I have no choices now.

[WanderingHeart]

Well, I tried. Everything.
About 4 or 5 years of this shit and I'm just about done with it. And I decided that I am going to kill myself sometime soon.
I tried several times to get help but it really just didn't work. I tried reaching out and speaking so many times and it FAILED. I quit, I QUIT. Once I finally completely plan out my suicide, that weight will be lifted off my shoulders. I can't wait until the day I die. "Think about the people who will miss you!" Yeah? They all caused it! I don't care if they're sorry once I am gone. I am doing this for myself, not for those fuckheads. I am *exhausted* from all the pain and pressure.

When I die, who knows what'll happen. I deserve to go to hell, whoever's up there will probably send me there. But what can I do? This is the only way, I was destined to go to hell anyway. Of course I want to go to heaven but it doesn't look like I will.

I'm just done. This world would do better off without me.
I'm sorry Hanan, my best friend in the whole wide world. I love you so so much and you deserve better than me.

[Smithy3x]

Hey, I'm 14 boy, and got kinda the same feelings right now. Just let you know that you're not alone. I would be more than happy to chat with you if you want to, but suicide is not the option.

[lowride]

I tired to kill myself 4 times trust me ur not alone its painful but its gonna get better i understand y u don't want to live be there is a better way just find people that hav the same feel ik u c no way pit but there is gonna be a way out i promise please dont

[Leprous]

PartyPoison789 Look, I know how you feel, I defnitly do, but please, don't kill yourself. I've tried it several times and I can tell you it's not worth it. All it does is hirt those around you. People will actually miss you, we all will. You are part of VT, part of the people that make this place so awesome. I know life's hard, I really do, but you should never give up. It does get better, believe it or not. If you ever need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to let me know, okay? You don't deserve hell, because I know you're a great person. I really do know you are.

Look, all my sentences may have the same meaning but that's because I care. Yes, some random guy on the other side of the world cares. People already replied to this, they care aswell. We don't wanna loose you. Just, please please please stay safe. Remember, if there's anything you need to talk about, you can always message me. You were the first person to reply to me when I made my post when I felt bad, and I appreciate that. And I wanna say thank you. Thank you for being so awesome, thank you for caring. And I care too, I really do.

Stay strong, I'm sure you can!

[WanderingHeart]

I really appreciate your care and concern, but what can I do? I've tried getting help too many times but as long as I am in this home my parents will not get me the help I need. It's over.

[lowride]

No its not just take it one day at a time i know life is hard but it'll get better

[Leprous]

I really appreciate your care and concern, but what can I do? I've tried getting help too many times but as long as I am in this home my parents will not get me the help I need. It's over.

You should never say it's over. No matter what may happen, you should never give up on life. Yes it's hard, but that doesn't mean you should give up. Always keep on going, I'm sure you can :)

[Abhorrence]

There's always a choice when it comes to suicide or anything self-destructive. You have a choice to fight and you should fight. Even if you can't get help. 90% of getting help is put to you anyway. It is down to your mind whether to fight or not.

[SethfromMI]

no matter how bad it gets, you always have choices when it comes to stuff like this

[WanderingHeart]

I don't know D'x. Being here (at home) makes me want to kill myself badly.

[SethfromMI]

are there any friends or other family you could stay with till you have the chance to talk to a professional? take a deep breathe. no matter how bad it is, I promise you, there is another option

[WanderingHeart]

I'm only 14, I can't go anywhere -.-.

And the stupid counselor lady at school isn't helping, all she does is tell my parents everything which makes it worse! And even though I tried telling her not to she still did.

[SethfromMI]

I'm only 14, I can't go anywhere -.-.

And the stupid counselor lady at school isn't helping, all she does is tell my parents everything which makes it worse! And even though I tried telling her not to she still did.

well at your age you are going to need your parents consent at a lot of places to be able to get/pay for counseling, which I gently tell you I strongly recommend getting

[WanderingHeart]

Even after being told by several doctors AND my school, my parents acted like they were never told I needed therapy.

[Mil1dreded]

Hey I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling you need to force your parents to pay for therapy and I know you feel awful I can relate I've had spells of severe depression and anxiety killing yourself is not the answer people will miss you and listen to everyone on this forum they are all really kind and have genuine concern for you they don't want you Kill yourself so try and get the therapy do whatever it takes to get it

[WanderingHeart]

I think I'll hold off on my plans for suicide for now >_<. I gotta think things through...Thank you so much, guys.
I honestly think I need to be put in some sort of psychiatric unit, but nobody will listen to me when I try to say so.

I need to be cut off from my immediate family, I can't take it.

[SethfromMI]

I think I'll hold off on my plans for suicide for now >_<. I gotta think things through...Thank you so much, guys.
I honestly think I need to be put in some sort of psychiatric unit, but nobody will listen to me when I try to say so.

I need to be cut off from my immediate family, I can't take it.

well if you go to the hospital and tell them of your problem, depending on the seriousness, they can force you into a psychiatric unit, whether your parents like it or not. I am not sure how extreme it needs to be. talk to your counselor again at school and see if there is anything else you can do. but def hold off because there are still possible choices

[WanderingHeart]

I'll do my best >_<. Just started Spring Break though, but I can hold on for a little longer.

[SethfromMI]

I'll do my best >_<. Just started Spring Break though, but I can hold on for a little longer.

I know you can. it may be tough but you are strong enough :)

[WanderingHeart]

o-o!

Thank you so much to everyone who replied to this. When I forst posted this I was ready to die. You talked me out of suicide when no one else was there for me.

[SethfromMI]

o-o!

Thank you so much to everyone who replied to this. When I forst posted this I was ready to die. You talked me out of suicide when no one else was there for me.

you're welcome but you got to give yourself so much credit. you are the one who is fighting this battle. you are much stronger than you know

[WanderingHeart]

But without help from here I think I'd be dead (or almost dead) in about a week.
What do I do if even after talking 2 the counselor/therapist lady still nothing is done?

[SethfromMI]

But without help from here I think I'd be dead (or almost dead) in about a week.
What do I do if even after talking 2 the counselor/therapist lady still nothing is done?

you just need to keep on talking to your teachers or whatever till you have someone who will help you get the help you need

[WanderingHeart]

I will. I think if they kept neglecting the problem they'd get in trouble, anyway.

[SethfromMI]

I will. I think if they kept neglecting the problem they'd get in trouble, anyway.

there is someone at school who will help you get the help you need, if not go to a church. even if you are not a Christian, many churches will make sure to help you get some help

[WanderingHeart]

There's no way I could go to a chruch without my family knowing. I only leave the house for school or to visit family once in a while.

[Leprous]

o-o!

Thank you so much to everyone who replied to this. When I forst posted this I was ready to die. You talked me out of suicide when no one else was there for me.

I'm glad you're feeling better! Remember, if you ever need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to let me know, okay? We're all here for you and I really hope you'll be okay!

[WanderingHeart]

Thanks >w<.

[Luminous]

Cutting and Self Harm :arrow: Depression, Loss, and Grief

[xXoblivionXx]

it takes time. it really does. You get help from friends, counselors, therapists, medication, just about everything. I've been dealing with similar things for years now. it's hard, and as the days go by giving up seems more and more like the right option but it's not. You have to keep trying. We are here for you when you need the support. keep trying, keep fighting, stay strong :hug:

[WanderingHeart]

My family would never go 2 family therapy no matter what. Extended family included.

Complicated family -.-

But, anyway, I'm just going to see what happens. I decided not to do it for religious reasons and because I love my best friend too much to leave her.

[Nico11]

I don't know if in the US, getting help is forbidden taboo or something, but in India, getting mental help means being tagged as insane. As for your plans, it's good that you don't try to think about em' again. There is no use ending your life so soon. You're almost the most powerful creature mentally at 14. There are so much arenas opening up for you. Go out there and do what you like. Become friends with everyone. You're freshman, you don't have to worry too much about college now. Enjoy life. Lonesome behaviour will amplify your thoughts and let them take over you. You do need some serious socializing. Just VM me anytime you feel bad, we'll solve it together. Stay strong. :)

[Ciel09x]

No, there is more to life, don't it will get better just stay positive it will be hard but you know i used to feel sad that i would wanna give up but i never did i always pushed forwards, and i just ignore things i dont want to hear, words shouldn't hurt you, dont listen and just move on.

[WanderingHeart]

I guess I'll just have to see where things go.

[Mil1dreded]

Hey I'm really glad you held off on the suicide and I know it's tough but everyone on vt is here to help nothing is worth killing yourself you mean something to a lot of people and you never know your situation in ten years you could be rich and successful you never know so hang in there and keep on vt :)

[rex103]

I'm not really well versed on this stuff but I would hate to see a life be lost. I was reading through the thread and just the progress you've made since starting it is great! :D
Something I could recommend is finding a hobby or something you like to do and do it in your free time and have something to be happy about.

[WanderingHeart]

I truly aporeciate the idea about the hobbey but I'm honestly not allowed to do anything.
I can't even go out in my backyard.
I can't join any sports or anything (well I'm not a huge fan of them but you get my point) because I'm a girl >.>
There are a lot of things I can't do because I'm a girl. I live in the USA even.
It's not even a part of my religion, my parents are just sexist >__>.

I'm getting off topic...

I think I'm starting to slip back into going with my plans o,-o...

[WanderingHeart]

Huh, my plans were supposed to happen yesterday. I was supposed to be dead yesterday but I didn't do it...

[MrIncredible]

That's Fantastic actually it's AWESTRUCK!!!!!!!

[Torresft9]

You say you dont play sports or have any hobbies because you are a girl and live in the US but also because your parents wont let you.
Firstly i dont see the being a girl a problem to be able to play sports or find a hobby. Living in the US i dont know what to say because i dont live there.
with respect to your parents however, what is their problem with you picking up a hobby or a sport? (not trying to get you down, trying to get to the root of the problem) I really want to know because without sports i would not be who i am.

[WanderingHeart]

the problem is that gender. my parents believe girls should just stay at home n cook n clean, go to school/college, get a degree and get married.
I remember when I was I think 10, or 12..., I asked my mom to join a karate class or at least some kind of sport. She says no.
The very next day
she's asking my brother if he wants 2 join karate or some other sports.

[WanderingHeart]

in the USA girls are mostly equal to boys in rights but my parents dont care.

[rex103]

You said earlier that you've told your parents about your situation and they kind of ignored. Have you told them really how down you are feeling?
If you feel that you have reached out to get help and your parents have neglected that, even when you are considering suicide, I think you could call child protective services or 911 or something to get out of a bad situation at home.

[WanderingHeart]

But it's not like my parents are hitting me. They're just neglecting my issues even after being told by several doctors I need therapy.

[Mil1dreded]

Is there anyway you can get therapy without your parents consent or a way to bypass them and get therapy

[WanderingHeart]

There is no way, as I am underage.

My counselor wants to recommend therapy for me to my dad but she already tried it and it failed.
What my parents do is, whenever a doctor recommends therapy, my parents stop taking me to the doctor and say no therapy.

[rex103]

Have you told your parents that you were having thoughts of suicide?
Although it might be hard to do, it could convince them to help you out a bit.

[Torresft9]

I really can't understand how parents can neglect their child's feelings :what: like seriously.
DO you have any interests or hobbies?

[WanderingHeart]

I've told them, conselors have told them, doctors, and they refuse to do anything!

And I don't have many hobbies or interest as I have never had oppertunities to try things out :-/

I really like music but my dad banned me from it a few weeks ago.
It was really the only thing I loved and one of my only ways of coping.
He banned me from it because he said it's dumb and I'll regret listening to it in the future.
I don't know, honestly...

[Torresft9]

how does he ban you from music????

[WanderingHeart]

Ohmygod, I cannot believe this!

So I'm in 8th grade if you didn't know, and applying for a high school (just a normal high school). My dad's doing the application, then he calls me down to talk to me.
He said the high school is going to ask me about the 'trouble I've caused' (he's calling my depression and suicidal thoughts, etc all the stuff that happens, 'trouble I've caused')
He then tells me I have to tell them I was young and stupid and I'm not like that anymore, I'm not allowed to tell them anything about my depression or anything that's wrong with me.
He said if I do they won't accept me into the high school and no other school will accept me, then I will be forced to do online school. (And you know how much I hate being at home)

I just...why are they doing this to me o,--o??

[WanderingHeart]

He bans me from music by not letting me hear it.

[rex103]

The more you tell us the more abusive your parents seem. Like, not physical, but abusive in an ignorant neglecting way. There are people out there to help kids whos families are treating them badly.

[WanderingHeart]

If I say anything I'll get into huge trouble.

I think I'll try talking to my counselor tomorrow, I might not like it but she is the only adult I am able to talk with at the moment.

UGHH I can't take this!

[Ridonks_CB]

*..Now sorry for the long schpeel...I'm just going to be busy with school so I wanted to get a bit of a long statement done. *

Hey, I know it's extremly annoying, especially coming from me, the one always trying to aim high and be optimistic...But just please don't try to attempt to suicide habibti. Everything seems hopeless, though here's me telling you, along with many many others on this site and throughout the internet that have either went through similar or other problems, and if so many of them are still going strong and coping, then you're no exception. Life sucks, yes. We have our lucky shits who get the good run for no reason (the Kardashians), though if you look at them there are whiny assholes with no open-minds or broad perceptions on the world and others around them. Nobody enjoys struggles but we have to accept them, even if we don't want to, to better ourselves, and to earn more in the future. I'm sorry I can't do anything about the problems with your family physically; asking my parents to bring you over can only be helpful so many times. Though I am here to support you all the way through till we get wrinkly and our sixth hip replacements. You also have all these wonderful people here on this community. Stay strong my gorgeous little killjoy. I love you <3

[Torresft9]

You know for this entire post i dont think (at least i am not sure) what is the real problem you are having. You only said that you have been seeking help that has done nothing and your parents are ignoring you. Do you mind telling us what the problem is?

[WanderingHeart]

Thanks, CB. I really appreciate it.

The problem is...I don't know. Maybe it's me, just maybe. Or my friends that I can only see. I don't fucking know. Maybe it's the place I live in.
I'm just going to forget about it. I won't say anything about it anymore. I'll keep quiet.
Sorry guys.

[Ridonks_CB]

There's no reason you need to be sorry >.<

[WanderingHeart]

Well I mean I wasted everyone's time so that is a reason to be sorry.

[Torresft9]

You have not wasted anyone's time here. You are having a problem and you sought help. SO far it seems that others here have helped you as you canceled your plans.
I am sorry for flustering you and picking at the problem.

[WanderingHeart]

No, no. Don't apologize.

UGH I'm just confused as to what I'm supposed to do. Telling me to just stay strong doesn't exactly answer that either.
So, what AM I supposed to do? Right now all I plan on doing is telling my stupid counselor what happened with my dad in hopes she'll finally understand (I doubt she will).