I swear to god i am confused

[ajsd9]

This is killing me in terms of my motivation and confidence in myself.

I seriously can't understand what I am. It's not that i'm scared of being gay, I'm fine with it. I want to live a happy and fulfilling relationship with someone, someday, and I do feel sexual desire. But alot of the time, sex isn't important to me. I don't know if it's anxiety over it that's killing it even more, but I'm so scared of being ASEXUAL.

When I first started watching porn when I was 2 days from 13, my brain was like JESUS CHRIST :yes: and liked it alot. I think i've conditioned it a BIT too far, because now I can't fantasize about myself having sex. It just doesn't not only because I've never had sex, but because my brain is like "ayy fuck that how about u just porn". So starting today, I'm quitting porn to see what happens. To give you an idea of how I feel, I will tell you exactly what my thought process was after writing that sentence.

"ayy lmao ur gonna be horny as fuck and you're going to like it. But wait, what if u don't have it. Hell that's probably what's going to happen, because you are so fucking anxious over this whole thing that it'll probably cut out any desire you actually have!"

^ and I feel this will be true.

This has started to kill me inside. It's becoming increasingly present in my thoughts to the point where I've been thinking about it like for a large chunk of february and march. I think this is only making it worse, because I'm just arguing with myself the whole time on my sexuality.

But in my current state of flat-line right now, I will try to explain exactly how I feel, kind of like a summary of this abomination of a post:

- you masturbate every single day. Don't you think you're just taking a break? No of course not! Guys want sex, think of all the "sloppy seconds" things you've heard about! Guys will always want sex, and they WANT it more than a kid wants his mom's ipad (btw, jesus christ why do parents let their 3 year olds use their ipads that is NOT SAFE for the child's brain)

- you've watched so much porn that you probably fucking think that porn is sex. You don't want people, you want the pixels. Obviously you don't want sex.

- (say we are outside) Look at that guy over their. He is so fucking attractive. But what are you gonna do about it huh? You don't wanna fuck him. You just want to get closer to him. Imagine this shit worked out. You'd be broken up with so fast because you'd never want him. Fucking asexual.

To the contrary of this, my thoughts are constantly

- Imagine you have someone who loves you and you love them back and you are together. It would only come naturally. You'd want it so badly because you love him and you're close to him. Doesn't matter what you do, it's all love.

- And me finding guys and sometimes my brain wants to be looky looky. Very rare though. This usually happens after I don't think about my sexuality for a while.

What do you guys think is up?

[Thomas01]

Well let me start by saying there is a difference between sexual and romantic attraction

The prefixes bi-, homo-, hetero-, a-, pan-,... Are used to describe both separately

So for example me, I'm homosexual and only find guys sexually attractive, whereas I believe I am biromantic, since I get emotionally attache to both genders.

Sexual attraction and romantic attraction don't have to conflict

Sometimes I feel the same way as you a bit anxious because if I fall for a girl I really don't think I will have any sexual desire for her. This doesn't have to be the end of things if I talk things out with my future partner. Let's say I dp end up with a girl, maybe she will be understanding and we can work something out to fill our sexual needs (whether it's jist porn or an open relationship). Either way, if she is willing to find some way so that we can be tpgether, I know it will be worth it

So in your case, if you fall for someone and you develop a close enough relationship to tell him/her that you have no sexual desire but you still have romantic attraction, you could confide in him/her and work something out. If your partner decides that it isn't worth the time, then it's also not worth your time to be with that person

In addition, we might find people who feel the same way we do, I'm confident there are plenty of others thinking the same things. This would just make things easier

But just remember you never really know how you will act in a situation unless you are in it. Maybe you will find someone who is sexually appealing and you would rather have sex than watch porn. It could happen and maybe that will be Mr./Mrs. Right



On another note if you think porn is causing this feeling, maybe it could be a bit of an addiction. Cutting all access to porn would be one way of going about it if you are fine with doing that. Just take some time and see what happens, whether it is the porn or not

And I don't think cutting cold turkey would completely end your sexual desires, but on the extremely rare chance that it does. Being asexual is not a bad thing, you can still maintain romantic interests




I hope this helps :)

[Jackrabbit7]

Hey dude Im in/was in a very similar place. 3 moths ago I really started questioning my sexuality because I could only get off on gay porn and I attracted to some guys and girls but i didnt really care. Asexual is a great word to describe what I was experiencing, like you I was forcing myself to jack off just for the hell of it. I was thinking about life and what being gay/bi would mean and I was like how the hell do I even know?

It started bothering me not knowing if i was gay (~ and i didnt think I was bisexual b/c I dont understand that) and I was like WHATS WRONG WITH ME, I always heard that if you know your gay, you know and I didnt know!

Then I realized that since before starting puberty I have been watching porn and 1/2 the time it was gay. I knew a little about neurology and how the brain works: it wires neurons that created a response that had gotten the body to some reward (its called conditioning or something) a good example is the mice running the maze for food. By learning the maze they get to the food faster, and whats the best reward for a human?-> The dopamien rush from an orgasm.

So for 4 years of my life I had been telling my brain that porn was good and overloaded my sexual scenes. I wired my brain not around girls (or guys if im gay) but around sitting alone with a computer screen... sad... Now at 16 I had no sexual drive, no want for a relationship, social anxiety, self confidence issues, no want for sex, no fantasies, I WAS NEVER HORNY -> which is weird for a teenager.

So I started researching online about what porn does to the brain how I could fix it. I came across this sight called Your brain on porn a sight about what porn does to your brain/ the impact of sex in animals and then this sight called Your brain rebalanced which is a supportive form for people who are quitting porn and masturbation for a pd of time to fix there brains. (and there dicks because alot of guys get porn induced E.D.) ->(can I reference those sights on here?)

After reading up on all that crap i was scared b/c porn really screws with your brain and I knew I totally had all those habits described on the sight. I was like F-it! I want to figure out who I am without porn and decided to just kick porn and masturbation to the side. I thought the best way to find my sexuality was to just stop having sex with my hand and see what I felt towards people off of porn.

I started a journal on the sight after reading others (which really helped get me motivated) and now here I am 3 months later without masturbating or watching porn and feel more normal than ever, but still not really sure of how I feel sexually. I feel a much stronger urge to connect with a girl, I'm working on getting a GF, but every now and then I see a guy and think Dam I'd like to hit that. So its just whatever.

TL;DR: If you read anything read this.
I feel like im in a much better place after quitting porn AND MASTURBATION. If you're on a track to quit porn check out that sight your brain rebalanced, those people can help + im one of them. Sorry for the long ass response, it just that I feel like your in the same place I was and would have been nice for someone to tell me whats up.
I wouldn't worry about the asexaul thing for long if you stopped masturbating, some people go into this thing called a flat line where they have 0 sex drive after getting it back, don't freak out it will pass. If you start feeling like your situations getting better and your cured, don't rush back to porn and over-masturbating, it can make things worse.

I hope this helps

[DoodleSnap]

Plenty of great replies above. Just try and see how staying away from porn works out for you, as it can be quite damaging for many teenagers, so see how 'detoxing' yourself works.
I understand the worry about the future, the analysis and the urge to plan, but believe, just wait and let it go, and see how things go. Easier said than done; but try not to worry about things you can't change. You have made a decision, so stick with it and see where it takes you.
Good luck.