I'm so close to snapping.

[Cognizant]

2015 has just been complete and utter shit. In the past three months:
- I've almost been fired from my job twice.
- Had to deal with 3 suicides in my city. Two of them were high school students, and one of the students I knew.
- My pet dog died.
- My mom and her fiance split, leaving my mom depressed
- Work has been shitty. There's just a lot of drama and my shifts are becoming more and more stressful.
- School, likewise, has been going like shit.
- My best friend has been ignoring me, helping me realize what a lame dude I am.
- I started to crush on my ex again, only to realize that he found a boyfriend who is exponentially more compatible with him than I could ever be.

I swear to freaking god if one more suicide happens or something I'm going to crack. I've thought of the "what ifs" and boiled it down to these options at the end:

(A) Have a forced vacation. I'd cancel all commitments regardless of importance or priority (citing mental health), inform my grandparents that I can't be in the Bay Area for a little while, and that I would like to stay with them. Then I'll get in my car and drive down to SoCal for a week or so.

(B) Run away. I'd still go to my grandparents, but it'd be a lot more spontaneous - like I'd probably leave at midnight and leave a note telling my dad I can't take it anymore and I'm going to grandma's for a few days. If my grandparents turn me down and tell me to go home, I'll just withdraw $250 and camp out in my car.

(C) Seek help at a Therapist ASAP, and move out as soon as I turn 18.

(D) Kill self, if all else fails and I get no relief from the pain of living. Doubt it'll come to that point, but....yeah.

I don't know where I was going with this thread. Just venting, I guess. I have a lot of sadness that I tend to hide.

[Microcosm]

You seem like a really thoughtful person. It's very respectable. You sound really great to me and these exterior problems are really effecting you. I like your signature especially because it is very important to be self-aware. I say you are thoughtful because you can point out all of your problems and be aware that they are there. Some people get so caught up in their problems that they just sort of lose sight of the fact that there are solutions. So you've definitely taken the first step: self-awareness and awareness of your problems. I think it would be good for you to withdraw for a while. Another thing you could do is set goals for yourself. Like try to do really good in school. Or even teach yourself something outside of school(I've been learning philosophy online. It works wonders. Totally worth looking into).

Hope I could help you! Best wishes!:D