Remora
March 30th, 2015, 02:45 PM
I haven't been on here for quite a while, but i need to vent, and i need advice...
During the past week, a lot- or, well, i think it's a lot, has happened. Mainly, i went to London with half my class, and while this is not *that* big of a deal, i still believe it has allowed the things that were big deals to happen.
So, the first three days of that trip, Monday to Wednesday, just went past pretty fast. We mainly went sightseeing and stuff like that (and paid a lot of visits to fast food restaurants, whoops) and i re-damaged my ankle (initially damaged due to the fact i'm terrible at volleyball and fell onto someones' foot when i landed) climbing the St. Paul's Cathedral, but other than that nothing special happened.
That Thursday, however, we were given an entire afternoon to roam around the city of London, and, well, the second event in the chain happened here. We visited the National History Museum in a group of 11 friends and a teacher, and as me and a female friend fell ahead of the group (they were obsessed with some sarcophagus) she misunderstood my "k mate", claiming i said "gay-mate", and it escalated from there. So right there, in the middle of some fancy museum, crowded with people, i came out- luckily in the Dutch language and in a rather subtle manner, but i still came out. And the second the words that had me come out came out of my mouth, i realized the mistake i had made- you see, the young woman i had told was very talkative and not very good at keeping secrets...
I experienced my mistake soon, as later during the day, a different female classmate approached me. "Hey, she told me...", she told me. She sat down next to me, hugging me, and constantly saying she liked it a lot, and all i could do is sit there petrified, blushing with the strength of seven thousand suns, more uncomfortable than i'd ever been. A little relief appeared, however, when she had explained that "it was safe with her" and "the other female friend just needed to tell someone". So far, this seems to be true, and i've been able to trust her in the past, so i'll just keep my fingers crossed for it to stay that way.
I also had some suicidal thoughts from this day onward. Twice when the metro approached, i'd considered just jumping in front and be done with all this hassle, and additionally when we were assigned to the balcony in some theater the urge to just jump down was rather big too. I think i'm doing a lot better now though.
The third event was probably the most important one, or well, the one i wished hadn't happened the most. Remember Ruben? That little fluffy creature that dwells within my class? The one that i'd almost got over completely by last Thursday? Well, i'll tell you- spending four straight hours in a bus next to the cutest entity in the universe while that very entity is asleep does NOT do well if you are trying to get over him. Nor does it help if you spent every second of those hours staring at him and analyzing every single part of him. I should not have done that.
He's growing, too. If that guy -also- manages to get tall, then i fear i'll have my heart glued to him permanently. And while i'm not certain if he had actually gotten taller or if it was just the comparison with English people (as Dutchmen), it did "revive" my crush on him, and now it's stronger than ever...
Some minor factors during the actual tour were a certain member of my class constantly complaining about his feet hurting and constantly laying down on the floor wherever the hell we went, having us be ashamed because he really did look like a hobo, both in appearance and behavior... and then there was sexual frustration- there was no privacy, three of us in the room where we slept.
The fourth event, one that was in my experience just a minor one, was when i'd already gotten back home- i cried out to my sister because i needed a hug real damn badly and then she appeared with two glasses of some weird lemonade-like alcoholic drink. Since i were already in "fuck it" condition, i simply took one of the glasses and drank it. It didn't taste bad at all, but it was the first time i had anything of the sort. My eyes burnt a little and i was just a little bit dizzy, but other than that, i just went to sleep, very much tired.
//rant//
I'm sorry for bothering everyone this wall of text, but i need help...
During the past week, a lot- or, well, i think it's a lot, has happened. Mainly, i went to London with half my class, and while this is not *that* big of a deal, i still believe it has allowed the things that were big deals to happen.
So, the first three days of that trip, Monday to Wednesday, just went past pretty fast. We mainly went sightseeing and stuff like that (and paid a lot of visits to fast food restaurants, whoops) and i re-damaged my ankle (initially damaged due to the fact i'm terrible at volleyball and fell onto someones' foot when i landed) climbing the St. Paul's Cathedral, but other than that nothing special happened.
That Thursday, however, we were given an entire afternoon to roam around the city of London, and, well, the second event in the chain happened here. We visited the National History Museum in a group of 11 friends and a teacher, and as me and a female friend fell ahead of the group (they were obsessed with some sarcophagus) she misunderstood my "k mate", claiming i said "gay-mate", and it escalated from there. So right there, in the middle of some fancy museum, crowded with people, i came out- luckily in the Dutch language and in a rather subtle manner, but i still came out. And the second the words that had me come out came out of my mouth, i realized the mistake i had made- you see, the young woman i had told was very talkative and not very good at keeping secrets...
I experienced my mistake soon, as later during the day, a different female classmate approached me. "Hey, she told me...", she told me. She sat down next to me, hugging me, and constantly saying she liked it a lot, and all i could do is sit there petrified, blushing with the strength of seven thousand suns, more uncomfortable than i'd ever been. A little relief appeared, however, when she had explained that "it was safe with her" and "the other female friend just needed to tell someone". So far, this seems to be true, and i've been able to trust her in the past, so i'll just keep my fingers crossed for it to stay that way.
I also had some suicidal thoughts from this day onward. Twice when the metro approached, i'd considered just jumping in front and be done with all this hassle, and additionally when we were assigned to the balcony in some theater the urge to just jump down was rather big too. I think i'm doing a lot better now though.
The third event was probably the most important one, or well, the one i wished hadn't happened the most. Remember Ruben? That little fluffy creature that dwells within my class? The one that i'd almost got over completely by last Thursday? Well, i'll tell you- spending four straight hours in a bus next to the cutest entity in the universe while that very entity is asleep does NOT do well if you are trying to get over him. Nor does it help if you spent every second of those hours staring at him and analyzing every single part of him. I should not have done that.
He's growing, too. If that guy -also- manages to get tall, then i fear i'll have my heart glued to him permanently. And while i'm not certain if he had actually gotten taller or if it was just the comparison with English people (as Dutchmen), it did "revive" my crush on him, and now it's stronger than ever...
Some minor factors during the actual tour were a certain member of my class constantly complaining about his feet hurting and constantly laying down on the floor wherever the hell we went, having us be ashamed because he really did look like a hobo, both in appearance and behavior... and then there was sexual frustration- there was no privacy, three of us in the room where we slept.
The fourth event, one that was in my experience just a minor one, was when i'd already gotten back home- i cried out to my sister because i needed a hug real damn badly and then she appeared with two glasses of some weird lemonade-like alcoholic drink. Since i were already in "fuck it" condition, i simply took one of the glasses and drank it. It didn't taste bad at all, but it was the first time i had anything of the sort. My eyes burnt a little and i was just a little bit dizzy, but other than that, i just went to sleep, very much tired.
//rant//
I'm sorry for bothering everyone this wall of text, but i need help...