In the closet unrequited feelings

[audiophile5]

Hey guys
I'm not very sure whether this post goes here, but I thought it's not that much about relationships as it is about coping with sadness and depression.

I was pretty sure I'm straight, but I've met this guy some time ago and we ended up becoming really really close friends. And I also ended up falling for him really hard - I've been feeling this since last July... Anyways, I'm pretty sure he's straight - he has gf now, but he did kiss a guy twice at a party. Yet when we had a sleepover last week, nothing happened between us, just as I had told myself (that doesn't mean of course I didn't have high hopes - after all, why miss an opportunity to get my heart broken, right?:) )

Anyways, has any of you been through something similar? Falling for the same sex best friend without even you knowing you're gay?

Cause I'm at a loss as to how to deal with my current situation and I've been sitting here alone all day crying my eyes out and seeing nothing but endless greyness up ahead. I don't know, I've experienced unrequited love before, but never like this, and it's even worse because normally he'd be the person I'd talk to.

Well, sorry for the long post, I just felt like I had to write these things down, Idk, I feel like actual physical pain in my stomach when I think about it and I know it'll pass, I guess, in time, but until then I just have to suffer, like I've always had. Such a nice existence :)

[Abhorrence]

I guess I did a few years ago, probably when I was 14. I was really confused about myself and just yeah I felt really strongly about this person but nothing came of it obviously because he was straight, I wanted to be straight and I didn't tell anyone.

[audiophile5]

I guess I did a few years ago, probably when I was 14. I was really confused about myself and just yeah I felt really strongly about this person but nothing came of it obviously because he was straight, I wanted to be straight and I didn't tell anyone.

I've also been so confused for such a long time and like kinda depressed when he hung out with other people or idk do stuff with them and not me. Like I used to really be mad at him for things like those and I'd also feel really blue (I know, kinda extreme jealousy- not my best trait). But I've had like idk a sudden realization the other week that I might actually truly love him and since most of the jealousy seems to have gone away.

Right now I just feel so defeated, like I just can't fight anymore - ABBA's song "The winner takes it all" totally highlights that feeling of loss of power in front love. And it sucks cause I don't want to cross that line between being nice/friendly and being needy...

[Torresft9]

Well i have never told this story b4.
I would really like to be straight but i dont know anymore. A couple years ago i believe when i was 14 my friend and i began t hang out alot, then we got a little more serious. we would go over to each others houses and have some "fun" together. We did this for about 2 years, however, we would only see each other like every month or 2. Then when we were 16 we stopped hanging out, had different interests, then he got a gf. Since that experience i find some attraction to few boys i see both in my school and out and about. I also like girls, like when i am with friends and we see a nice one, we look and you know get those thoughts but i also get them with some boys as well.
I have no idea what is happening, the society i live in and the friends i have dont really see persons like me as normal, like i said before i would really like to be straight but i cant stop the feelings i have for some guys.
I am at a loss here so, i just dont know what up. :confused::confused:

[fiftycents]

I did, but not in a way that I love him or anything. Well I think he's a nice guy and all but that's just that. We've been best friends for 3 years now and we've already graduated and lost communication so.. yeah. Well you know I think it's okay to have a man-crush hahaha

[Microcosm]

I thought I was bi a few months ago, but to be perfectly honest, I think I was just fooling myself into thinking that so I could get attention. It's sad and I regret it. I don't believe in fate or whatever, but maybe it's just not meant to be with you and this guy. Maybe you could/should just settle with being friends with him. Think about it and explore your thoughts about him truthfully and without bias.

[audiophile5]

Yeah, I guess I need to find a way of looking at him as a friend - yet that is so difficult to do, when my heart screams otherwise!