My Father

[rachel_ballet]

My father and I are not getting along at all now!
I know he's not happy that I'm dating a guy that is a lot older than me. I've told him that he treats me great and have even offered to arrange for my father to meet him and he doesn't want to. He always makes comments that I spend way too much time with my BF and my friends and not enough time at home. I am an only child, and my father and I used to get along great. Up until recently I had always been "daddy's little girl"!
I am home schooled by my aunt that lives with us, and he's always making comments that I am way too far behind in my home schooling because I spend too much time with my BF. In reality, I am not behind at all. And my aunt always tells him that I am doing great and I am on schedule with my curriculum that I am supposed to be following.
The other day, he told me that he was strongly thinking about taking me out of my Ballet Class. Tuitions just went up to $125 a month. He says he can't afford it. told him that my BF would help pay the tuition because he knows how much I love my ballet class. My father won't go for that, and it sucks because my parents have to sign for me to take Ballet!
My father also said that he is having me go back to public school this fall.
I know he's going through a lot of stress and not only is it my mother, father, my aunt (the one that does my home schooling) but also my other aunt and her two children (my cousins) are all living in our house now. Both aunts are my father's sisters. The one that teaches me has no job, except as my teacher and the other aunt has no job, yet and was left with pretty much nothing after a bad divorce. But the fact that my father would not let my BF cover at least half of my tuition for Ballet makes no sense. My BF even said that he would cover as much as $80 of it, plus the cost of shoes, and other stuff.
If he doesn't want me seeing my BF anymore, why doesn't he just come out and say so instead of punishing me like this?
Luckily my mother and I getting along great, and have even become closer throughout all of this. She tries to take my side, but my father will not listen to her!
Nothing will change his mind!
I was even thinking about lying to him and telling him that I broke up with my BF just to see if he settles down a bit!

[Vermilion]

It's great that your bf is trying to help and meet your family. You dad is like you said stressed, so his taking it out on you. It's probably empty threats.just relax if you want tell your dad you broke up his him but he'll be annoyed and upset when he finds out you lied to him.

[tasminsmith]

I feel sorry for you that seems bad, how come ballet costs so much? I think your father is being unfair because of your boyfriend, but how much older is he?

[Leprous]

rachel_ballet Alright, I'm gonna say something you probably won't agree on but I'm gonna have to tell you anyway. You're 13. As far as I'm aware 13 year olds shouldn't be away from home all the time. I think your dad is just worried about the fact he barely sees you.

It also depends on how much older your boyfriend is, which I am actually interested in. Because a 13 year old girl shouldn't date an 18 year old guy. I'm not saying that's true, but yeah. It does make sense your father doesn't want anyone else to pay, chances are pretty big he doesn't like your bf because he's older. I'm not sure if lying will actually help you out.

[rachel_ballet]

My BF (now my ex BF) is older than 18!
But I guess none of that matters anymore!
My father let loose the other night and demanded that I break up with him, and if I didn't, he was gonna call the police on him!
So, I hated to do it, but my BF and I are now broke up!
I'm miserable! He's miserable!
But I'm home with my 2 aunts and 2 bratty kids, and I'll be home when my father comes home after work!
So, everyone, except me, should be very happy!
And if they cancel my ballet classes, whatever! I really don't care right now!! :(

[fairmaiden]

I understand that you think your boyfriend is helpful and kind, and he most likely is, however your relationship with him is illegal. You are a 13 year old girl and he is an 18+ year old man. If he is really a good person, he will wait until you're at least 5 years older. You may think that your dad is being mean but he has a point. Quite alot of 13 year olds don't even have boyfriends/girlfriends, let alone adult partners.

It is inappropriate for a young girl to date a man. I'm concerned as to why he allowed the relationship to happen seeing as he could get into trouble for it. You should spend your time with other girls/boys your age rather than an adult. It's not healthy, and I really hope you find someone your age who you can be around.

[SethfromMI]

I understand that you think your boyfriend is helpful and kind, and he most likely is, however your relationship with him is illegal. You are a 13 year old girl and he is an 18+ year old man. If he is really a good person, he will wait until you're at least 5 years older. You may think that your dad is being mean but he has a point. Quite alot of 13 year olds don't even have boyfriends/girlfriends, let alone adult partners.

It is inappropriate for a young girl to date a man. I'm concerned as to why he allowed the relationship to happen seeing as he could get into trouble for it. You should spend your time with other girls/boys your age rather than an adult. It's not healthy, and I really hope you find someone your age who you can be around.

this. if I was the father, I would have problems with it too. I did not even realize the age difference was that massive the first time I posted

[Uranus]

I can understand how you feel about this. But consider this. Even if he does love you, and cares for you, and treats you like a queen, it's very inappropriate for you to be dating him.

1. He is a 100% legit adult. You are just starting your teen years.

2. This would look very bad on his side. He will look like a pedophile and a child molester because he's dating a girl who's barely a teenager.

3. He's probably just starting college. Meaning he won't be able to be there for you like he would be used to. College will take up so much more time. And he might have to go to a college that's far away. He will have college, work, and many other things that will take up so much of his time.

4. The age gap is a really major issue. In 2 years from now he will be 20 and you 15. It will still look inappropriate for years. The only time it will start looking appropriate, is when he's 24 and you're 19. Which is 6 years from now.

5. It will be very difficult to maintain a strong relationship between the two of you. He's an adult and you're a kid. Different interests, ECT.

I could go on but, honestly, this is not healthy and its very risky. If anyone caught the two of you, even kissing, he could get in trouble.

I suggest you look for someone around your own age. Ranging from 14-15.

[dpriest]

Love is a crazy thing, however more than a couple of years in age is not a good thing. It is hard to have a lot in common, unless it is primary sex based. (Even if it's not full sex) my stepdad would have had my ass in a sling if i tried to pull that off, i tried my freshman year to date a senior, both mom and stepdad put an end to that. I was pissed for a while, but come to find out, he was an asshole. I didn't see it at the time, but I'm glad now that they were watching out for me.

[Leprous]

My BF (now my ex BF) is older than 18!
But I guess none of that matters anymore!
My father let loose the other night and demanded that I break up with him, and if I didn't, he was gonna call the police on him!
So, I hated to do it, but my BF and I are now broke up!
I'm miserable! He's miserable!
But I'm home with my 2 aunts and 2 bratty kids, and I'll be home when my father comes home after work!
So, everyone, except me, should be very happy!
And if they cancel my ballet classes, whatever! I really don't care right now!! :(

That age gap is just way too big to be honest. I think you don't realise this, but he's an adult, a MAN. As other people said, look for someone about your age. You're barely a teenager while he 18. Your father threatened to call the police, which I understand completely. Here in Belgium, if someone his age has sex with someone your age, even if both parties wanted it, he would be arrested and charged for rape.

[Uniquemind]

I understand that you think your boyfriend is helpful and kind, and he most likely is, however your relationship with him is illegal. You are a 13 year old girl and he is an 18+ year old man. If he is really a good person, he will wait until you're at least 5 years older. You may think that your dad is being mean but he has a point. Quite alot of 13 year olds don't even have boyfriends/girlfriends, let alone adult partners.

It is inappropriate for a young girl to date a man. I'm concerned as to why he allowed the relationship to happen seeing as he could get into trouble for it. You should spend your time with other girls/boys your age rather than an adult. It's not healthy, and I really hope you find someone your age who you can be around.

Just a SIDENOTE thought and question.

On a technicality dating (meaning spending time with one on one) even with an age gap like that isn't illegal.


It only becomes illegal if sex acts enter the picture.


Or am I mistaken?

[fairmaiden]

Just a SIDENOTE thought and question.

On a technicality dating (meaning spending time with one on one) even with an age gap like that isn't illegal.


It only becomes illegal if sex acts enter the picture.


Or am I mistaken?
It's still inappropriate and predatory.

[Uniquemind]

That age gap is just way too big to be honest. I think you don't realise this, but he's an adult, a MAN. As other people said, look for someone about your age. You're barely a teenager while he 18. Your father threatened to call the police, which I understand completely. Here in Belgium, if someone his age has sex with someone your age, even if both parties wanted it, he would be arrested and charged for rape.

The law works the same way in the USA and UK according to what I just researched now.

The only developed country that has age of consent at 13 is Japan. But even then I don't know if Japanese law allows this age gap.

If it does....crazy...just crazy.

[Uniquemind]

It's still inappropriate and predatory.

Generally I agree with that.

It is highly suspect yes.


But because I know of a few couples (in some cases I'm talking about extended family here) where the guy actually waited and stuck around, I can't completely slam this. In the cases I know of where it was a happy ending the guy used the "waiting time" to really focus on developing himself education wise and career wise and he had a solid life to offer his what would be future wife.


On the flip side all dates were supervised and they could not occur outside of the home, and my grandpa made sure of that.

Now contrast that to close in age couples whom neither have solid feet planted in the midst of a greatest economic recession where entry level jobs are scare who are probably under college loans which you can't file bankruptcy on, the debt sticks to you forever until it is paid off.....unstable relationship problems there too and perhaps $ arguments. The only real benefit is perhaps laws on sexuality aren't a problem, and maybe common interests are closer but the latter isn't even a sure thing.


Isn't it a stereotype that young people want to be free and party all the time instead of invested in a more stable and potentially meaningful life?

My point is situations are diverse and not cookie cutter, the details tend to point out which direction any situation is headed.

[fairmaiden]

Generally I agree with that.

It is highly suspect yes.


But because I know of a few couples (in some cases I'm talking about extended family here) where the guy actually waited and stuck around, I can't completely slam this. In the cases I know of where it was a happy ending the guy used the "waiting time" to really focus on developing himself education wise and career wise and he had a solid life to offer his what would be future wife.


On the flip side all dates were supervised and they could not occur outside of the home, and my grandpa made sure of that.

Now contrast that to close in age couples whom neither have solid feet planted in the midst of a greatest economic recession where entry level jobs are scare who are probably under college loans which you can't file bankruptcy on, the debt sticks to you forever until it is paid off.....unstable relationship problems there too and perhaps $ arguments. The only real benefit is perhaps laws on sexuality aren't a problem, and maybe common interests are closer but the latter isn't even a sure thing.


Isn't it a stereotype that young people want to be free and party all the time instead of invested in a more stable and potentially meaningful life?

My point is situations are diverse and not cookie cutter, the details tend to point out which direction any situation is headed.

You are a 13 year old girl and he is an 18+ year old man. If he is really a good person, he will wait until you're at least 5 years older..
I did say that if he's a good person he'll wait. I don't feel it is appropriate for a 13 year old to date a man aged 18+. It is predatory as no-one knows the man's intentions (which are usually bad intentions seeing as he is an adult and should know better). And this doesn't really relate to his economical standing; he is a man and she is a child. Even if he's a millionaire; it's still wrong and inappropriate.

[Uniquemind]

I did say that if he's a good person he'll wait. I don't feel it is appropriate for a 13 year old to date a man aged 18+. It is predatory as no-one knows the man's intentions (which are usually bad intentions seeing as he is an adult and should know better). And this doesn't really relate to his economical standing; he is a man and she is a child. Even if he's a millionaire; it's still wrong and inappropriate.

True you did say that. And I agree.


But age gap relationships like this bring up some interesting discussions.

Some famous couple, authors, presidents, celebrities have had age gaps where they met or noticed their partners in their early teens.

So it's possible.

It's just one of those realms where extreme caution is advised.

Emphasis on extreme...

[fairmaiden]

True you did say that. And I agree.


But age gap relationships like this bring up some interesting discussions.

Some famous couple, authors, presidents, celebrities have had age gaps where they met or noticed their partners in their early teens.

So it's possible.

It's just one of those realms where extreme caution is advised.

Emphasis on extreme...
''Noticing'' is quite different to dating; and even then, I'm concerned that there are adults out there who are ''noticing'' children in that way.
After the age of 16/17/18, sure, go ahead, but at the moment she is a 13 year old girl and it isn't right for her to be dating a 18 (or even older) year old. What concerns me more is that she has said that hes 18+ and hasn't specifically stated his age, so for all we know he could be a 30 year old man.

[Uniquemind]

''Noticing'' is quite different to dating; and even then, I'm concerned that there are adults out there who are ''noticing'' children in that way.
After the age of 16/17/18, sure, go ahead, but at the moment she is a 13 year old girl and it isn't right for her to be dating a 18 (or even older) year old. What concerns me more is that she has said that hes 18+ and hasn't specifically stated his age, so for all we know he could be a 30 year old man.


Well 60-80ish years ago they called it "courting".

I thought I read either here or another post she made where she stated he was 23.

She also said the man was willing to meet her dad too, which is actually pretty proper and bold.

Backround checks would be necessary.

----

What bugs me more about relationships like this is the fetishized objectification premise behind it and we all sense that.

But like I'm also disturbed by the concept that the solution is "find a guy your age" because that seems to imply a boy closer to your age is less likely to screw you over which isn't true at all.

[fairmaiden]

Well 60-80ish years ago they called it "courting".

I thought I read either here or another post she made where she stated he was 23.

She also said the man was willing to meet her dad too, which is actually pretty proper and bold.

Backround checks would be necessary.
60-80ish years ago women were treated like dirt and equal rights were practically non-existent. Just because it happened back then doesn't make it right now.

I'm sorry, but I refuse to even entertain the thought that its ok for a 23 year old man to date a 13 year old girl. Even if he is willing to meet the father; it's wrong. One is a man, the other is a child. She might not have even finished middle school yet, while he could have finished college/university by now. If he really likes her, why can't he wait 4 or 5 years?

[NickTheStar]

Do you honestly not see what's wrong with a eighteen year old dating you? I assume you've had intercourse as you posted about your condoms in your purse. If a eighteen year old is trying to hook up with someone who's body has little to no development then he is off in the head bad. No normal man dates a thirteen year old. I'm sixteen and won't even date or talk to fourteen year olds. He is a creep no matter how you see it. Another thing is this is statutory rape. That's a felony. Not to mention he would be registered as a sex offender. Your dad has every right to protect you from this weirdo. You should be lucky your dad didn't haul off and mess up this creep. If someone came at one of my little cousins I'm catching a body. A daughter takes it to a whole different level. Thank your dad cause he prolly just prevented a lot of problems. Your not a adult no matter how you look at it. Dont matter how you try to defend the creep. He is still a sicko who took advantage of a thirteen year old. Let this be a wake up call. Your family loves you. They wouldn't try to harm u.

[Uniquemind]

60-80ish years ago women were treated like dirt and equal rights were practically non-existent. Just because it happened back then doesn't make it right now.

I'm sorry, but I refuse to even entertain the thought that its ok for a 23 year old man to date a 13 year old girl. Even if he is willing to meet the father; it's wrong. One is a man, the other is a child. She might not have even finished middle school yet, while he could have finished college/university by now. If he really likes her, why can't he wait 4 or 5 years?

We aren't in disagreement that he should wait.

He should wait 4-5 years and see if she's still interested period.

---

But as for women's rights we're still fighting for them because it's not equal yet.

60-80 years ago the problem of "courting" and it's abuses stem from that being the only avenue to rise for women by "marrying up" into wealth and status, but nowadays that's not the only avenue so no woman is forced into this and may pursue the career and staying single at HER own choice which is what feminism is all about empowering the individual.

Also remember back then anything sexual before marriage was HIGHLY frowned upon so "courting" had strict rules.

Anyway I'm done talking about this social and political issues needs it's own thread and we can converse more there.

[Luminous]

This conversation has worn itself out, let's go back on topic please.

[WanderingHeart]

Okay, back on topic.

You're 13.
Dafuq are you doing with some guy that's like 23 (from what you guys said).
Really? I'm 14, so around your age, don't think I'm some older kid telling you off.
But honestly, get some common sense. If you love him so much then stay away from him, he could get into big trouble.
And the fact that he's 23 and dating you, a 13 year old pisses me off. He knows that is illegal and still continues to do it. It'd probably best to distance yourself from him before something worse happens.

[Ridonks_CB]

Okay, as with everyone else, I agree with what they are saying about this being completely wrong...Your father has every right to condemn this relationship, especially when you are still only thirteen years old. Though my concern is why your mother is backing you up on this issue...

[badpig316]

Hopefully he will come around. Its hard when you don't get along with a parent I know that feeling all to well. Hope everything turns out well.