Bisexual, unsure what to do?

[Crooked]

I'm bisexual and have had a crush on my best friend (male) for ages now. He's not come out, nor does he consider himself gay in any way but I'm sure that there's some chemistry between us. I want to tell him but I don't want to lose him. We are so close so it might be fine but I'm also scared that it'll freak him. I'm just so unhappy at the moment and don't feel like I can be happy unless he knows.

[WengMan3397]

If he truly does not "consider himself gay in any way" how can you be so sure that the "chemistry" you feel between you is romantic, sexual, or whatever it is you are desiring from him? When people are really into someone it's natural to mistake closeness of any kind for something more serious. Does he know you are bisexual?

[SethfromMI]

If he truly does not "consider himself gay in any way" how can you be so sure that the "chemistry" you feel between you is romantic, sexual, or whatever it is you are desiring from him? When people are really into someone it's natural to mistake closeness of any kind for something more serious. Does he know you are bisexual?

Mike is definitely giving you something to think about here. although I am bi I have a close relationship with some of my guy friends which is not sexual in anyway. we have a close relationship but I don't think of them sexually and I am assuming they do not think of me that way either.

Sometimes when you are interested in someone, you want to believe there is chemistry there when there may not be. if you do move on these feelings and he is not bi/gay than it might create an awkward situation which could possibly damage the relationship.

so I would think very carefully before you act on this

[WengMan3397]

Mike is definitely giving you something to think about here. although I am bi I have a close relationship with some of my guy friends which is not sexual in anyway. we have a close relationship but I don't think of them sexually and I am assuming they do not think of me that way either.

Sometimes when you are interested in someone, you want to believe there is chemistry there when there may not be. if you do move on these feelings and he is not bi/gay than it might create an awkward situation which could possibly damage the relationship.

so I would think very carefully before you act on this

Absolutely, man. That's why I asked if he knew you were also into dudes. I don't see the harm in sharing that side of yourself with him and in fact I think you should. If you've already done this and he hasn't taken that opportunity to confess similar feelings for you or other guys it could be a good sign he's straight. If you haven't talked about this part of your sexuality I think you definitely should and see what he says in return if that makes sense?

[SethfromMI]

Absolutely, man. That's why I asked if he knew you were also into dudes. I don't see the harm in sharing that side of yourself with him and in fact I think you should. If you've already done this and he hasn't taken that opportunity to confess similar feelings for you or other guys it could be a good sign he's straight. If you haven't talked about this part of your sexuality I think you definitely should and see what he says in return if that makes sense?

oh for sure. and hopefully, if they do have that close friendship, he would not be in any danger of losing a friendship, even if the friend is not bi/gay. but sometimes people have sides to them you don't even know they are there. if they are close enough friends he should be able to at least say he is bi (a true friend will be accepting) but even an accepting friend who is straight might find it too weird a close guy friend likes them. I am not saying he shouldn't talk, I am just saying depending on the friend, it could make things awkward between the two of them

[WengMan3397]

oh for sure. and hopefully, if they do have that close friendship, he would not be in any danger of losing a friendship, even if the friend is not bi/gay. but sometimes people have sides to them you don't even know they are there. if they are close enough friends he should be able to at least say he is bi (a true friend will be accepting) but even an accepting friend who is straight might find it too weird a close guy friend likes them. I am not saying he shouldn't talk, I am just saying depending on the friend, it could make things awkward between the two of them

Yea, you're right Seth. I almost said something like "you should tell this guy UNLESS you know for some reason he's a bigot or whatever" but I didn't want to make the OP feel ashamed or uncomfortable. It really shouldn't matter one bit...but yea, you do need to know your friend's biases.

[SethfromMI]

Yea, you're right Seth. I almost said something like "you should tell this guy UNLESS you know for some reason he's a bigot or whatever" but I didn't want to make the OP feel ashamed or uncomfortable. It really shouldn't matter one bit...but yea, you do need to know your friend's biases.

it shouldn't matter, but you just never know. OP definitely shouldn't feel ashamed, it is just hard to know what to do in that situation. OP will have to use his best judgment based on what he knows of his friend. even then, there is that slight possibility. I hope if they are that close, even if he wasn't interested, it wouldn't bother him

[WengMan3397]

it shouldn't matter, but you just never know. OP definitely shouldn't feel ashamed, it is just hard to know what to do in that situation. OP will have to use his best judgment based on what he knows of his friend. even then, there is that slight possibility. I hope if they are that close, even if he wasn't interested, it wouldn't bother him

Fingers crossed for ya brah.

[Crooked]

Cheers guys. I feel like he is bi. In fact I'm almost certain, as are a few other people but I think he's just scared. He knows I'm bi, he's the first person I came out to. I don't feel ashamed. I just don't want to lose him from my life if I do tell him.

[WengMan3397]

Well.... I wouldn't press the issue man. He knows you are bi. He either is or he isn't but either way he isn't open to doing things with you now, so cool it. You could have a conversation where you gently reaffirm your friendship, but I'd leave t there.