I could use some help...

[Plane And Simple]

(wow, me posting here, what the heck am I doing trying to find myself a date)

I guess i could use some help from the experts in here. Just as every story here pretty much, there's this girl I want to, first be friends with, and then maybe something else if stuff works out. He went to my class for four years, we had every period together pretty much, but we never really talked too much. My group of friends is guys only and it's sort of isolated, just like every other, so there is no opportunity for me to sort of get to know her. I have her number, because we were in a chat group together, we spoke a couple times, but for the life of me, I must be boring as fuck because I never know what to talk about. I thought about chatting for a bit via text, without overdoing it obviously, just to get to know her a little, see how that works out, but as said, I have no topic to talk about pretty much, because i know little to nothing about her. I feel just texting hi and asking about her likes or something would be pretty awkward, because we haven't had a conversation, only once or twice and it wasn't too long.

So what would you advise me to do? I'm sort of lost... Feel free to ask for more details if you need to

[SethfromMI]

Well here are some thoughts of different things which may (hopefully be able to help you). If she is showing any interest in you, see if she wants to hang out with you sometime, just the two of you. does not have to be anything fancy, a meal, a couple of coffee, whatever the two of you decide you may want to do. you need to have the opportunity to just spend some time alone, to see if there is the potential for any real chemistry. it may mean having to spend less time with your group of friends (not give them up of course, but just so you can invest more time into the relationship)

in many relationships, it is common the girl is going to have more to say than the guy. that is just often how it works. obviously pay close attention to what she says and when you do have something to say, let it be meaningful. girls would rather have a few quality words than a massive quantity which doesn't really mean anything.

I guess the first real step though is to see if she will spend some time with just the two of you

[Plane And Simple]

Well here are some thoughts of different things which may (hopefully be able to help you). If she is showing any interest in you, see if she wants to hang out with you sometime, just the two of you. does not have to be anything fancy, a meal, a couple of coffee, whatever the two of you decide you may want to do. you need to have the opportunity to just spend some time alone, to see if there is the potential for any real chemistry. it may mean having to spend less time with your group of friends (not give them up of course, but just so you can invest more time into the relationship)

in many relationships, it is common the girl is going to have more to say than the guy. that is just often how it works. obviously pay close attention to what she says and when you do have something to say, let it be meaningful. girls would rather have a few quality words than a massive quantity which doesn't really mean anything.

I guess the first real step though is to see if she will spend some time with just the two of you

The main problem here is that, even though we know each other, we've barely spoken, and I want to get those chat started,but I don't know how or what to say. Thanks for the help though, much appreciated.

[SethfromMI]

The main problem here is that, even though we know each other, we've barely spoken, and I want to get those chat started,but I don't know how or what to say. Thanks for the help though, much appreciated.

no problem. like I said, try inviting her to have lunch with you or a cup of coffee or something simple like that. since you already know her, it won't seem to out there. sometimes it works out nice if you both are going to be at a party or something and you have even more of an excuse to meet up with her, but I have asked girls out with not knowing them super well before for lunch/dinner/whatever. if she asks why, you can simply say you want to get to know her better (which is true)

[Plane And Simple]

no problem. like I said, try inviting her to have lunch with you or a cup of coffee or something simple like that. since you already know her, it won't seem to out there. sometimes it works out nice if you both are going to be at a party or something and you have even more of an excuse to meet up with her, but I have asked girls out with not knowing them super well before for lunch/dinner/whatever. if she asks why, you can simply say you want to get to know her better (which is true)

I don't know if it's me just being weird but that feels like not a good idea just out of the blue... I think it would be sort of awkward to just go ahead and say hey, I've barely spoken to you but let's go out have an ice cream or something. Might be just me overdoing this but I really don't want to go too fast. I want to see if I talk to her sometime today or tomorrow via text or whatever so We'll see how that goes.

[Typhlosion]

I know my idea is much less direct or useful, but why not have a friend in common arrange a meetup between the three of you, and at one point they leave you two and you guys can work it out alone? It's less direct and doesn't necessarily show your intentions (and if it does, might show you as a shy person) but it's a nice backup idea.

[Plane And Simple]

I know my idea is much less direct or useful, but why not have a friend in common arrange a meetup between the three of you, and at one point they leave you two and you guys can work it out alone? It's less direct and doesn't necessarily show your intentions (and if it does, might show you as a shy person) but it's a nice backup idea.

That's a cool idea, but the thing is the friends we have in common, I've never hung out with, so that'd be pretty noticeable :P

[SethfromMI]

I don't know if it's me just being weird but that feels like not a good idea just out of the blue... I think it would be sort of awkward to just go ahead and say hey, I've barely spoken to you but let's go out have an ice cream or something. Might be just me overdoing this but I really don't want to go too fast. I want to see if I talk to her sometime today or tomorrow via text or whatever so We'll see how that goes.

ah well if you have her number/facebook and stuff, that can be a good route to take to. you have to go at a pace which is comfortable for you and one which will be for her too. I don't always have a problem asking a girl I do not know as well for ice cream or whatever, but some would. some girls wouldn't mind but not all like that either. you def have to be the judge on that one and if you feel you should take things slower, then that is what you should probably do

[Plane And Simple]

ah well if you have her number/facebook and stuff, that can be a good route to take to. you have to go at a pace which is comfortable for you and one which will be for her too. I don't always have a problem asking a girl I do not know as well for ice cream or whatever, but some would. some girls wouldn't mind but not all like that either. you def have to be the judge on that one and if you feel you should take things slower, then that is what you should probably do

Yeah I see what you mean. Any advice on how to start talking to her a bit more?

[SethfromMI]

Yeah I see what you mean. Any advice on how to start talking to her a bit more?

do you have any classes together? I know you may not know a whole lot about her, but is there anything specific you know you both share in common?

[Plane And Simple]

do you have any classes together? I know you may not know a whole lot about her, but is there anything specific you know you both share in common?

Not classes but we do have some teachers in common.

[SethfromMI]

Not classes but we do have some teachers in common.

well you know, even if that is one of the only things you know you have in common so far, that can be a start. talking about the different teachers you like/dislike, what you have to do for class, etc. sometimes, even something as small as shared common teachers can spark into a long conversation. I started this convo with this one girl because I noticed she was reading a book I had read and enjoyed before. I went out with her a few times and although it did not end up being very serious, something as small as that ended up at least sparking some good convos (we are still friends and still talk)

[NickTheStar]

Approach her exuding confidence. And ask her straight up. Dont bullshit around. If your feeling something chances are with her to. Platonic relationships between humans do not exist. There is always emotion. If you ask her straight up you will get a direct answer. Better than putting in work for a rejection. Good luck.

[Plane And Simple]

well you know, even if that is one of the only things you know you have in common so far, that can be a start. talking about the different teachers you like/dislike, what you have to do for class, etc. sometimes, even something as small as shared common teachers can spark into a long conversation. I started this convo with this one girl because I noticed she was reading a book I had read and enjoyed before. I went out with her a few times and although it did not end up being very serious, something as small as that ended up at least sparking some good convos (we are still friends and still talk)
Yeah you're right. That's a cool start, and we've already talked about it a tiny bit and that went fine I'd say. I guess I'm boring or something because I can't have a proper interesting convo with a girl but we'll see how I fix that.
Approach her exuding confidence. And ask her straight up. Dont bullshit around. If your feeling something chances are with her to. Platonic relationships between humans do not exist. There is always emotion. If you ask her straight up you will get a direct answer. Better than putting in work for a rejection. Good luck.
I'm really sorry but I'm totally not doing that at all. Thanks for the advice though

[Vlerchan]

I can be helpful from time to time:

Starting with a face-to-face conversation is best. It's easier to pick up on all sort of cues that will indicate whether pursuing this is worth your time. Once you establish this first conversation - I'm not sure about you schedule so can't offer much help here: bus, assemblies, preferably somewhere you don't need to deal with more than one person if you're unconfident - just follow these simple steps:
Open with something you share in common. School is the go-to here, try teachers, ask what you have Mr Garcia for or something, just start with something yous are both able to talk about.
Listen carefully. People tend to introduce cues to subjects they are interested in during conversation. She mentions something, you follow up. Feign interest if you have to, you're attempting to form a connection here, whether the connection is worthwhile can be determined later.
Keep doing this. It makes it seem like you're leading an interesting conversation, when it's more like she's walking herself through her interests with you.
So, for example, you'll want to [1] start with mentioning the teacher, and then [2] ask what he's teaching her, and then [3] ask if it's relating in to what she's hoping to do after school, in which case she'll mention this, and then [4] focus on that, and all the tangential interests than form off it. That's all to be inter-spaced with small talk as required, you can't just jump from question to question.

If that sounds manipulative, it's because it probably is.

[SethfromMI]

Yeah you're right. That's a cool start, and we've already talked about it a tiny bit and that went fine I'd say. I guess I'm boring or something because I can't have a proper interesting convo with a girl but we'll see how I fix that.

haha well a lot of guys have that problem. if you are a good listener, your more than half way there. pay attention to what she says and be genuinely interested or at least try to show you are). that will mean more to her than just random chit chat

[Plane And Simple]

I can be helpful from time to time:

Starting with a face-to-face conversation is best. It's easier to pick up on all sort of cues that will indicate whether pursuing this is worth your time. Once you establish this first conversation - I'm not sure about you schedule so can't offer much help here: bus, assemblies, preferably somewhere you don't need to deal with more than one person if you're unconfident - just follow these simple steps:
Open with something you share in common. School is the go-to here, try teachers, ask what you have Mr Garcia for or something, just start with something yous are both able to talk about.
Listen carefully. People tend to introduce cues to subjects they are interested in during conversation. She mentions something, you follow up. Feign interest if you have to, you're attempting to form a connection here, whether the connection is worthwhile can be determined later.
Keep doing this. It makes it seem like you're leading an interesting conversation, when it's more like she's walking herself through her interests with you.
So, for example, you'll want to [1] start with mentioning the teacher, and then [2] ask what he's teaching her, and then [3] ask if it's relating in to what she's hoping to do after school, in which case she'll mention this, and then [4] focus on that, and all the tangential interests than form off it. That's all to be inter-spaced with small talk as required, you can't just jump from question to question.

If that sounds manipulative, it's because it probably is.

Yeah I've done that, seems to work so far. Monday at like 12AM I finally decided to say Hi. We started with teachers and ended up finding we both love travelling so that's pretty awesome. It was a short, 40-message chat but it's something

haha well a lot of guys have that problem. if you are a good listener, your more than half way there. pay attention to what she says and be genuinely interested or at least try to show you are). that will mean more to her than just random chit chat

Yeah I try. I dont want to be too annoying in messaging though so I want to wait a couple days before I do that again

[SethfromMI]

Yeah I've done that, seems to work so far. Monday at like 12AM I finally decided to say Hi. We started with teachers and ended up finding we both love travelling so that's pretty awesome. It was a short, 40-message chat but it's something



Yeah I try. I dont want to be too annoying in messaging though so I want to wait a couple days before I do that again

that's smart though. don't want to rush things or overwhelm her

[Plane And Simple]

that's smart though. don't want to rush things or overwhelm her

Yeah. It's hard though because it really want to do it :P But I'm holding it back. One of my friends says I should speak to her today but I feel it might be slightly too soon, it's only been one day/two nights...

[SethfromMI]

Yeah. It's hard though because it really want to do it :P But I'm holding it back. One of my friends says I should speak to her today but I feel it might be slightly too soon, it's only been one day/two nights...

haha oh I know how that goes man. and it is hard to say. some girls want you to contact them sooner, some feel smothered. just go with your gut based on what you know of her and what you feel comfortable doing

[Plane And Simple]

haha oh I know how that goes man. and it is hard to say. some girls want you to contact them sooner, some feel smothered. just go with your gut based on what you know of her and what you feel comfortable doing

Yeah We'll see hahaha. Do PM me if you need some more info or something, but thanks for the help, even though it wasn't direct advice on what was happening it'll help for later

[SethfromMI]

Yeah We'll see hahaha. Do PM me if you need some more info or something, but thanks for the help, even though it wasn't direct advice on what was happening it'll help for later

I might shoot you an email real quick. you're welcome though ,an, sorry I was not more helpful

[Plane And Simple]

I might shoot you an email real quick. you're welcome though ,an, sorry I was not more helpful

You were more than helpful haha

[Plane And Simple]

I guess I'll update this after some time as I have been scrolling through my threads and found this. After around two or so years of thinking about it (I posted this way later than I should have) I planned to ask her to something somewhat informal, just have a drink or whatever. May 13th I did, and she said it wasn't time to do it as she's kind of having a hard time for another guy. All good, we still speak just as before so awesome.

[SethfromMI]

I guess I'll update this after some time as I have been scrolling through my threads and found this. After around two or so years of thinking about it (I posted this way later than I should have) I planned to ask her to something somewhat informal, just have a drink or whatever. May 13th I did, and she said it wasn't time to do it as she's kind of having a hard time for another guy. All good, we still speak just as before so awesome.

sorry it never worked out for you man, but who never knows, it is not a dorr which has to be shut forever

[Uniquemind]

The best quality a guy can have is to be rejected, and not act all butthurt and insecure about it.

Sure it's not the outcome a guy wanted, but for a girl it provides some relaxation that the guy isn't the fixated-grudge holding type.

[Plane And Simple]

sorry it never worked out for you man, but who never knows, it is not a dorr which has to be shut forever

No worries. I know it may just not be it but right now I don't really mind whatever happened or might happen :P

The best quality a guy can have is to be rejected, and not act all butthurt and insecure about it.

Sure it's not the outcome a guy wanted, but for a girl it provides some relaxation that the guy isn't the fixated-grudge holding type.

Yup. If I was to stay within the topic still, it would probably bring bad results to both, seeing as I'd be worried, frustrated and annoyed and she'd be god knows what. Best thing to me is not moving on, but just letting it be as it is and enjoying what I do have now. In fact yesterday when we got out of the Physics test and no one did the option I did but her, she asked and we just were speaking about the exam in general without nothing to worry about on my part (I doubt she's worried anyway lol), nothing awkward, weird or whatever, just fine.