"We found condoms in your purse"

[rachel_ballet]

OMG! I just got over the "We found condoms in your purse" 2 hour discussion with my parents!
Last night, I took off my coat and and was so tired and not thinking, and left my purse downstairs before I went to bed!
My parents have never snooped through my stuff before, but my mom said that she was trying to be nice and slip some money in my wallet. She said that she couldnt find it at first and when she went through my purse, she found the condoms!
OMFG!
I think the whole money story was just BS!
They've never done anything like this to me before!
So, needless to say, I sat through a 2 hour discussion about sex, STDs, pregnancy, and much more!
They asked me about my sex life and how I got them, and the worst part was that they threw them away!
You'd think they'd be at least happy that if I was to have sex with my BF, that at least I'd have protection for him if he didn't!
So now they're freaking the f out over all this!

[Abbeys]

I was just about to say,give your parents time to come to terms with it and they will realise you are growing up etc etc.

THEN, I noticed your age.13.

[twirlgurl]

I think my parents would be PROUD that I had condoms...once they got over the shock of it. Having sex at 13 is kind of ...not so smart.

[Isabella_]

Say they insisted at school and you kept them in case you thought a friend was going to make a mistake at a party and guilt the crap out of them for having such little faith in you

[Taryn98]

That would be terrible to sit through, but it could be worse. They could have caught you in the act.

[Isabella_]

That would be terrible to sit through, but it could be worse. They could have caught you in the act.

Oh yes that would be worse
The lecture I got when caught giving a bj to a boy they didn't approve of

Good grief

[cutie123]

I understand where your coming from! I had to sit through a lecture like that! However you should tell your parents that they should be proud of you for taking the steps to hace safe sex!

[Isabella_]

"You found them in my purse? I found empty ones in Dad's gym bag"

[LITTLEANGEL19]

Rachel the talk you were having could have been about you been pregnant, that would have been worse.
But at 13 you should NOT be having a sexual relationship with your boyfriend.

[lilg]

I don't see the big deal if you want to carry condoms in your purse then she shouldn't freak out. I don't like them but that's up to you.

[Isabella_]

Tell them to get F'd they raised you to be responsible

[jenny2000]

I don't know, but at 13, I feel its too early. I am 14 myself, and if my bf asked me to do it now, I'd say no...I want to wait till like 16 or 17...

[Magenta]

Tell them to get F'd they raised you to be responsible

Oh yeah, because that would go over so well.

My mum knows I keep condoms in my bag. However, I'm nearly 20. You're 13. I can see why they had that talk with you. If you've never had it before, they may have decided well, it was time given that you've already started doing these things.

It's good you're trying to be responsible. I think it was a mistake for your parents to throw them away because really, teens find ways to have sex anyway and then become irresponsible. But they're probably trying to deter you.

Technically, biologically, you're not physically ready to have sex or potentially carry a child until puberty is finished. That's also when your hormones stabilize and you are a lot more mature. I don't think anyone should be having sex under the age of 16 at least. Most people haven't even taken sex ed by then, in most countries I've heard of. 13 is very, very young and your parents are probably concerned that you are thinking seriously about sex at that age, let alone actually doing it. And they may also be concerned you're being taken advantage of, due to your age.

I'm just not surprised that they acted the way they did but you might want to sit down and have your own talk with them about it because clearly you're already in a sexual relationship and (I wouldn't know because I'm asexual but) I assume that's not something you're going to just stop because of your parents.

When I was 13, I wasn't even wearing a bra yet so I have a hard time imagining any 13-year-old actually wanting and having sex.

[Isabella_]

Oh yeah, because that would go over so well.

My mum knows I keep condoms in my bag. However, I'm nearly 20. You're 13. I can see why they had that talk with you. If you've never had it before, they may have decided well, it was time given that you've already started doing these things.

It's good you're trying to be responsible. I think it was a mistake for your parents to throw them away because really, teens find ways to have sex anyway and then become irresponsible. But they're probably trying to deter you.

Technically, biologically, you're not physically ready to have sex or potentially carry a child until puberty is finished. That's also when your hormones stabilize and you are a lot more mature. I don't think anyone should be having sex under the age of 16 at least. Most people haven't even taken sex ed by then, in most countries I've heard of. 13 is very, very young and your parents are probably concerned that you are thinking seriously about sex at that age, let alone actually doing it. And they may also be concerned you're being taken advantage of, due to your age.

I'm just not surprised that they acted the way they did but you might want to sit down and have your own talk with them about it because clearly you're already in a sexual relationship and (I wouldn't know because I'm asexual but) I assume that's not something you're going to just stop because of your parents.

When I was 13, I wasn't even wearing a bra yet so I have a hard time imagining any 13-year-old actually wanting and having sex.

I guess it's mostly in third world countries but younger girls have babies all the time
Higher chance of mother or child dieing but in those places it's a crapshoot for anyone, who knows
Many already are thinking about it/wanting it just either single, smart, shy, scared, etc. Just look at the surveys here - many masturbating by 11/12 and some sex shortly after

[Jour_Nuit]

I don't buy any condom and i don't have it in my purse. Before when I was sexually active with my ex bf, he always had condoms, but we used it rarely because i take the pill

[Gren64]

I guess it's mostly in third world countries but younger girls have babies all the time
Higher chance of mother or child dieing but in those places it's a crapshoot for anyone, who knows
Many already are thinking about it/wanting it just either single, smart, shy, scared, etc. Just look at the surveys here - many masturbating by 11/12 and some sex shortly after

To be fair, just because its possible to become pregnant at 12, that doesn't mean we should normalize it, girls bodies aren't ready to actually bear the child yet, often resulting in complications.
Theres also the fact a 12 year old can't legally support themselves for another 4 years, so it puts a burden on the unfortunate grandparents of the young mother/father depending on who ends up taking the most responsibility.
All sex carries risk of pregnancy, and no method is 100% effective, so I can fully understand why the OP's parents were worried.

[Shortie]

Sorry kiddo, I'm going to have to agree with the others who say that 13 is far too young! I see mostly they are my age and I can see why your parents did that.

[Laraa.01]

I have to say that I disagree with those who are saying that it is wrong for you to be having sex at 13 and your mum was justified in throwing away the condom. I lost my virginity at 13 and don't regret it, maybe I will in the future but don't right now. The fact that you were carrying condoms means you were being safe about it which is good.

The awkward sex/condom/STD talk is just something you have to go through, your mum did well by taking you through it but the throwing the condom was wrong.

[Wildsassygirl]

At least you are smart enough to use condoms. I wish I would have waited until I was 14 or 15 when I did it.

[Lisa16]

Whaw, that's very early to have sex and your parents are of course concerned and therefore they wanted to talk to you but on the other hand they can be happy that you had condoms to protect you!!

[tasminsmith]

"You found them in my purse? I found empty ones in Dad's gym bag"

omg this ^

[jenni31]

Parental units can be such a pain,,they should be happy ur thinking smart.... But these are those awkward moments we all go through growin up. I be horrified if my mom would find my vivrator..but I can tell her I am still a virgin..

[Emolga]

13 is a little bit too early, in my opinion

[Uniquemind]

I actually agree but also disagree with people here, I think the criteria for judging whether someone is ready to enter the sexual arena depends on a number of variables and NOT by a arbitrary calendar age.

1. Genetics is a big factor because it will determine speed of development for healthy child bearing and rearing which will be different for everyone.

2. Financial situation, if you don't have the money to provide for shelter, food, good or great educational opportunities for your children, then you have no business having sex, protected or unprotected, because something could go wrong and you will be in a bad position in life from then on (Oral included in this definition of sex).

(I.e. Although by criteria #2 nobody should be having sex, even adults because of the economic recession of 2008 and abroad in other European countries made everyone desperate to preserve enough money to live. But I digress).

3. Mindset and personality

I think a good warning sign that you are embarking on a sex act for the wrong reasons and therefore aren't ready is wanting to have sex for rebellious reasons (proving a concept to your parental units, or to yourself just because you have something to prove) is a huge warning sign you aren't ready.

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But if you've got enough physical development, are wealthy enough to start and raise a family, and aren't naive about the world and about who you are and how you fit into that world, I don't see why it is by default a problem.


Calendar age is basically a best fit average about the majority, but if you're one of the rare few outliers- a young independent person - I can't judge or even say you'll be harmed by default.

Well I'll say this:

"It's certainly the exception, not the rule in developed society"

In 3rd world society, I'm not sure individuals are free enough to compare to 1st world because they might not have consented to the marriage or behavior choices/actions in the first place.


---

It's also certainly true many adults easily past the age 18 magic number aren't mature enough to be doing the "let's make a baby" act, yet but are.


The right to have sex actually should be more like a privilege and should require a license. It should have very little to do with puberty in of itself being the all determining factor.

[Abbeys]

I actually agree but also disagree with people here, I think the criteria for judging whether someone is ready to enter the sexual arena depends on a number of variables and NOT by a arbitrary calendar age.

1. Genetics is a big factor because it will determine speed of development for healthy child bearing and rearing which will be different for everyone.

2. Financial situation, if you don't have the money to provide for shelter, food, good or great educational opportunities for your children, then you have no business having sex, protected or unprotected, because something could go wrong and you will be in a bad position in life from then on (Oral included in this definition of sex).

(I.e. Although by criteria #2 nobody should be having sex, even adults because of the economic recession of 2008 and abroad in other European countries made everyone desperate to preserve enough money to live. But I digress).

3. Mindset and personality

I think a good warning sign that you are embarking on a sex act for the wrong reasons and therefore aren't ready is wanting to have sex for rebellious reasons (proving a concept to your parental units, or to yourself just because you have something to prove) is a huge warning sign you aren't ready.

-----

But if you've got enough physical development, are wealthy enough to start and raise a family, and aren't naive about the world and about who you are and how you fit into that world, I don't see why it is by default a problem.


Calendar age is basically a best fit average about the majority, but if you're one of the rare few outliers- a young independent person - I can't judge or even say you'll be harmed by default.

Well I'll say this:

"It's certainly the exception, not the rule in developed society"

In 3rd world society, I'm not sure individuals are free enough to compare to 1st world because they might not have consented to the marriage or behavior choices/actions in the first place.


---

It's also certainly true many adults easily past the age 18 magic number aren't mature enough to be doing the "let's make a baby" act, yet but are.


The right to have sex actually should be more like a privilege and should require a license. It should have very little to do with puberty in of itself being the all determining factor.

The right to have sex actually should be more like a privilege and should require a license. It should have very little to do with puberty in of itself being the all determining factor

So who would grant the license and what would the specific and detailed criteria be to grant such a license?

[Uniquemind]

The right to have sex actually should be more like a privilege and should require a license. It should have very little to do with puberty in of itself being the all determining factor

So who would grant the license and what would the specific and detailed criteria be to grant such a license?

That's up for debate, and for psychologists and scholars to figure out about what specific questions should be asked.

But if I had a hand in designing such a test there would be a lot of scenario questions. Heavy critical thinking type questions that have a point value to them and multiple answers.

Ex:

1. Your rent costs ___ you have this much income, how do you decide what to buy out of X, Y, and Z.

2. What are X, Y, and Z and why are they important to life.

3. List the steps of how to deal with identity and credit card theft.

4. What is a social security number and what is it used for?

5. What is the differences between state and federal taxes?

6. Why are vaccines important to get for a baby? When and how should you obtain such medical care for the baby.

7. (Multiple choice questions) What is the best way to hold a baby? (Head support etc.)

8. How do you put on a condom?

9. How does the pill for girls and women work and what can antidote it?

10. Describe how your reproductive system works?

11. A friend spreads nasty and untrue gossip about you and you are given an opportunity to get revenge with a guarantee you won't get caught, would you choose. A, B, C, D, E, F, or G. (Get creative of what the letters represent as possible answers).

---

It wouldn't be simple test but it's goal would be to see if that person was responsible enough and mature enough in how they see the world to demonstrate they could handle a kid, IF they ended up pregnant.

Heck you could even require a few doctors tests just to see if they're physically ready.

But remember the whole don't have sex before age __ is still an ideal goal, but the reality is we really should have a society that knows how to handle the real world facts that a small but significant chunk of 12-15 year olds do have sex anyway.

Society can't bury it's head in the sand and keep repeating an ideal in the hopes of discouragement of the behavior.

I remember hearing on the news that hormones in the food supply was triggering large rise in boys and girls who started puberty way early and that also means they're gonna be dealing with those urges sooner.

I am sadly not shocked this age group has a fraction of people who have not taken the abstinence only road...few do.

[juanita]

Well the cat's out of the bag so to speak. Your parents are probably going to get more intrusive, and try to get you to abstain from sex. 13 is a little bit young for intercourse but it is what it is, some girls sexually mature sooner.

Maybe try and cut a deal with your parents that you won't have intercourse just touching/oral and they will back off.

[Living For Love]

Mod note: let's keep on topic and avoid needless discussions.