I'm 14. I go to school with this guy called Ben, he's my second serious "crush". I al

[okaitvdto]

I'm 14. I go to school with this guy called Ben, he's my second serious "crush". I always think about him and can jerk off to him. He acts pretty straight, he's went out with two of my female friends, it's kinda been a pain seeing them together, but you never see him kissing them so I'm not sure if he's even attracted to his current girlfriend. He also once told me he's bi but im not sure whether he was joking or something, and he never denies it when someone says "You're gay", he just says "I know I am". He also does things to make me think he likes me, he hugs me for extended periods of time, he grabs my butt, he puts his chin on my shoulder, we exchange eye contact A LOT, he once told me he loved me, you know, all that cute coupley stuff. But we're not a couple.
We don't spend as much time together as we used to (we used to go bowling together and walk home together), I am really nervous around him and stutter on my words, sometimes I feel like i'm giving him signs that I don't want nothing to do with him and be his friend, but i do.
How do I learn to act normal and more confident around him?
How do I know if he likes me?
How do I tell him I like him?
I sometimes feel like giving him a casual kiss to see his reaction, but then again I don't want to ruin his relationship with his girlfriend aka my friend.
It's complicated.

[DoodleSnap]

Considering your closeness, I think he would completely understand if you were to tell him how you feel. Speak to him, and see how he responds. Communication is key in any relationship, and if you communicate, then you can work together to find a solution. I hope it all goes well.

[SethfromMI]

the only way you will ever know for sure is by asking him

[Rdsxbaseballfan]

I do not suggest going up and giving him a kiss while in public, even if its a short peck on the cheeks. I would suggest talking to him and telling him how you feel. Ask him to come over your house one day so it will be just you two and start talking. Don't make the first thing you say, I love you.

I had a close friend that I liked for 2 years, we drifted a way my senior year (his junior year) of high school. I couldn't get myself to talk to him, only a few small conversations here and there because I was nervous around him, like you said you were around your friend. Since I was graduating, I went up to him, and told him I liked him. That was the first time I talked to him that day and I haven't talked to him since.

I caught him off guard and I think the best thing for you would be to tell him but after a while of talking. You never know, after talking to him, maybe he will say something to you.

[okaitvdto]

Considering your closeness, I think he would completely understand if you were to tell him how you feel. Speak to him, and see how he responds. Communication is key in any relationship, and if you communicate, then you can work together to find a solution. I hope it all goes well.

That's some good advice, but we just hardly spend any time together anymore and we don't exchange any long discussions. And I just can't bring myself to talk to him..

the only way you will ever know for sure is by asking him

True, but how do I do that exactly? Do I just come up and say "Hey, are you gay?" or "Do you like me?".
Also, there's his girlfriend. His previous relationships never lasted long, so I've been waiting for them to break up so it would make things easier.

Double post merged ~ Mike/ImCoolBeans

[okaitvdto]

I would suggest talking to him and telling him how you feel. Ask him to come over your house one day so it will be just you two and start talking.
So here's where my problem lies, I am a very enclosed and un-confident person. I don't usually start conversations. And I'm awkward around people who I haven't reached a certain stage with. There's just a difference between my friends and the people I'm confident around. Ben doesn't really classify into one of those people I can just talk to whenever, or as you said, ask to come to my house (even though he lives like 5 mins away). I don't know what to classify him as, really, we don't have any long discussions as we don't have that much in common, and the most we do is exchange glances, make some contact etc. We just used to be a lot closer and I feel like now we're kinda drifting apart, like friends sometimes do. I dont know if the problem lies on my side or his, like I said, I might sometimes give away vibes that I don't want to talk to him, but I do. I don't really know how to stop that, because if we exchange more than 5 words, I stutter and don't know what to talk about. I just don't want him to lose interest in me.

[ImCoolBeans]

If you're unsure how he'll react to you telling him that you like him, or that you are seriously interested in other guys, you could try testing to waters and seeing how he feels about LGBT people, and if you're comfortable with it you could come out to him. If he handles that OK then I think you'd be a step closer to where you want to be, seeing as he at least would be comfortable and cool with you being out with him. Also, if you come out to him, and he is in fact gay or bisexual, he might feel more comfortable telling you about himself.

I wouldn't come out of the gates, guns blazing, and tell him that you love him. I think that will just startle him -- it's a lot to wrap your head around, especially when its a good friend of yours who is of the same sex. Warm up to it, and see where he stands before you tell him everything.

It sounds like he cares about you if he's giving you good hugs, makes good eye contact with you a lot, and rests his chin on your shoulder (which I think is very affectionate), but he could also be the type of person who is ok doing that with friends and showing them that kind of affection. Just be careful, because I don't want to see you hurt in the end, and down a friend. But that's a risk you'll have to take if you seriously want to pursue this.

If you feel like you're drifting apart as friends, and don't want to, you'll have to put more of an effort in to be his friend and spend more time with him. I know you said it's hard for you, but that's how friendships, and relationships are made.

[okaitvdto]

If you're unsure how he'll react to you telling him that you like him, or that you are seriously interested in other guys, you could try testing to waters and seeing how he feels about LGBT people, and if you're comfortable with it you could come out to him. If he handles that OK then I think you'd be a step closer to where you want to be, seeing as he at least would be comfortable and cool with you being out with him. Also, if you come out to him, and he is in fact gay or bisexual, he might feel more comfortable telling you about himself.

I wouldn't come out of the gates, guns blazing, and tell him that you love him. I think that will just startle him -- it's a lot to wrap your head around, especially when its a good friend of yours who is of the same sex. Warm up to it, and see where he stands before you tell him everything.

It sounds like he cares about you if he's giving you good hugs, makes good eye contact with you a lot, and rests his chin on your shoulder (which I think is very affectionate), but he could also be the type of person who is ok doing that with friends and showing them that kind of affection. Just be careful, because I don't want to see you hurt in the end, and down a friend. But that's a risk you'll have to take if you seriously want to pursue this.

If you feel like you're drifting apart as friends, and don't want to, you'll have to put more of an effort in to be his friend and spend more time with him. I know you said it's hard for you, but that's how friendships, and relationships are made.
Thanks! That's some really great advice! Not sure exactly how to come out to him though, I don't want him to think I'm joking or anything but again I don't want to be very serious about it, like it's supposed to change things.
I live in a community where gays and bis are discriminated against, obviously he's probably not one of those people who do things like that. But it's very normal in our school for guys, most of them probably straight, to fool around with other guys, maybe even tease them (that being some of the things i mentioned he does; guys in our school just like joking around like that, not sure why). Not sure if it means any kind of affection, or if he just jokes around like all the others. He once told me I'm a great guy, but that was when we were a bit closer and I was more comfortable around him.

[DoodleSnap]

Is there maybe a way you can message him? Or maybe ask him if he wants to hang out like you used to, for example. Just try to manage your anxiety about speaking to him by wiggling your fingers and toes to get rid of adrenaline, and find a room beforehand and stand up big; legs wide apart and hands high and wide, like a starfish.
From what I have read, I would likely suggest he is bi, for what it is worth, as he said so himself. I can't really imagine anyone saying that alone for comedic effect. Anyway, good luck.

[Straya]

I'm 14. I go to school with this guy called Ben, he's my second serious "crush". I always think about him and can jerk off to him. He acts pretty straight, he's went out with two of my female friends, it's kinda been a pain seeing them together, but you never see him kissing them so I'm not sure if he's even attracted to his current girlfriend. He also once told me he's bi but im not sure whether he was joking or something, and he never denies it when someone says "You're gay", he just says "I know I am". He also does things to make me think he likes me, he hugs me for extended periods of time, he grabs my butt, he puts his chin on my shoulder, we exchange eye contact A LOT, he once told me he loved me, you know, all that cute coupley stuff. But we're not a couple.
We don't spend as much time together as we used to (we used to go bowling together and walk home together), I am really nervous around him and stutter on my words, sometimes I feel like i'm giving him signs that I don't want nothing to do with him and be his friend, but i do.
How do I learn to act normal and more confident around him?
How do I know if he likes me?
How do I tell him I like him?
I sometimes feel like giving him a casual kiss to see his reaction, but then again I don't want to ruin his relationship with his girlfriend aka my friend.
It's complicated.
look man first off if he likes you than his relationship with your friend is alreadyu ruined cause he dosent like her then and if you wanna find out if he likes you then you gotta ask him and tel him you like him back and the not feeling nervous thing that only comes in time when you get more and more comfortable with them

[okaitvdto]

look man first off if he likes you than his relationship with your friend is alreadyu ruined cause he dosent like her then and if you wanna find out if he likes you then you gotta ask him and tel him you like him back and the not feeling nervous thing that only comes in time when you get more and more comfortable with them

I agree with everything!
But to get more comfortable with him that requires me to get closer to him again, and I'm not sure how to do that, we hang around a totally different friend group and I'm not one of those people to just walk up to their crush and talk to them..

Is there maybe a way you can message him? Or maybe ask him if he wants to hang out like you used to, for example. Just try to manage your anxiety about speaking to him by wiggling your fingers and toes to get rid of adrenaline, and find a room beforehand and stand up big; legs wide apart and hands high and wide, like a starfish.
From what I have read, I would likely suggest he is bi, for what it is worth, as he said so himself. I can't really imagine anyone saying that alone for comedic effect. Anyway, good luck.

Thanks, will be needed!
I cant totally message him, just can't bring myself to do it for some reason, I'm always conscious of people's reactions.

[Straya]

I agree with everything!
But to get more comfortable with him that requires me to get closer to him again, and I'm not sure how to do that, we hang around a totally different friend group and I'm not one of those people to just walk up to their crush and talk to them..

do you have him on facebook why not meassage him on there and see if he wants to catch up

[okaitvdto]

do you have him on facebook why not meassage him on there and see if he wants to catch up

Yeah, I do.
Might try that sometime!
Thanks.

[Straya]

Yeah, I do.
Might try that sometime!
Thanks.

no worrys man happy to help

[Rdsxbaseballfan]

So here's where my problem lies, I am a very enclosed and un-confident person. I don't usually start conversations. And I'm awkward around people who I haven't reached a certain stage with. There's just a difference between my friends and the people I'm confident around. Ben doesn't really classify into one of those people I can just talk to whenever, or as you said, ask to come to my house (even though he lives like 5 mins away). I don't know what to classify him as, really, we don't have any long discussions as we don't have that much in common, and the most we do is exchange glances, make some contact etc. We just used to be a lot closer and I feel like now we're kinda drifting apart, like friends sometimes do. I dont know if the problem lies on my side or his, like I said, I might sometimes give away vibes that I don't want to talk to him, but I do. I don't really know how to stop that, because if we exchange more than 5 words, I stutter and don't know what to talk about. I just don't want him to lose interest in me.
I know, its much easier said than done. I felt the same, after a few words I had to find a way to make an exit before I got too nervous. But maybe try and fight the stutter. Once you start talking with him, it will eventually go away once you have gained the confidence again. Try and think that he is just another one of your friends and not the boy you have a crush on, it may help.

[DoodleSnap]

Thanks, will be needed!
I cant totally message him, just can't bring myself to do it for some reason, I'm always conscious of people's reactions.
Look at it from his perspective, and you will see there is nothing to worry about; nothing more than a casual exchange. I am also, much like yourself, guilty of over-analysing and over-worrying about a situation, but trust me, looking at it rationally feels a heck of a lot better. Good luck.

[okaitvdto]

So I went to school today, and made no move on him, I tried to talk to him a couple of time but didn't get the right opportunity, it just didn't want it to be awkward. We exchanged a couple of glances here and there but thats about it.

Also I talked to Molly and I asked her "Where's your boyfriend?" and she was like "What boyfriend? You're my boyfriend! *jokingly*" and I seriously asked her if they were still together but she didn't give me a proper answer + he totally said nothing to her when she walked out of the music block...which leads me to believe they're not together anymore.

[DoodleSnap]

So I went to school today, and made no move on him, I tried to talk to him a couple of time but didn't get the right opportunity, it just didn't want it to be awkward. We exchanged a couple of glances here and there but thats about it.

Also I talked to Molly and I asked her "Where's your boyfriend?" and she was like "What boyfriend? You're my boyfriend! *jokingly*" and I seriously asked her if they were still together but she didn't give me a proper answer + he totally said nothing to her when she walked out of the music block...which leads me to believe they're not together anymore. It is possible, but don't bank on anything until you have received an explicit and definite answer. Try speaking to him again, I'm sure the right opportunity will arise.

[okaitvdto]

Day 2:
Slightly talked to him today, just about random things in our lesson, geez, what do I talk to him about?
Like always, exchanged prolonged eye contact and didn't look away for a while, could see him smiling a little after he looked away.
Molly and him seem to be on good terms, not sure if they're still dating but they don't seem to be awkward about it. If they're not then Ben should definitely change his facebook profile picture :')

[pjones]

his facebook profile pic doesn't mean anything. he might be too lazy to change it or maybe doesn't want anyone to know things might have changed with him and Molly.

do you have any classes together, like the same sports or even teachers? talk to him about one of those things if you have similar interests. talk about the weather even, but talk to him a little and see where it goes

[thetransylvanianguy]

Relax - just breathe and think about how you will be truly happy with a guy who's gay at some point in the future. But if you really think he is gay, you may try by strengthening your friendship (if you are friends with him). If not, try by becoming friends with him. You can never know, he might or might not be attracted to you. Sexuality is not determined by actions - a gay person can act the way a stereotypical straight person would, and the opposite is true. I would advise you to go to a counsellor - I am sure he/she would be glad to help you.

[DoodleSnap]

Day 2:
Slightly talked to him today, just about random things in our lesson, geez, what do I talk to him about?
Like always, exchanged prolonged eye contact and didn't look away for a while, could see him smiling a little after he looked away.
Molly and him seem to be on good terms, not sure if they're still dating but they don't seem to be awkward about it. If they're not then Ben should definitely change his facebook profile picture :')
You could maybe try speaking to him about a hobby he likes? One that works well for me is saying that something reminds me of them, and speaking about it, having a laugh, and letting the conversation naturally evolve.

[RandAnonPers]

Same issue-except i'm not completely sure if the man i want is gay or not XD

[Thomas01]

In my opinion, I think you should just talk to him one of these days and just tell him how you feel, you can even do it over social media if you are too nervous. Just say you really value your friendship and that you are starting to develop feelings for him. It seems like you two are close enough friends to say this

I have told my best friend who was straight that he's like family to me. Later on I developed feelings for him and told him so. He was fine with me saying that but he was straight and so nothing ever became of it. But even then, at least he knew that I liked him so if he ever decided to give it a go, he could feel more comfortable going about it

Once he knows, you can just remind him once i awhile how important he is so that he knows you are there for him as a friend and a potential significant other if he ever decides

And if you're nervous about getting him alone to talk because you think he'll be a bit awkward, you can always just casually remind him how you used to go bowling and just hang out like that

[okaitvdto]

Same issue-except i'm not completely sure if the man i want is gay or not XD
Well, me neither xD.

[okaitvdto]

So it's been a while, and we have talked quite a bit, mostly just small talk. The thing is that he's a really friendly and touchy person, and the other day we hugged for like a minute, which I'm pretty sure he doesn't do with any of his other friends, which, yeah okay, that's great..But aren't friends supposed to talk about stuff rather than just give gestures and say hi to each other and that's about it? I mean, I've definitely become more comfortable around him thanks to him actually being the one to say hi to me and reach out to me, but it's hard to get to talk to him at school alone, we don't see each other that much, we have quite a few classes together, but we sit no where near each other so all i can do is glance at him sometimes and see if he's glancing back.

[ImCoolBeans]

So it's been a while, and we have talked quite a bit, mostly just small talk. The thing is that he's a really friendly and touchy person, and the other day we hugged for like a minute, which I'm pretty sure he doesn't do with any of his other friends, which, yeah okay, that's great..But aren't friends supposed to talk about stuff rather than just give gestures and say hi to each other and that's about it? I mean, I've definitely become more comfortable around him thanks to him actually being the one to say hi to me and reach out to me, but it's hard to get to talk to him at school alone, we don't see each other that much, we have quite a few classes together, but we sit no where near each other so all i can do is glance at him sometimes and see if he's glancing back.

So actually talk to him. You're never going to get what you want if you sit around and wait for it.

[Baileyy]

I know this feeling all too well my man. Glad to see that you've got some really good advice from the community though, always helps out I feel!

If y'wanna talk about it, have a one on one with somebody about your situation or if y'just want someone to listen then hit me up man! From someone who's going through this same stuff, could help out :)

Best of luck! :D

[DoodleSnap]

So it's been a while, and we have talked quite a bit, mostly just small talk. The thing is that he's a really friendly and touchy person, and the other day we hugged for like a minute, which I'm pretty sure he doesn't do with any of his other friends, which, yeah okay, that's great..But aren't friends supposed to talk about stuff rather than just give gestures and say hi to each other and that's about it? I mean, I've definitely become more comfortable around him thanks to him actually being the one to say hi to me and reach out to me, but it's hard to get to talk to him at school alone, we don't see each other that much, we have quite a few classes together, but we sit no where near each other so all i can do is glance at him sometimes and see if he's glancing back. Is there any way to contact him via social media or some form of messaging? Just reach out and speak to him - detach yourself from the situation and just do it. It can be hard sometimes, but he is clearly interested in speaking to you too, so reach out and he will appreciate the gesture too.

[ChaosEarthquake]

Just test the waters. :)

[AceofSpades97]

Hmmm dude sounds complicated but just acting normal is not easy you just need to keep your head empty about thoughts of him try to think about other stuff when you are around him that will help you relax. And if you wanna know if he likes you you should go on a date or something or go out only you two and try to see how he likes it and moreover how he is around you. And for the thing how do you tell him you like him well that is for on going out when you go out with him and you think it is the right time just tell him you like him a lot. I bet he will react ok but it's always difficult to really know if someone is gay or bi for that matter.