Haven't been in school?

[Hideous]

I haven't been in school ever since the spring semester began (sorry if I didn't make any sense, trying to jot down everything).

The semester before really put me down, I was depressed to the point I just wanted to drop out and do nothing. I was suicidal. I don't feel like typing out my entire story since it's a lot to talk about.

Honestly, I want to get back to class. I want to live again, I want to go out more. I want to talk to people. For the past few weeks I've been staying home, trying to stop the urge to self harm, sleeping excessively, never sleeping during the night. I stay up with negative thoughts and what ifs.

I've been told I should message my new teachers for this semester (I haven't even seen them yet, already a month and a few weeks in) and tell them that "I'm okay, nothing's wrong. and I will return on the following day" but I've done that waaay too many times and I've given up. There were times when I could last several days to a couple of weeks in school but then I would just stop going because I can't help but being in a class where I'm so far behind and I'm just really anxious to speak to anyone or even the teachers.

One of my teachers, last semester, told me that I was faking my depression/mental illness and I was only present in class when there was an exam. Never have I ever done that. She told me that several past teachers from my sophomore year let her know that I practice a bad habit with the "messages them online that he will get to class, but he doesn't". I do try my hardest to get to class, take as many notes, try to participate, study my ass off still getting 0s from my exams, all while putting a smile on my face. I don't want to use my mental illnesses as an excuse, I've made mistakes in the past, I do know that but people seem to bring it up all the time as well as myself and I just don't want to live like this anymore. I honestly hate myself, and I'm awful. I could just cry right now.

A few of my teachers last year were extremely nice, my Spanish/English teacher encouraged me to get professional help/therapy with whatever's going on with me.

The thing is, my parents don't know what to do or what therapy is, and because my Vietnamese is broken, I can barely translate anything to my mom or dad. They expect me to do everything myself. So here I am, trying to get over the fact that I'm hopeless, and miserable.

I have parents who do not speak English. I would have my uncle or brother in law speak for me during guidance counselor meetings but they're not here with me right now.

I've spoken to my guidance counselor excessively, and I feel as if I've annoyed her with my bullshit. The last time I spoke her, I couldn't help but cry right in front of her, and I feel so stupid and regretful ever since. It breaks my heart because she's trying her best to get the amount of credits that I need to pass/graduate but I'm not trying hard enough.

I just don't want to go back to school but then give up and not go.

Gosh, I'm all over the place.

So my question is, what should I do?

[Celtics]

School sucks, worse for some people and better for others. Just go, get it over with prove everyone that you care and just try. I was in the same boat and just wouldn't even think about it until one day I just decided screw it and now I haven't missed a day in weeks. I would go to the doctors and take blood work and get anti depressant medicine (what I do) and that helps a lot. If you don't have enough Vitamin D you can get really depressed.

[SethfromMI]

that is very tough my friend. is there any counselor at school who can speak on your behalf? if you can find a way to get into counseling and they can validate you do have depression, then you should be allowed to make things up. it is a very tough and unfair situation you are in though . I hope things work out man , I will try to think of something for ya

[ChaosEarthquake]

I haven't been to the school I used to be at since January, because I've been in psychiatric wards since then.

I'm now being home schooled, and it helps a lot.

[SethfromMI]

is home schooling an option for you? so you can at least finish this year off?

[ChaosEarthquake]

is home schooling an option for you? so you can at least finish this year off?

This is what I'm doing. :)

[SethfromMI]

This is what I'm doing. :)

I know his situation was a little different, but if it works for him then that may be the best route. hopefully it is working out for you too :)

[Melkor]

One of my teachers, last semester, told me that I was faking my depression/mental illness and I was only present in class when there was an exam. Never have I ever done that. She told me that several past teachers from my sophomore year let her know that I practice a bad habit with the "messages them online that he will get to class, but he doesn't". I do try my hardest to get to class, take as many notes, try to participate, study my ass off still getting 0s from my exams, all while putting a smile on my face. I don't want to use my mental illnesses as an excuse, I've made mistakes in the past, I do know that but people seem to bring it up all the time as well as myself and I just don't want to live like this anymore. I honestly hate myself, and I'm awful. I could just cry right now.


Many people fail to realize the seriousness of depression; I can suggest you to see a therapist as soon as possible. you can get suggestions from your family doctor. Staying out of school wouldn't help you that much, it makes you stay behind even more which increases the possibility of further 0s. Just go for a psychotherapist they might recommend you to a psychiatrist or psychologist and they might prescribe talk therapy or medicine dependant on your situation.

The thing is, my parents don't know what to do or what therapy is, and because my Vietnamese is broken, I can barely translate anything to my mom or dad. They expect me to do everything myself. So here I am, trying to get over the fact that I'm hopeless, and miserable.
First of all, there is denial among some parents, I don't know about Vietnamese parents, but among some Asian parents for example Chinese parents there is denial. Secondly, you can search for social workers that work with immigrants or second generation immigrants for a better communication with parents. I know there are similar groups in Toronto but I am not sure of New York but I assume there should be social workers that can help you communicate with your parents and even if they are not well-informed about depression, they might get proper psycho-education from the social workers. So if you need more help feel free to ask me, I can contact you on skype if you want.

[Cognizant]

I know that feel. I'm one cut away from having a meeting held with all my teachers and my parents. I'm just....done with my high school. There's too much drama and social/academic pressure at my school to really feel comfortable attending there. Unfortunately for me, I don't really have any viable alternatives... I can't transfer to a different school or district, I can't go to middle college, home schooling would be non nonsensical at this point, I'm kinda just bracing through the last two months at my high school and trying to tell myself "2 more months, then I'm free from K-12 education for good".

Honestly, John, if you want to get out of your school, do it now. You have a lot of options that you could do.
You could get home schooled, either by a certified teacher from your school/school district, or by your parents. My sister does this and she likes it.
You could petition to transfer in to middle college, which let's you do classes at a local community college kinda independently. From the people who I've known to do this, it sounds like a really cool option and I'm kinda regretful I didn't petition to do it. I think this option might be good for you, because you'll be able to socialize and feel productive without all the added pressure of a regular high school.

Anyways, I hope things work out for you. You're almost there!

[Magenta]

Okay this is gonna suck to hear (not just for the OP but for all of you not going to school) but you need to go to class. You need to go and if it's hard for you to concentrate or get work done, you need to speak to someone like a guidance counsellor and see if you can get some sort of accommodation worked out (although for that you typically need a doctor's note). You need to go to school. Most of you are almost done, you just have to push through it. The longer you say you can't do it, you won't.

I'm not saying this because I don't know shit about what it's like. Grade 11, I was taking five courses and half of them were from home. Grade 12, I had six and ended up dropping down to three by the end of the year, a couple of which I failed. I was miserable, I wasn't getting help, and I failed. I didn't graduate. The next year, I was doing a fifth year of high school. I nearly dropped out at that point but I had a very good teacher who encouraged me the whole way and made it as easy for me to graduate as possible.

Not everyone is going to have someone like that which is why I say you have to just go and you have to try. School is not optional, dropping out is even worse now than it was 20 years ago, and you're only going to make it worse for yourself if you don't go.

As for the language barrier, I'm sure in New York there are many community centres you can go to for family social work so you can get an interpreter and try to discuss these issues with your parents. But by the sounds of it, you're old enough to see a doctor on your own. I know you don't want to do this all alone but some people have to. I don't think you do but you may have to be prepared to help yourself rather than waiting for others to do so.

And the guidance counsellor? She's there because that's what she's been trained to do. Keep seeing her, keep trying to work something out. Try your best because it's really all you can do. Just don't do what I did 'cause I guarantee that failing out while all your friends graduate and having to go back while they all go off to college is the shittiest feeling on the planet even though it shouldn't be. We all work at our own pace but we do have expectations for ourselves and it's tough when we don't meet them the way we wanted to. Look for other options, etc. Just make sure you go to school. You have to force yourself or it's going to come back to bite you.

[SethfromMI]

Okay this is gonna suck to hear (not just for the OP but for all of you not going to school) but you need to go to class. You need to go and if it's hard for you to concentrate or get work done, you need to speak to someone like a guidance counsellor and see if you can get some sort of accommodation worked out (although for that you typically need a doctor's note). You need to go to school. Most of you are almost done, you just have to push through it. The longer you say you can't do it, you won't.

I'm not saying this because I don't know shit about what it's like. Grade 11, I was taking five courses and half of them were from home. Grade 12, I had six and ended up dropping down to three by the end of the year, a couple of which I failed. I was miserable, I wasn't getting help, and I failed. I didn't graduate. The next year, I was doing a fifth year of high school. I nearly dropped out at that point but I had a very good teacher who encouraged me the whole way and made it as easy for me to graduate as possible.

Not everyone is going to have someone like that which is why I say you have to just go and you have to try. School is not optional, dropping out is even worse now than it was 20 years ago, and you're only going to make it worse for yourself if you don't go.

As for the language barrier, I'm sure in New York there are many community centres you can go to for family social work so you can get an interpreter and try to discuss these issues with your parents. But by the sounds of it, you're old enough to see a doctor on your own. I know you don't want to do this all alone but some people have to. I don't think you do but you may have to be prepared to help yourself rather than waiting for others to do so.

And the guidance counsellor? She's there because that's what she's been trained to do. Keep seeing her, keep trying to work something out. Try your best because it's really all you can do. Just don't do what I did 'cause I guarantee that failing out while all your friends graduate and having to go back while they all go off to college is the shittiest feeling on the planet even though it shouldn't be. We all work at our own pace but we do have expectations for ourselves and it's tough when we don't meet them the way we wanted to. Look for other options, etc. Just make sure you go to school. You have to force yourself or it's going to come back to bite you.

most people with depression cannot simply concentrate like everyone else. it is a very consuming and debilitating. don't get me wrong something has to be figured out, but it is not always just as simple as go regardless

[Magenta]

most people with depression cannot simply concentrate like everyone else. it is a very consuming and debilitating. don't get me wrong something has to be figured out, but it is not always just as simple as go regardless

Dude, it's not like I don't know that. Been there, done that. The thing is, you have to go. Even just show up. I went through kindergarten to grade 12 (twice) with severe depression and social anxiety. And like I said, god I regret how much school I missed because I screwed myself over. And yeah, it was debilitating. I spent half my time in washroom stalls crying or with a razor blade. Neither of those were healthy behaviours, no, but it got better once I was given some accommodations and honestly, my attendance got me half the marks I wouldn't have gotten otherwise, even without doing much work.

So if you can force yourself or have someone else force you to go, seriously do it. Because in the end, you're the one who just ends up suffering even more later on if you don't. It's a lot of pressure, I'm not going to lie.

Sure, there's lots of other things that can and should be done like therapy, talking to teachers about how to make things easier under the circumstances, etc, but first you have to show up to these things. You can't just hide at home. I've done that too. I didn't leave my house for an entire year at one point. Again: I screwed myself over. I'm not saying it's "simple", I'm saying that you have to do it or there are consequences like anything else.

[SethfromMI]

Dude, it's not like I don't know that. Been there, done that. The thing is, you have to go. Even just show up. I went through kindergarten to grade 12 (twice) with severe depression and social anxiety. And like I said, god I regret how much school I missed because I screwed myself over. And yeah, it was debilitating. I spent half my time in washroom stalls crying or with a razor blade. Neither of those were healthy behaviours, no, but it got better once I was given some accommodations and honestly, my attendance got me half the marks I wouldn't have gotten otherwise, even without doing much work.

So if you can force yourself or have someone else force you to go, seriously do it. Because in the end, you're the one who just ends up suffering even more later on if you don't. It's a lot of pressure, I'm not going to lie.

Sure, there's lots of other things that can and should be done like therapy, talking to teachers about how to make things easier under the circumstances, etc, but first you have to show up to these things. You can't just hide at home. I've done that too. I didn't leave my house for an entire year at one point. Again: I screwed myself over. I'm not saying it's "simple", I'm saying that you have to do it or there are consequences like anything else.

I am just saying basically telling poor John boo fucking hoo is not being very productive

[Magenta]

I am just saying basically telling poor John boo fucking hoo is not being very productive

That's... not what I'm saying at all. It fucking sucks, I get it. It's fucking miserable. It hurts and it's impossible to get out of bed and it's a legitimate problem but the issue here is that nothing is going to change if he just stays home. If he doesn't like my advice, he can say so but I am by no means saying "boo hoo, suck it up and get over it". I'm being realistic and I'm telling you guys what I know because I have been there several times over. In order to get somewhere, you need to get up and do something about it. Right now, that's by going to school until there's another option available.

If we all just said "I can't do it" and stayed home, no one would ever get better or see any improvement in their situation. If someone can't face hearing that they have to do something they don't want to in order to change what's going on, then they don't really want it to get better and by the sound of the OP's post, that's not the case. Don't put words into my mouth please.

[Hideous]

Many people fail to realize the seriousness of depression; I can suggest you to see a therapist as soon as possible. you can get suggestions from your family doctor. Staying out of school wouldn't help you that much, it makes you stay behind even more which increases the possibility of further 0s. Just go for a psychotherapist they might recommend you to a psychiatrist or psychologist and they might prescribe talk therapy or medicine dependant on your situation.


First of all, there is denial among some parents, I don't know about Vietnamese parents, but among some Asian parents for example Chinese parents there is denial. Secondly, you can search for social workers that work with immigrants or second generation immigrants for a better communication with parents. I know there are similar groups in Toronto but I am not sure of New York but I assume there should be social workers that can help you communicate with your parents and even if they are not well-informed about depression, they might get proper psycho-education from the social workers. So if you need more help feel free to ask me, I can contact you on skype if you want.

I know that feel. I'm one cut away from having a meeting held with all my teachers and my parents. I'm just....done with my high school. There's too much drama and social/academic pressure at my school to really feel comfortable attending there. Unfortunately for me, I don't really have any viable alternatives... I can't transfer to a different school or district, I can't go to middle college, home schooling would be non nonsensical at this point, I'm kinda just bracing through the last two months at my high school and trying to tell myself "2 more months, then I'm free from K-12 education for good".

Honestly, John, if you want to get out of your school, do it now. You have a lot of options that you could do.
You could get home schooled, either by a certified teacher from your school/school district, or by your parents. My sister does this and she likes it.
You could petition to transfer in to middle college, which let's you do classes at a local community college kinda independently. From the people who I've known to do this, it sounds like a really cool option and I'm kinda regretful I didn't petition to do it. I think this option might be good for you, because you'll be able to socialize and feel productive without all the added pressure of a regular high school.

Anyways, I hope things work out for you. You're almost there!

Okay this is gonna suck to hear (not just for the OP but for all of you not going to school) but you need to go to class. You need to go and if it's hard for you to concentrate or get work done, you need to speak to someone like a guidance counsellor and see if you can get some sort of accommodation worked out (although for that you typically need a doctor's note). You need to go to school. Most of you are almost done, you just have to push through it. The longer you say you can't do it, you won't.

I'm not saying this because I don't know shit about what it's like. Grade 11, I was taking five courses and half of them were from home. Grade 12, I had six and ended up dropping down to three by the end of the year, a couple of which I failed. I was miserable, I wasn't getting help, and I failed. I didn't graduate. The next year, I was doing a fifth year of high school. I nearly dropped out at that point but I had a very good teacher who encouraged me the whole way and made it as easy for me to graduate as possible.

Not everyone is going to have someone like that which is why I say you have to just go and you have to try. School is not optional, dropping out is even worse now than it was 20 years ago, and you're only going to make it worse for yourself if you don't go.

As for the language barrier, I'm sure in New York there are many community centres you can go to for family social work so you can get an interpreter and try to discuss these issues with your parents. But by the sounds of it, you're old enough to see a doctor on your own. I know you don't want to do this all alone but some people have to. I don't think you do but you may have to be prepared to help yourself rather than waiting for others to do so.

And the guidance counsellor? She's there because that's what she's been trained to do. Keep seeing her, keep trying to work something out. Try your best because it's really all you can do. Just don't do what I did 'cause I guarantee that failing out while all your friends graduate and having to go back while they all go off to college is the shittiest feeling on the planet even though it shouldn't be. We all work at our own pace but we do have expectations for ourselves and it's tough when we don't meet them the way we wanted to. Look for other options, etc. Just make sure you go to school. You have to force yourself or it's going to come back to bite you.

Dude, it's not like I don't know that. Been there, done that. The thing is, you have to go. Even just show up. I went through kindergarten to grade 12 (twice) with severe depression and social anxiety. And like I said, god I regret how much school I missed because I screwed myself over. And yeah, it was debilitating. I spent half my time in washroom stalls crying or with a razor blade. Neither of those were healthy behaviours, no, but it got better once I was given some accommodations and honestly, my attendance got me half the marks I wouldn't have gotten otherwise, even without doing much work.

So if you can force yourself or have someone else force you to go, seriously do it. Because in the end, you're the one who just ends up suffering even more later on if you don't. It's a lot of pressure, I'm not going to lie.

Sure, there's lots of other things that can and should be done like therapy, talking to teachers about how to make things easier under the circumstances, etc, but first you have to show up to these things. You can't just hide at home. I've done that too. I didn't leave my house for an entire year at one point. Again: I screwed myself over. I'm not saying it's "simple", I'm saying that you have to do it or there are consequences like anything else.

That's... not what I'm saying at all. It fucking sucks, I get it. It's fucking miserable. It hurts and it's impossible to get out of bed and it's a legitimate problem but the issue here is that nothing is going to change if he just stays home. If he doesn't like my advice, he can say so but I am by no means saying "boo hoo, suck it up and get over it". I'm being realistic and I'm telling you guys what I know because I have been there several times over. In order to get somewhere, you need to get up and do something about it. Right now, that's by going to school until there's another option available.

If we all just said "I can't do it" and stayed home, no one would ever get better or see any improvement in their situation. If someone can't face hearing that they have to do something they don't want to in order to change what's going on, then they don't really want it to get better and by the sound of the OP's post, that's not the case. Don't put words into my mouth please.

that is very tough my friend. is there any counselor at school who can speak on your behalf? if you can find a way to get into counseling and they can validate you do have depression, then you should be allowed to make things up. it is a very tough and unfair situation you are in though . I hope things work out man , I will try to think of something for ya

Thank you, this means a lot to me, and I will definitely take your advice. I will head back tomorrow, but I'm just really nervous to see my guidance counselor again. I honestly do not know what to say to her and how to begin. Other than that, I just hope I'm motivated enough to start going every day until the end of this school year. I'll keep you updated on how everything plays out. Again, thank you :)

[SethfromMI]

Thank you, this means a lot to me, and I will definitely take your advice. I will head back tomorrow, but I'm just really nervous to see my guidance counselor again. I honestly do not know what to say to her and how to begin. Other than that, I just hope I'm motivated enough to start going every day until the end of this school year. I'll keep you updated on how everything plays out. Again, thank you :)

best of luck John :D

[Hideous]

-update-

I did not go to school today, unfortunately. I was up all night thinking and thinking and I was knocked tf out the next morning. I will try again tomorrow and I'll try to sleep tonight.

[SethfromMI]

-update-

I did not go to school today, unfortunately. I was up all night thinking and thinking and I was knocked tf out the next morning. I will try again tomorrow and I'll try to sleep tonight.

it will help to at least get some things figured out man, even if it is hard for you