonna assume that you didnt mean to simply quote what I wrote hahaha

[DoodleSnap]

DoodleSnap...im gonna assume that you didnt mean to simply quote what I wrote hahaha
Yeah, excuse me. Read on.

The bolded is what im terrified of. A lot of people say that friendships aren't the same after you date, and you should prepare to lose a friend in the process...I dont have many good friends, in fact, I have one other person whom im super close with....so im scared that if we were to date, and break up, I'd lose him forever :/
In regards to the purple, that'd be a dream situation lol!

I seriously dont get any hint that he sees me anymore than a friend, to be honest :/ like he'll high five me, tell me that im awesome, say that im really cool...but that all sounds just platonic. It just sounds too friendly lol
Like, we joke around like theres no tomorrow...but theres no flirting going on (although, im not good at flirting lol, like if I like a guy I dont change how I act, and I dont see him as the type to flirt either haha)

My feelings are just so confusing...one minute I see him as just my friend, the next minute I see him as something more because I think he's amazing, but then I start to worry if it would be awkward if we dated, does he even see me in that way, do I really see him like that, what if I find out something weird about him if we date???? (lol) At the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is lose one of my closest friends...

(and, plot twist: the girl he likes has a boyfriend, and he didn't even know...he just found out :O )
That is the idea of communication; breaking down the barriers which make relationships fall apart. Some romantic relationships aren't meant to last forever, and that is okay. What I am suggesting is that you utilise the good amount of communication you have with him already to make any potential romantic relationship successful. I, for example, am in a relationship where we are both best friends, and lovers, and that is okay. When you build a relationship on trust, communication, and acceptance, then it will be a strong one, whether platonic or romantic. You don't have to limit yourself by society's standards of how a romantic relationship goes; you can make it work however best suits you. I am not saying you should necessarily go out and act on every feeling of attraction you have for him, all I am saying is that you shouldn't restrict yourself by fear. As long as you two are able to communicate, and make sure that you both work together towards the best solution for any problem, then the romantic side of the relationship won't necessarily ruin the platonic side.

However, right now, the most important thing is to sort out how you feel about him. Try to get to the heart of what it is you are seeking, is it love? is it his love? Try to break down your internal mental barriers, and find out what you are looking for. I certainly I know I have gone through periods of time where I have felt myself cling on to, and become attracted to people simply because I was looking for love and affection of any kind. Judging this is not the idea, understanding it is. Try to understand yourself without judgement, and feel what it is you would like going forward.

Anyway, that is my $0.02.

[OneLastTime]

Yeah, excuse me. Read on.


That is the idea of communication; breaking down the barriers which make relationships fall apart. Some romantic relationships aren't meant to last forever, and that is okay. What I am suggesting is that you utilise the good amount of communication you have with him already to make any potential romantic relationship successful. I, for example, am in a relationship where we are both best friends, and lovers, and that is okay. When you build a relationship on trust, communication, and acceptance, then it will be a strong one, whether platonic or romantic. You don't have to limit yourself by society's standards of how a romantic relationship goes; you can make it work however best suits you. I am not saying you should necessarily go out and act on every feeling of attraction you have for him, all I am saying is that you shouldn't restrict yourself by fear. As long as you two are able to communicate, and make sure that you both work together towards the best solution for any problem, then the romantic side of the relationship won't necessarily ruin the platonic side.

However, right now, the most important thing is to sort out how you feel about him. Try to get to the heart of what it is you are seeking, is it love? is it his love? Try to break down your internal mental barriers, and find out what you are looking for. I certainly I know I have gone through periods of time where I have felt myself cling on to, and become attracted to people simply because I was looking for love and affection of any kind. Judging this is not the idea, understanding it is. Try to understand yourself without judgement, and feel what it is you would like going forward.

Anyway, that is my $0.02.

You're very wise! Thank you so much for this. Trust me, im trying to understand my wants and feelings in this situation, but's just all so confusing.

I mean, I love how we can talk for hours about anything in the world and not get lost...I mean, in every conversation we have I'm always engaged and interested, which i love! I really love being around him, talking to him all the time...we have fun all the time, which is amazing! And I can be myself around him 100%, and I feel thats the makings of an awesome friendship. There are times when I feel attracted to him, I'm not gonna lie...like, he's not a bad looking dude lol but it's like, when it comes to the physical aspect of a relationship, i worry if it will be awkward...like, to go from being friends to making out??? I dunno about that lol

I'm pretty sure im not just wanting to have a bf for the sake of it, which might lead me to latch onto him out of desperation. I mean, I'd love to have a bf and all, but being single isn't too bad...I have moments where im sad about it, but they are few and far in between. I just genuinely think he's awesome lol

[Uniquemind]

I agree with doodle.

--

You also have to realize that friends who stay friends, do and have drifted apart just due to the consequence of time and circumstance. (Drifting off to different colleges, work careers).


You don't necessarily gain anything or ensure he'll be a friend in the same capacity that he is now to you, by keeping the way you feel about him to yourself.



I'd let him know how you feel, and when you ask to take anything to a romantic or sexual level with anybody (friend or not) they have the right to refuse the request.


In my experience both 1st and 3rd experience via proxy of my friend's relationships, the friendship only gets affected if one person ends up deceiving the other partner (cheating on the terms and conditions that started the relationship > stems from lack of communication in many cases).


Also the ability of both partners to hold a grudge or not hold a grudge plays into whether a friendship survives a failed romance or not.


I've found that when the "do you feel the same way?" time of the relationship starts both parties have an agreed set of rules, including the answer to the above question.

If you don't feel the same way say : No, and I'll be okay with that.

If you say yes, be honest with them about how you think you'll endure if they wronged you and you broke up.


---


Having missed opportunities in life is the worst thing ever.

It's not about being single that is really bugging you. It's about answering the call of an opportunity to put your best foot forward just for the adventure to see the answer around the bend, be it good or bad.



Also it's my opinion that if a friend stops being your friend because you told them you had romantic interests in them, they weren't so nice of a friend after all.

As long as you can accept either a yes or a no answer and you let them know you'll be okay with either answer chances are things won't be so awkward so long as you aren't a clinger or pestering them to change their mind like you would negotiate a price on a car purchase.


---

I need to tell you a story that I was in this same position but my crush on them started when I was very young, like 7, and I harbored it out of fear for 6 years.

That person died in a car accident due to snowy weather and I regret that decision made in fear ever since. In hindsight I would have loved to have told that person and have them reject me even, because it would've made sure they at least heard my feelings and a request for a chance at something more. Perhaps they would have been hanging out with me instead of in that car...

[DoodleSnap]

You're very wise! Thank you so much for this. Trust me, im trying to understand my wants and feelings in this situation, but's just all so confusing.

I mean, I love how we can talk for hours about anything in the world and not get lost...I mean, in every conversation we have I'm always engaged and interested, which i love! I really love being around him, talking to him all the time...we have fun all the time, which is amazing! And I can be myself around him 100%, and I feel thats the makings of an awesome friendship. There are times when I feel attracted to him, I'm not gonna lie...like, he's not a bad looking dude lol but it's like, when it comes to the physical aspect of a relationship, i worry if it will be awkward...like, to go from being friends to making out??? I dunno about that lol

I'm pretty sure im not just wanting to have a bf for the sake of it, which might lead me to latch onto him out of desperation. I mean, I'd love to have a bf and all, but being single isn't too bad...I have moments where im sad about it, but they are few and far in between. I just genuinely think he's awesome lol

I'm glad I could help. I personally agree with the below, in that breaking down the (unfortunately) common practise of not speaking what one feels and bottling up and repressing feelings and thoughts that we have in English-speaking countries is an important part of being at ease with one's self. I appreciate that this is difficult, so good luck in your journey, as it will likely grow to include some bigger concepts. On the subject of this boy; speak to him. I went from being best friends with someone to confessing my love and making out, and our friendship hasn't suffered. We are very much in love, and still try to accept whatever challenge adolescence and growing up throws at us, as however hard it may be to deal with now, it is a lot easier to deal with than the bottled-up, concentrated version is. As I say, don't be afraid to speak to him, and take the relationship into both of your own hands. Don't feel confined by what society tells you relationship should look like; make it your own.
I agree with doodle.

--

You also have to realize that friends who stay friends, do and have drifted apart just due to the consequence of time and circumstance. (Drifting off to different colleges, work careers).


You don't necessarily gain anything or ensure he'll be a friend in the same capacity that he is now to you, by keeping the way you feel about him to yourself.



I'd let him know how you feel, and when you ask to take anything to a romantic or sexual level with anybody (friend or not) they have the right to refuse the request.


In my experience both 1st and 3rd experience via proxy of my friend's relationships, the friendship only gets affected if one person ends up deceiving the other partner (cheating on the terms and conditions that started the relationship > stems from lack of communication in many cases).


Also the ability of both partners to hold a grudge or not hold a grudge plays into whether a friendship survives a failed romance or not.


I've found that when the "do you feel the same way?" time of the relationship starts both parties have an agreed set of rules, including the answer to the above question.

If you don't feel the same way say : No, and I'll be okay with it.

If you say yes, be honest with them about how you think you'll endure if they wronged you and you broke
.


---


Having missed opportunities in life is the worst thing ever.

It's not about being single that is really bugging you. It's about answering the call of an opportunity to put your best foot forward just for the adventure to see the answer around the bend, be it good or bad.



Also it's my opinion that if a friend stops being your friend because you told them you had romantic interests in them, they weren't so nice of a friend after all.

As long as you can accept either a yes or a no answer and you let them know you'll be okay with either answer chances are things won't be so awkward so long as you aren't a clinger or pestering them to change their mind like you would negotiate a price on a car purchase.


---

I need to tell you a story that I was in this same position but my crush on them started when I was very young, like 7, and I harbored it out of fear for 6 years.

That person died in a car accident due to snowy weather and I regret that decision made in fear ever since. In hindsight I would have loved to have told that person and have them reject me even, because it would've made sure they at least heard my feelings and a request for a chance at something more. Perhaps they would have been hanging out with me instead of in that car...

In these situtions it is important to remember that what happened, mathematically is the only thing that could have happened. Don't beat yourself up over it. What happened happened, and your remembrance and caring is more precious a gift after all these years than most anything I can think of.

[OneLastTime]

Thank you guys :) If I gather the courage, I'll let you guys know what happened...

DoodleSnap, I hope this isn't too personal, but how did you and your girlfriend get together? How did you know you had feelings for her?

[DoodleSnap]

Thank you guys :) If I gather the courage, I'll let you guys know what happened...

DoodleSnap, I hope this isn't too personal, but how did you and your girlfriend get together? How did you know you had feelings for her?
(Just a reminder; you need to quote me to make sure I get the notification!)

Well, we met a couple of years ago, and immediately hit it off as friends. We became very close, and shared much of our feelings of admiration and caring for each other, trying to help each other and be there for each other with our various struggles. We became more "affectionate", hugging, holding hands, and being closer, but yet we still couldn't admit our love for each other. I guess, in retrospect, that we both built up various mental layers of fear of losing the friendship, and fear of rejection or embarrassment. But then we finally got around to the big moment (I remember this day; it was very special!), we listened to an album, and finally at the end, we both said "I love you." After much soul searching and confusion at our own feelings, we were hanging out again, one day, and she just kissed me, and we both knew it was right. I guess the rest is history. Anyhow, that is mg brief story.
Have you spoken any more to this boy?

(Also, how did you know she was a girl?:what:)