[Trigger Warning] Again...

[Tesserax]

I did it again last night. After Friday, I had this sort of, urge that I was fighting. I had something nagging at me to cut my left arm again, and I couldn't bear it anymore I just had to cut again, so here I am with another, mediocre cut that is basically nothing compared to what I've seen, and it makes me feel worse that I'm posting when other people are in much worse positions.

Everything's just falling apart, everything that I built myself back up to is just crashing down again. I still have the urge, I still want to but I'm fighting, and I'll keep fighting it until I can't control myself anymore. Who knows, I might cut again tonight.

I only have one friend that I trust with this information, and she's not in my year level. In addition, I like her so I think I've been a bit clingy, so I don't know, it feels like she's avoiding me. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW! I just feel like I'm doing everything wrong, and I just want to stop, I feel like I want to die, but I know I must keep going...

Sorry for ranting, I have to get this off my chest. I just have this fucking pit in my chest, that's just filled with darkness and it's ruining my day. I feel it the whole fucking day and I just feel down from it.

I just, FUCK it all, FUCK. Fuck life, Fuck the world, Fuck everything. Not you people, you're cool. Most of you at least. The ones that don't put others down that is...

[City Kid]

Hey. Remember me? :) I posted in your past two threads, so I thought I might as well post here, too.

First of all, please don't feel like you don't deserve to feel depressed or anything just because there is some person out there who might cut deeper than you do. Just think about it for a second. Would you tell a friend who comes to you with their worries that they should stop whining because there are people who have it worse off than they do? You wouldn't. So stop telling yourself the same thing.

And there's no need to apologize for the rant. This place is there for you to let off some steam and it's definitely a better way of coping than harming yourself.

When it comes to the cutting itself, I don't know if I can give you much more advice. Have you already taken a look at this awesome thread about ways to stop self harming (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=190748)? Maybe some of those methods could help you.
After all it's up to you, but I have faith in you. You seem like a strong person to me, even if you're not seeing it at the moment. Just keep fighting. I know you can do it.

[Vermilion]

When you fall of your horse you get back on. Just one step, you don't need to feel depressed.