not another thread by me.

[Professional Russian]

Anyways. I'm having a really hard time right. This depression keeps getting worse and worse and I don't know what to do. Its not even the girl anymore. This is turning into more worrying about myself. I've broken down too much recently. The most recent being yesterday where I found that I may get reported for some things and may not be around here much longer. I'm really starting to worry about this. I really truly am. Its really getting to me. And I just can't take it much longer. I don't know what to do. I need help but I don't want to ask for it because every time I do something bad happens. This is just the wrong time for me to be like this. When I was alone with no one around all the time this wouldn't have been a problem. But now with the girl it makes things a lot harder for me. Because I know if something bad happens to me She'll loose it next and I'm trying to help her not make her worse. I just don't know what to make of all this. There's something wrong with my head and I don't know what to do about it. I want to get help but I fear if I do I'll end up in the insane asylum. And I really don't want to go there. I just want to be happy again that's all I want. If anybody can help that would be great.

[SethfromMI]

have you thought about seeing a professional who may be able to help you?

[Professional Russian]

have you thought about seeing a professional who may be able to help you?

Yeah....then I thought a little more and they'd probably end up throwing me in a mental hospital because I'm so fucked up

[SethfromMI]

Yeah....then I thought a little more and they'd probably end up throwing me in a mental hospital because I'm so fucked up

unless they thought you were in serious danger of hurting yourself, it is highly unlikely they would even bring that up. but either way, if you have depression, you need help treating it

[Professional Russian]

unless they thought you were in serious danger of hurting yourself, it is highly unlikely they would even bring that up. but either way, if you have depression, you need help treating it

Does wanting to die in the worst way count as serious danger to hurting myself?

[SethfromMI]

Does wanting to die in the worst way count as serious danger to hurting myself?

usually they consider it a serious threat if you have a plan to do it. but either way man, you really need to see someone who can help you, a professional

[Professional Russian]

usually they consider it a serious threat if you have a plan to do it. but either way man, you really need to see someone who can help you, a professional

I don't have a plan because I know I can't kill myself. I'm not lucky enough to have enough balls to put myself out of this pain. I want to see one. I want this to be over with. For the last 3 years this is all ive dealt with. And its really starting to show. Putting on that fake smile keeps getting harder and harder. Im just loosing it. And being ignored by my best friend isn't helping but she's in the same boat I am. I just can't take it anymore. I want it to be over with. I don't even know where to start to get help.

[SethfromMI]

I don't have a plan because I know I can't kill myself. I'm not lucky enough to have enough balls to put myself out of this pain. I want to see one. I want this to be over with. For the last 3 years this is all ive dealt with. And its really starting to show. Putting on that fake smile keeps getting harder and harder. Im just loosing it. And being ignored by my best friend isn't helping but she's in the same boat I am. I just can't take it anymore. I want it to be over with. I don't even know where to start to get help.

well depending how old you are/where you are, you may need your parent to make an appointment for you. if you are still in school, they got resources of where you can go. look up local counselors and stuff online

[Professional Russian]

well depending how old you are/where you are, you may need your parent to make an appointment for you. if you are still in school, they got resources of where you can go. look up local counselors and stuff online

I already kind of talked about it with my social worker at school made him promise not to turn me into anyone for what I said. I just need some way of making me feel better. The days keep dragging on longer and longer. The pain gets more and more painful as time goes on. I just don't know what to do

[SethfromMI]

I already kind of talked about it with my social worker at school made him promise not to turn me into anyone for what I said. I just need some way of making me feel better. The days keep dragging on longer and longer. The pain gets more and more painful as time goes on. I just don't know what to do

I am trying to tell you, you need to see a professional who is trained in helping people in your situation

[Professional Russian]

I am trying to tell you, you need to see a professional who is trained in helping people in your situation

I know. I just don't know how to get to that....without my parents knowing preferably. My dads convinced depression is just an excuse to get attention and be lazy and my mom.thinks I'm the happiest person alive

[SethfromMI]

I know. I just don't know how to get to that....without my parents knowing preferably. My dads convinced depression is just an excuse to get attention and be lazy and my mom.thinks I'm the happiest person alive

well gently explain to your mother you need help. or have the social worker at school help you explain it to her.

[Professional Russian]

well gently explain to your mother you need help. or have the social worker at school help you explain it to her.

There's no way at all to bypass my parents in all this? I really don't need them involved...

[SethfromMI]

There's no way at all to bypass my parents in all this? I really don't need them involved...

I guess you could ask your social worker but if you are here in America I am not exactly sure what your options would be as far as not telling your parents

[Professional Russian]

I guess you could ask your social worker but if you are here in America I am not exactly sure what your options would be as far as not telling your parents

I'm here in good old murica....maybe I can drag it out for 3 more months till I turn 18....

[SethfromMI]

I'm here in good old murica....maybe I can drag it out for 3 more months till I turn 18....

still if you need help you need to get it sooner rather than later

[Professional Russian]

still if you need help you need to get it sooner rather than later

I know. I'm going to talk to my social worker about it tomorrow. Just a little off topic but remember how in my other thread in relationships I was worried about that girl and how not talking to her got me down? Could that have possibly been a mask to try to explain the depression that I have no explanation for now? Because I made her the happiest girl in the world but I still feel down like this although I should be happy

[SethfromMI]

I know. I'm going to talk to my social worker about it tomorrow. Just a little off topic but remember how in my other thread in relationships I was worried about that girl and how not talking to her got me down? Could that have possibly been a mask to try to explain the depression that I have no explanation for now? Because I made her the happiest girl in the world but I still feel down like this although I should be happy

it very possibly could be. and good for you about deciding to talk to your social worker. like I said, get help sooner rather than later

[Professional Russian]

it very possibly could be. and good for you about deciding to talk to your social worker. like I said, get help sooner rather than later

Well it will work out as long as my parents don't get involved. I'm leaving everyone out this one. I've put all my problems on people in.my life but I'm finding.out its not them.anymore.

[SethfromMI]

Well it will work out as long as my parents don't get involved. I'm leaving everyone out this one. I've put all my problems on people in.my life but I'm finding.out its not them.anymore.

all Im saying is because you are not 18 yet they may have to know, but you will know more tomorrow

[Professional Russian]

Now that its the day I feel fine. I don't know what's wrong. I'm depressed as fuck at night remembering all the wrong I've done and now even thinking about it I'm still happy. I don't see what the hells wrong with my mind

[Vermilion]

:yeah:You think more at night that's probably why you feel that way at night. After sleep you tend to see things more clearly. I'd say nothing really wrong but you seem to have depression. If you get help it will get better over time

[Professional Russian]

:yeah:You think more at night that's probably why you feel that way at night. After sleep you tend to see things more clearly. I'd say nothing really wrong but you seem to have depression. If you get help it will get better over time

Well shit I'm thinking now....and I'm not happy with what I'm thinking about. I was happy today till I read something and now I'm just back down in this hole again. And j really hate it here.

[Vermilion]

I know the feeling, I can be happy then a small thing can change everything. As much as you might not want to, I fine antidepressants work quite well there not a quick fix but over time they do. I think you should talk to a counsellor if you can.

[Professional Russian]

I know the feeling, I can be happy then a small thing can change everything. As much as you might not want to, I fine antidepressants work quite well there not a quick fix but over time they do. I think you should talk to a counsellor if you can.

I have. 3 times this week I talked to him. And nothing has happened.

[Vermilion]

It takes time it doesn't just go. Meds might help you to.

[Professional Russian]

It takes time it doesn't just go. Meds might help you to.

Thats something I'd rather not do. I don't like bringing much attention to my problem and those would probably bring alot

[Vermilion]

No one knew I was depressed for month's expect one girl that is one of my best friend's. So when I told my parents I needed help they were shocked to say the least. I'm on 20g citalopram I have been for a couple of weeks no one knows or could tell if I hadn't told them I was. The only difference people can see is that I'm happier at times. No one can tell I'm on meds it's not like I'm a zombie or really happy for no reason.

[Professional Russian]

No one knew I was depressed for month's expect one girl that is one of my best friend's. So when I told my parents I needed help they were shocked to say the least. I'm on 20g citalopram I have been for a couple of weeks no one knows or could tell if I hadn't told them I was. The only difference people can see is that I'm happier at times. No one can tell I'm on meds it's not like I'm a zombie or really happy for no reason.

I still don't like it. I feel like I could be happy again. There was a time not so long ago I was and my world came crashing down just in the past 2 weeks again. Sure I've been "depressed" for somewhere around 3 years. But I had a straight month of happiness and then everything went to hell again

[Vermilion]

I hate the idea I'm on them that I can't control my own mind, but it helps so I put up with taking them.
Everyone has ups and downs, I'm not saying to the degree your going though. What's different between the time you were happy and know? What
Happened?

[Professional Russian]

I hate the idea I'm on them that I can't control my own mind, but it helps so I put up with taking them.
Everyone has ups and downs, I'm not saying to the degree your going though. What's different between the time you were happy and know? What
Happened?

I was happy because me and this girl I know really well and I really like and really care about were seeing each other everyday and talking everyday then transfered over to text till 9:30 every night.then her bf broke up with her because she wouldn't have sex with him. I tried and tried and tried to talk to her about it she wouldn't say anything. Then on night when we went bowling I was assigned by her dad to watch over her while she went to their car. When we got in that she broke down and cried into me for hours. Ever since then we've slowly drifted apart to where we don't talk. I texted her 3 times everyday with no responses. I thought that pissed her off so I sent her a care package of banana popsickles and chocolate 2 of her most favorite things. I saw her wendsday. She seemed so much happier so I texted her the next day about our set up for prom. No response. Not worried because I know she's safe I'm depressed because the bond between us was so strong and after that breakup it went down hill and I don't want to let go of this girl. She's the best thing that ever happened to me and I care about her so much and she's all I think about and that's why I'm like this

[Vermilion]

It's sad to hear that you two have drifted apart. I don't know what else to say. You've tried a lot to talk to her but she's not responding. Have you tried talking to her in person or her parents ?. I'm not saying that you should but at times it easier to let go off the one's we care about the most, that way we don't get hurt anymore. Keep trying to speak to her but don't bug her. You were there for her when she was down remind her of that. I'm sure she'll repay the favour/ won't forget it.

[Professional Russian]

It's sad to hear that you two have drifted apart. I don't know what else to say. You've tried a lot to talk to her but she's not responding. Have you tried talking to her in person or her parents ?. I'm not saying that you should but at times it easier to let go off the one's we care about the most, that way we don't get hurt anymore. Keep trying to speak to her but don't bug her. You were there for her when she was down remind her of that. I'm sure she'll repay the favour/ won't forget it.

I guess you don't visit my diary very often. Her dads my my dads best friend and he's also my boss. I see him everyday about 3 times a day. Me and him talk about her all the time to make sure she's OK and we'll he tells me some other things so I don't fuck up what we had. We talked about what happened that night and she hated that I was there. She hates people seeing her like that and feeling bad for her. So while I thought I was doing the right thing she hated every moment of it. And she's always been there for me. and the thing keels giving me hope was about a week ago in the middle of her not talking to me I broke down and went straight to her. She's always there and I asked her if she'd miss me if I was gone (because I wanted to die that night. Everything came crashing down at once and I was ready to die) and in less than 30 seconds of reading she said that it shouldn't even be a question if shed miss me. So that keeps giving me hope for it.

[Vermilion]

now I understand it better, everyone needs a bit of space so I think that's what she wants. She cares for you so I wouldn't worry that much, you mean a lot to her. She mite not want to see you as you remind her of how she broke down. I think it's just time she needs

[Professional Russian]

That's I understand it better known, everyone needs a bit of space so I think that's what she wants. She cares for you so I wouldn't worry that much, you mean a lot to her. She mite not want to see you as you remind her of how she broke down. I think it's just time she needs

It makes sense but with time I'll worry and worry and worry about her never coming back. And this girl is the closest I've had to a real relationship. I wanted her to be my first real one. But I've fucked up a lot during these 3 months with her. I come off sounding like an asshole half the time. I can't tell her a lot of stuff to her face. When I do text her its in paragraphs. And the time she needs she may never get because I get her from school all the time. Its really complicated set up. Her parents never thought me and her would end up as close as we did.

[Vermilion]

Why can't you tell her stuff to her face ? You don't feel comfortable doing so ?

[Professional Russian]

Why can't you tell her stuff to her face ? You don't feel comfortable doing so ?

I'm not good at telling people how much they mean toe to their face. Its very hard for me. It took along to time to be able to tell her I love her. Its just real weird. Like I'll sit down and think about and be like I'm going to say this this and this. Then she gets in my truck and everything I wanted tell goes out the window because I can't say it

[Vermilion]

I know what's that like I can think the world of you but not say it in person. I could say it in a text if I have the balls at the time. I fail at relationship with saying how I feel to the person.

[Professional Russian]

I know what's that like I can think the world of you but not say it in person. I could say it in a text if I have the balls at the time. I fail at relationship with saying how I feel to the person.

Exactly. I've told her though. Through text and I even wrote it in a note on a box of popsickles. She knows it. And when I told her I loved her right after it I said it was awkward and she said not really so I think she took it pretty well

[Vermilion]

I think she did by the sound of things. I think you need to relax a bit, I'm sure things will work out.

[Professional Russian]

I think she did by the sound of things. I think you need to relax a bit, I'm sure things will work out.

I hope they do but being the clingy, overly careing, depressed person I am I worry. Her own dad has told me things will work out. She told me everything will be OK. But I just worry. And think the clingyness is what may push her away if anything. I've tried to stop but I can't. Shes just so special to me. She means the world to me. I wouldn't trade her for any amount of money or sex. She's done something to me and I don't what it is. But something she did makes me want to always be with her. She's changed my life forever and I really appreciate that she was able to that. Actually I really respect that she was able to do that. It's hard to change me. And she managed to do it. How I couldn't tell you but she does. and I don't want her to go away just fade away to a ghost like so many others have.

[Vermilion]

I know the feeling a lot there this one friend of my, she means the world to me we've only been friends 3 years but I can tell her anything and couldn't stand losing her. I don't see her months on end cos we go different college's but we speak most weeks. I worry what would happen if I lost contact with her and I think I would break down.

[Professional Russian]

I know the feeling a lot there this one friend of my, she means the world to me we've only been friends 3 years but I can tell her anything and couldn't stand losing her. I don't see her months on end cos we go different college's but we speak most weeks. I worry what would happen if I lost contact with her and I think I would break down.

I've broken down just thinking about loosing this girl. We've gotten such a bond over our problems that there's no one as close to me as her. We're the same exact person mentally. Its real weird.

[Vermilion]

Off top it a bit but what do you do for work I saw you saying about welding rods ? Well I think it's about welding seeing you said ac and dc

[Professional Russian]

Off top it a bit but what do you do for work I saw you saying about welding rods ? Well I think it's about welding seeing you said ac and dc

I'm a welder. Her dad works for a gas line and got me in as a welders helper. Making shit tons of money sitting on my ass

[Vermilion]

I get that me and my friend both put on a happy face and hold everyone together even know we're falling apart ourself.

[Professional Russian]

I get that me and my friend both put on a happy face and hold everyone together even know we're falling apart ourself.

She'll purposely put on a smile just to make me happy and pisses me off. I don't want to see her trying to be happy when she's not.

[Vermilion]

Cool and nice, I do carpentry at college but u need an apprenticeship so I can start earning.

[Vermilion]

I bet you can be happy then when talking to her if she's down your mood changes

[Professional Russian]

Cool and nice, I do carpentry at college but u need an apprenticeship so I can start earning.

I don't need an apprenticeship I just needed a new job and went to him to set up for the future


So I just talked her dad and he said he has no idea why she's ignoreing me though. I told him everything I did and he said there was nothing wrong with what I did except the excessive clingyness but said he's happy that I was there for her the whole time. He's going to try to find out when he takes her home and come back and tell me.

I bet you can be happy then when talking to her if she's down your mood changes
Wait wut

[Vermilion]

This is going to make we look thick as fuck. But I don't know what wut means ?

[Professional Russian]

This is going to make we look thick as fuck. But I don't know what wut means ?

Wut is what

[Vermilion]

I thought it was, thanks what I was saying I bet when you talk to her if she's down it makes you feel like shit even know it's nothing to do with you.

[Professional Russian]

I thought it was, thanks what I was saying I bet when you talk to her if she's down it makes you feel like shit even know it's nothing to do with you.

Actually it does. And I've been told that I shouldn't let her mood influence mine but it still does. I try to make her happy though

[Vermilion]

My friend's mood influenced my mood so much I message my ex saying i missed her and wanted her back . Not my best moment

[Professional Russian]

My friend's mood influenced my mood so much I message my ex saying i missed her and wanted her back . Not my best moment

Never had an ex so I don't have to worry about that. I still she's trying to ignore after what happened that night. It really dropped off then. To add I really don't know whether keep trying to keep her or let her go. We've to hell and back together and I'd do it again if that's what she wanted to do. To add again I just finished talking to her dad and she's ignoreing everyone. She's ignoreing me him even her best friend since pre school so while it makes me feel better its not just me it kills me not knowing what's wrong and what's messing with her. I will fix this no matter what it takes.

[Professional Russian]

How in the ever living fuck do women work. For 3 straight weeks I texted that girl 4 times a day with no responses just so she knew I was there. And a week ago she told to back off a little. So I did. Now she tweeted she has no real friends. You can't be fucking serious. I've been through all this with you. I tried to be the best friend I could and you ignored it. I tried. And tried. And tried some more. I still care about her but it pisses me off that after all I've tried to do she says. Ive stood by her when she was at her worst and I don't plan on leaving her anytime soon. So here's the real friend here. Come on. My god do women fucking confuse me. And.my over thinking like I'm doing now tells me that she's totally removed from being a friend and I don't even count anymore. But I know that she's pissed off at the world for something and I'm.not the only one being ignored. Hell she's ignoreing her own.dad so I mean it definitely wasn't something I did but I can't help but think it was. She needs to.fucking up to one of us so we can deal with what ever going on in her fucking head. Damn do women annoy me, piss me off, confuse the fuck out of me, have no reason for doing what they do but some reason I still love this girl. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me....