Dating Someone Older

[kay_jay]

I've been dating this guy for about a month now and everything is going great but the problem is that he is a few years older than me and I haven't come out to my parents yet so we're now confused on what to do because we have to keep our relationship low key and he could get into serious trouble since he is over 18.

Your advice is greatly appreciated, thanks.

[Uranus]

How much older than 18 is he?

[kay_jay]

He's 23

[Uranus]

And you're how old?

[kay_jay]

And you're how old?

I'm 15

[queenofcontrariety]

I hate to be this person but.... at this point in your life this is not okay on SOOOOOOO many levels. He is 8 years older than you. He's probably in his last year of college and you're what? A freshman or sophmore in high school? I get it, you like him. But how did you meet him? I don't mean to seem rude or prude it's just that this doesn't seem like it's in either of your best interests

[Uranus]

I agree with Haley queenofcontrariety
On this. Not only is it bad, it's very inappropriate and risky, that a man his age is dating a kid 8 years younger. Honestly, he could be a pedophile, and if your friend/relationship goes beyond just dating, he could get in serious trouble. I suggest you look for people your own age. It being inappropriate is only half the issue. He's going to have to wait another 4-5 years before you and him could finally settle down, if you intend to be with him. He has a job, he's probably in college, he's got a lot of things on his mind and the last of them, should be dating a minor. Honestly it's kinda disgusting that he would date a minor, at this specific age gap.

[Abhorrence]

My friend dated a 20 year old dude when she was 14. She stayed with him until she was 16 which was only a few months ago. She had no issues. However, I don't encourage this. I didn't encourage her and I won't encourage you. It is legally wrong and honestly I agree with the law here.

[Selestine]

I have a friend who's boyfriend is older than her for I'm not sure how much but I guess, 6 years?? I can't help but to try and understand your situations. I mean love means no boundaries after all. But if you two really are in love for each other wouldn't you mind breaking away from him for a while? Why don't you just wait until you graduate and be with him then. If he really loves you then he'll wait for you. I am kind of encouraging your situation but I don't think it's the right and appropriate time to be with a guy much older than you yet. But if you'll continue your relationship now, that guy could be in serious trouble for dating a minor.

[jordanhardy]

I can't help but wonder why a 23 year old guy is interested in a 15 year old girl. What interests do you share? There can't be many. Plus if anything physical was to happen between you, he would be committing a number of criminal offences.

[SethfromMI]

I would not recommend you dating someone who is 23 when you are only 15. not at all

[Emerald Dream]

I know you may think of yourself as mature enough to be dating someone that much older, but there is a huge difference in actual maturity between a 23 year old and a 15 year old - both mentally and emotionally. The age difference isn't that much of a factor a few years down the line, but trust me....whether you realize it or not, you actually are still maturing as a person. I can pretty much guarantee you that you and a 23 year old guy have different ideas of what "love" actually means.

Not to mention what others have said above - there could be some serious consequences legally when a 15 year old girl and a 23 year old guy have a physical relationship.

[DoodleSnap]

I know you may think of yourself as mature enough to be dating someone that much older, but there is a huge difference in actual maturity between a 23 year old and a 15 year old - both mentally and emotionally. The age difference isn't that much of a factor a few years down the line, but trust me....whether you realize it or not, you actually are still maturing as a person. I can pretty much guarantee you that you and a 23 year old guy have different ideas of what "love" actually means.

Not to mention what others have said above - there could be some serious consequences legally when a 15 year old girl and a 23 year old guy have a physical relationship.
As stated above (very eloquently, might I add), many people, including myself, will struggle to take into account the 1st person perception of maturity versus time experience. I understand that some 15 year-olds may be very mature, but it is a rare occurrence for them to have fully matured both mentally and physically. I understand that you may be miffed at the prospect, but I would recommend following the law here, as an 8 year age gap means a huge amount when one of the parties involved is under 18.

On another note, don't feel tied to anyone because you feel like they are the only person you can feel comfortable sharing your sexuality with; as there are many other people and plenty of other chances to find those who would be up for dating someone of the same gender. I'm sure there are other people your age, and if you don't meet them: don't worry. You are still young, and have plenty of time to move forward and experience new things in life. Most of all, just make sure that you are safe, and following on, I don't think that the age gap depicted is appropriate. Good luck.

[Wafflenado]

I agree with a lot of what people are saying. A 15 year old dating a 23 year old is not a very responsible decision. I'm not going to call it outright wrong because I'm not in a position to judge you, but there is something fishy about a 23 year old man wanting to be in a "relationship" with a 15 year old, no offense to you. I'll be honest, I'm not going to get into specifics, but I've talked to guys older than me before, and after the fact, it's only ever for physical reasons. Is there a chance this guy is actually interested in you and wants a real relationship? yes, not every guy is that shallow. However, is it a good idea to deny the possibility of him being like that and risking the very long list of consequences that comes from a minor being in a relationship with an adult that probably won't last past a few months? Personally, I don't think so.

[NickTheStar]

That's weird as the fuck. Your still in puberty. R

[Axel_]

The problem is the maturity. He's a full grown man and you're in the middle of puberty. This can be both illegal and morally void for the 23 y/o.

[Uniquemind]

Give the relationship a chance if he's willing to wait 4-5 years until you are legally 18, or perhaps in your 20's to ensure full mental and brain development.


I agree with all the posted advice from those before me though.

Avoid all sexual acts with him, and if he is pressuring you for sex acts (even if you want to back) IT is a huge red flag and you need to heed the advice of those posters who came before me.

----

I've seen both outcomes of situations like this both nasty and sweet.

In the sweet situation the guy waited and poured all his efforts into his higher education and career, and so by the time his girlfriend was 18-20's age range he had a nice solid life to offer her near good schools they could send their children too.

---

The other situation is well entangled in court battles, money and poverty problems plague the poor girl because her parents disowned her at 18 as fast as they legally could, she's stuck in a retail job.

She also only in hindsight understands she was probably sexually abused and used by the boyfriend, who is now in prison on an unrelated matter as there were things from his backround she didn't fully know about him.

[becky123]

I think it's perfectly fine to date someone older as long as you are happy. I'm 15 and was once in a sexual relationship with a 21 year old guy. Don't let anyone judge you just be happy.

[SethfromMI]

I think it's perfectly fine to date someone older as long as you are happy. I'm 15 and was once in a sexual relationship with a 21 year old guy. Don't let anyone judge you just be happy.

they could go to jail though. is your happiness worth him being on some sex offenders list the rest of his life?

[jessie3]

As a guy who has dated men way over the age of 23 ( All the way up to 65 ) i say that it is fine for you to date someone older as long as you know how to handle it. From what i experienced some older men like younger guy's simply because they like the feeling of having sex with one and others like it because they find it kinda interesting and almost like taboo-ish if that makes since.

My advise is to take it slow and don't rush into thing's as it could turn out very bad not only for him but for you too. If he wants to have sex with you i suggest you think it over first and then decide whether or not it's a good idea.

I hope everything goes well for you and him. PM me if you ever have more questions to ask.