I have caught my dad cheating. What do I do?

[chumscrubber]

Hi, guys. I'm Alana, and I'm new here.

Today, I went on my dads phone to look up a recipe for teriyaki sauce. As I went on Safari, mail was open, with many emails from different females all with names like "Dominant Female". His email address was [email protected] That's when I knew this was not just a innocent email account.

I didn't have a lot of time, I only got to skim through, but one woman said
"I am in the country for 5 days, lets meet up."

THIS QUALIFIES AS CHEATING, and it freaks the hell out of me. First, I feel so bad for my mom. I was under the impression they were a happy couple, but it seems as if my dad has a major problem with sex, and has an obsession with porn and BDSM. Look, that would be fine, if he didn't have a wife, and wasn't talking directly with other women and planning to meet up with them.

I feel really sick to my stomach. The whole thing is so disgusting. Should I tell my mom? Should I confront my dad? Has this happened to anyone before, and does this qualify as cheating?

Thank you...:metal:

[jordanhardy]

I would speak to your dad about it before talking to your mum. He may have a reasonable explanation for it. See what he has to say. Rushing in and exposing this to everyone isn't going to do any good. It should be him that tells your mum about it, she shouldn't have to hear it from somebody else. Either way it's a horrible situation to be in.

[Vermilion]

I would speak to your dad about it before talking to your mum. He may have a reasonable explanation for it. See what he has to say. Rushing in and exposing this to everyone isn't going to do any good. It should be him that tells your mum about it, she shouldn't have to hear it from somebody else. Either way it's a horrible situation to be in.


I completely agree with this.

[Uranus]

I suggest you not talk with anyone about it to be honest. This is not just a simple cheating affair of kissing another woman and taking her out. This is something much more than that and it seems like it's been going on for awhile. If you talk to him, he could possibly get mad. And might do anything to make sure your mom/his (Probably)soon-to-be-ex wife doesn't find out. This is something your mom should find out on her own. I suggest you borrow his phone possibly, and leave the browsing history up, or the emails and let your mom walk in and find it by herself. Otherwise she'll probably have to explain alot of what the whole BDSM/sex/porn things. Which you probably won't want to talk about. So yea. Leave it in the open for her to find herself.

[Uniquemind]

Another possibility is that your mom already knows and there isn't any secrets between them and she's alright with it.

Some couples have agreements in the bedroom they hide from their kids.

I'd stay quiet about it so as to buy myself time and also to learn some more while playing ignorance and this includes making sure you hide those feelings of disgust toward your father from him.

As a child be prepared for step siblings existing out there though and the legal possibilities that go along with that like inheritance property rights and stuff if say suddenly something happened to your dad one day.

Just brace for this storm and keep a low profile.

Also learn from this and make sure as you lead your own life you'll not have this character flaw.