Professional Russian
March 15th, 2015, 01:04 PM
im pretty sure this is my first time posting in this forum....wow with all my years here theres always a first. anyways im fucking loosing it. in the past 2 weeks ive broken down cried somewhere probably between 20 times. the most recent being right now. i dont know how much more of this i can take. the only reason im holding on to life is because of one person and shes in the same boat i am right now. and this is one of things on the list is her. i made a promise to her when we first started talking and i found out about her problems. I promised this girl that id always be here for her and id stick with her through thick and thin. whether she had a bf or not i promised id be there and with her recent break up shes been depressed over it ofcourse but last night was the first time i saw how about it was she cried in my arms for half an hour straight. idnt say anything and just cried. i actualy ended up crying with her im pretty sure she didnt notice but i did, and when i got home after that i totally lost and took my anger for her ex out on my phone so its broken. and i know shes still loosing it right now and i guarentee shes tried texting me only to get no response because its broken and its really messing with my head that im breaking one of the most important promises to the most important person in my life right now and leaving her breaking down with no one to be there for her. between that, my dad constantly calling me a fat useless life form, and the constant shit i get at school im really starting to loose it. i really dont know how much of this i can take. i jst cant anymore its so much to handle not to mention the recent suicide we had here i just cant take it. theres nothing left to live for except her and if it gets any worse she wont be here anymore and if i loose her i guarentee ill end up dead somewhere. i just dont know how to handle it. i havent been this depressed for probably a year and a half or 2. and ive come along way since then. this is all just so hard for me to comprehend and i dont even know how to word. ill just leave it at that becaus ei can barely type now. just if anyone knows anything i should do just say it please im loosing it