How to handle my mother.

[NickTheStar]

My mother was diagnosed with Chrohn's disease 3 years ago. It changed her. She went from being my always caring and kind mom to my always sick and bitchy mom. Last week, they scanned her and believe her to have a tumor right above her optic nerve thats taking away her sight and contributing to vomiting and nausea. The last week has been an absolute hell. She has consistently swore at me and repeatedly disrespects me. The thing is me and my mother always have had a very respectful relationship. I would say our relationship is more of close friends than parent and child. How should I confront her about how she's been treating me and others?
I appreciate any help I receive.

[SethfromMI]

well you can, when she is feeling a little better, gently ask her if she realizes what she is doing? depending how sick she is, she may not even realize it. and as her son, try to understand her condition may be effecting her in ways she may not have a lot of control of always. which will mean to be patient sometimes even if she is not being the nicest. but when she is in a good state, try to talk to her about it. maybe she does not realize and can work on it a little bit

[NickTheStar]

well you can, when she is feeling a little better, gently ask her if she realizes what she is doing? depending how sick she is, she may not even realize it. and as her son, try to understand her condition may be effecting her in ways she may not have a lot of control of always. which will mean to be patient sometimes even if she is not being the nicest. but when she is in a good state, try to talk to her about it. maybe she does not realize and can work on it a little bit

Thanks. I appreciate the help.

[SethfromMI]

Thanks. I appreciate the help.

no problem man. it is a tough situation and even if she is not able to totally control herself, it doesn't man what she is saying and doing isn't hurtful, so I know it is very hard on you

[NickTheStar]

Yeah, i'm really scared for her. But it hurts when she acts like she has been.

[SethfromMI]

Yeah, i'm really scared for her. But it hurts when she acts like she has been.

it is understandable to have mixed emotions. I know tumors can have strange effects on people sometimes. It is natural to be scared. are you alone taking care of her or do you have help?

[NickTheStar]

Pretty much. Her boyfriend works 6 days a week. Its just Me, Her, and Netflix. She was lucky the found it. She went in for a annual check up. Its wrecked her vision. We thought the vomiting and nausea shes been having the past year was her Crohn's.

[SethfromMI]

Pretty much. Her boyfriend works 6 days a week. Its just Me, Her, and Netflix. She was lucky the found it. She went in for a annual check up. Its wrecked her vision. We thought the vomiting and nausea shes been having the past year was her Crohn's.

that's even more stressful for you then. any chance they can remove it? I know that is a difficult area and sometimes there is nothing they can do

[NickTheStar]

She has a appointment on monday.

[SethfromMI]

She has a appointment on monday.

well hopefully they will be able to remove it

[NickTheStar]

yeah.

[Wafflenado]

My mom has a lot of problems, but the main one's are her Stage 4 Breast Cancer and her being Bipolar. Sometimes she'll be triggered by the smallest things (like not taking out the trash) and will just go ballistic. After the fact, she always apologizes, and it's happened enough that I know she does it because she's scared about what's going to happen to her. I think for your mom, she's afraid of not knowing what will happen to her, and she projects that fear as anger onto you and others. Maybe you should just have a talk with her about how she feels about it and see if that gets you anywhere :)

[ImCoolBeans]

When I was a little kid my dad had colon cancer, which is usually very treatable, but he had major complications with the surgery and more or less ended up on his death bed for a while. A major illness or life threatening situation like that often changes a person. Like others have said, your mom likely doesn't realize that she is treating you poorly, and I'm so sorry that you have to go through that, both for the emotional toll your mothers illness is probably having on you, but also for the way it's making her act. I watched my dad's illness and the way he reacted to it destroy my parents marriage -- your mom is likely scared like my dad was and doesn't know how to react. If you're going to confront her about this I would try to do it when she seems like she is having a good day or seems to be more at ease than stressed. I hope everything goes OK for you, your mom, and your family.

[NickTheStar]

Thanks Wafflenado and ImCoolBeans