Are they really friends?

[mopper]

Hi. So lately, if you have seen any of my other posts, I have been questioning most of my existence. Including my friendships.

To start, I would like to define what a friendship is to me.

A friend should be someone who you can have fun with, laugh with, but also connect with. A friend is someone with whom you can share your feelings.




So I am going to zone in on my two main friends, because I think they are the main problem.


Sean: My only issue with Sean is that he is completely two faces, and can be a dick about things some times. The way he does things just kind of irritates me. I can't share anything with him because it's like talking to a brick wall all the time and he never contributes to conversations. He never talks about his feelings which makes it a lot more awkward when I want to get something off my chest.

Steven: Steven became my 'friend' as a result of Sean. They had been friends for a few years when I met Sean. Steven is a scraggly A-hole who doesn't know when enough is enough of anything. You can't share feelings with him because he always either can't take it seriously, or he acts like a dick about it. He denies that he even has any kind of romantic interest, making it further impossible to get stuff off my chest.


So are these people really my friends? Or do I need to find new people to hang out with? (I have been friends with them both for 5 years, I've known Sean for 8)

[PinkFloyd]

I know the exact type of people you're dealing with. They appear as frineds but they're anything but. It's difficult to disassociate yourself from these types of people because you have history with them. You can't just up and leave. I was dealing with a similar problem. I was friends with someone who was judgemental and kind of a prick overall. I had known him since kindergarten so I couldn't just stop hanging out with him without it being uncomfortable and weird. I understood that he wasn't a friend just like your "friends" aren't your friends. I just didn't know how to end the friendship.

What I did was I slowly cut connections between us. I stopped texting him back and returning his calls. Another thing I did is what you should do when you're quitting your job for a better one. You get the better job first and then quit the current job. It works the same for people you want out of your life. Get new friends and then hang out with them instead of Sean and Steven. The key is to not make any bold moves and work them out of your life.

[Hyper]

You need to realise the sad sad truth that the vast majority of men have 0 interest in sharing their feelings in the first place, even though it's something we should all do.

And when they do share their feelings it's usually with romantic interests.

That being said there are many reasons why things are like this... Sharing feelings is not easy you have to trust the person and open yourself up to being hurt - judged, ridiculed etc.

Could just be your friends aren't mature enough to take that risk or maybe they don't think of you well enough to do so... Or maybe they really have nothing they need to share. Who the hell knows.

You can't have other people choose friends for you.

That being said just hanging out with someone doesn't really mean anything.. Especially when you're still a kid.

I think you are right that friends should be able to share their feelings, worries etc with each other for each others support. Doesn't mean you can't hang out with these guys but your expectations should be realistic as to who they are and what you can and shouldn't share with them.