Help me.

[Nathan32]

I used to love living, every single thing about it made me happy. Hearing people, seeing people, talking to my family and friends I even liked the trees and birds and hills. But now all I am is empty. I don't go out, I don't like talking to people, I don't like seeing other people happy, my family makes me mad I just have nothing.

I dropped out of school, I have no friends nothing. All I have is an empty fake disgusting smile that makes me sick every time I see it in the mirror, because only I know it's an act. Something as simple as a smile keeps my parents, family, strangers even from knowing just how lost I truly am. On the outside I am charming, sweet, funny, out going but on the inside I feel nothing but sadness and jealousy. What opportunities do I even have, I am not qualified for working a luxurious job, I will only ever break even I will never have that one thing I have been missing for 5 years...happiness.

For the longest time I have been lying to myself "It will get better, just wait and see." but things aren't getting better, they are getting worse. I have no money, no friends, no care, no license and no life. I have a girlfriend that lives 9 hours drive away from me that I will probably never even meet, she's coming here this may but I don't think I even have the courage to go meet her. Who would want a loser anyway. What do I do? Where do I go? How do I even ask for help? It's like I am stuck in a maze and all it consists of is dead ends.

People used to ask me if I think heaven and hell is real, I gave them the same reply every time "Yeah probably". Now I know the answer to that question. Hell is real and every day I live is another day in hell. The life I live may as well be a metaphor for hell. I see no light at the end of the tunnel, no great changes in my future because on the outside I am strong, but inside I am weak and in this world the weak don't make it very far in life.

My names Nathan, 9 days ago I turned 17 and I am running out of time....one way or another my pathetic existence will be put into question and I don't think I have the answers. Please help me.

[Vermilion]

I can see your really down, I know what it's like putting on a fake smile , not knowing where you are going to go in life ect. I'm 17 going on 18 I let over half of my year as a 17 year old be destroyed by depression and self doubt. My relationship ended, I lost friends coz I started college, I failed most my gcse. I let everything build up to the point I wanted to end my life. This is the reason I found virtual teen, it's helped me a lot in such a short time, the people on here gave my the courage to get help. I went to my doctor and explain how I felt and all my worries. You've done the first step excepting there is a problem now you need to get help in the form of medical help be it meds or counselling may be both. I do meds and start counselling in a week, it does get better but it takes time and help. You should also think about where you won't to go in life and how your going to get there. I'm happy to talk if you want.

[Nico11]

You need medical help. Please get out of your shell. Otherwise the self doubt will eat you away. You're a valuable part of VT, and we can't afford to lose you. Please get some help.

[xXoblivionXx]

Feeling empty is one of the worst feelings, incomplete and a mess. And I'm not saying that you haven't done anything to get out of feeling that way that you are but don't you think that hoping to get better without a plan is just wishful thinking and with out taking action the situation may never change. Change is hard but it's going to be worth it. Get an education, go to college move out. Maybe a school closer to your girlfriend. You can do this, you can be happy Nathan. And like others have said maybe it's depression, or that's part of it, anti depressants can be such a difference in the way you see the world. We are here to help along the way

[Oblivious_N_unknown]

Alot if people feel this way. I have felt a similar depression where everything seemed worthless. Where i shouldn't even bother. I then realized that i am lucky. Just because i feel like i am trapped in a rut doesn't mean anything. I look to the little things. The things that may have no value or importance to others but do to me. Thats what allows me to keep going. With that i made new friends. That inspire me to do new things. You should go back to school. As well as find things that make you happy and turn that into a skill.

[Nathan32]

People like me can't be happy, no matter how many doctors I see, no matter how many pills I take there will always be that deep dark hole of depression and self doubt. Happiness from medication isn't real happiness it's just another addicting substance used to escape reality. I want to become a lawyer, 7 years it supposedly takes id be 24 if I started now. Why bother. I have tried to seek help I have tried to talk to people they tell me it's all to do with my outlook on life, that's the biggest joke of all. As if waking up in the morning thinking "Today will be a good day i'm going to be ok" will actually make me feel ok. If I have the outlook that i'm going to have alot of money later in life it doesn't mean that i'm going to it's a false assumption built upon false hope.

You guys are nice though and probably went through more then I ever have, my problems are small and insignificant compared to what else is going on now days.

[xXoblivionXx]

24 isn't too old if you think about it, that's still young. try not to think about it in that way, think about it as setting yourself up for an easier life. if you don't get an education especially nowadays it'll be really hard to find a well paying job with decent hours. becoming a lawyer or what every you decide to be will help you in the long run.

for sure, anti depressants aren't some magical happy pill. but they are suppose to help stabilize your mood as you work on different skills/coping methods to help you have a more positive out look on life.

You're feelings are just as authentic as anyone else's. People go through stuff, some more than others but I don't like to compare, I think everyone is different going through different things. But you'll find people who you can talk to who have or currently are going through the same thing.

[Nathan32]

24 isn't too old if you think about it, that's still young. try not to think about it in that way, think about it as setting yourself up for an easier life. if you don't get an education especially nowadays it'll be really hard to find a well paying job with decent hours. becoming a lawyer or what every you decide to be will help you in the long run.

for sure, anti depressants aren't some magical happy pill. but they are suppose to help stabilize your mood as you work on different skills/coping methods to help you have a more positive out look on life.

You're feelings are just as authentic as anyone else's. People go through stuff, some more than others but I don't like to compare, I think everyone is different going through different things. But you'll find people who you can talk to who have or currently are going through the same thing.

That actually made my day (: you should pm me sometime, same goes for anyone else that wants to talk

[Mrladner]

There's only one way to change your life. Stand up and do something. Find a purpose. Do something that has meaning. Volunteer work or anything like that. You'd be amazed at how making someone else happy can affect you.

[Tifany]

We all go through this phase sometimes but believe me, you can and you'll get over your problems and you can really work it out yourself. Make friends or talk to your friends and family members that can help you. Seek professional help if you need to. There are ups and downs in life but you have to face all problems with a positive attitude.

[Nathan32]

Lifes nothing but a sick joke, my new plan is to live it care free until I have no other choice, then I guess I will just end it. You only live once right.