Hiding My Self Harm From My Friend

[LunaHermione]

Hey, I was wondering if anyone had any ideas that could help me. Basically I always wear long sleeves to hide my self harm and I never really thought it was noticeable until my college friend pointed it out. She asked me really quietly, so no one else would hear, why do you always wear long sleeves? And I was kinda thrown for a second you know, because no one had ever noticed before but this girl I'd only known for 4 months noticed. So I was just like, I don't know I just do. Which I know is a really crappy answer but like I couldn't think of anything and well she gave me this look that blatently said 'I don't believe you' but before she could say anything else I just looked away to kinda end the convosation. Anyway she has my phone number and she texted me after college asking if I was okay which I said I was and she text back saying how she knows I'm not fine because I always look sad in college and that she was really concerned about me. I just kept saying I was fine to end the convosation and it worked until college the next day, she kept mouthing 'are you okay' to me and when I said I was fine she just kept giving me this sad look because she knew I was lying. She keeps asking me about my long sleeves too, like not in a pushy way, I can tell she just wants to know so she can try and help. This girl is really lovely and even though I've only known her for 4 months I really do trust her and I think she really does care and wants to help but I don't want to worry her you know? I know it would be best if I let her try to help but I've made that mistake before and I just ended up worrying my friend so now I just tell her I'm okay and she believes me. I don't want my college friend to worry about me. I don't want to be a burden to her. So is there any way I can make her think I'm okay without pushing her away and losing her? I don't want to lose her. I'm sorry this turned out way longer than I meant. But I'd really appreciate it if anyone could help. Thank you.

[jess1576]

Hey, I was wondering if anyone had any ideas that could help me. Basically I always wear long selves to hide my self harm and I never really thought it was noticeable until my college friend pointed it out. She asked me really quietly, so no one else would hear, why do you always wear long sleeves? And I was kinda thrown for a second you know, because no one had ever noticed before but this girl I'd only known for 4 months noticed. So I was just like, I don't know I just do. Which I know is a really crappy answer but like I couldn't think of anything and well she gave me this look that blatently said 'I don't believe you' but before she could say anything else I just looked away to kinda end the convosation. Anyway she has my phone number and she texted me after college asking if I was okay which I said I was and she text back saying how she knows I'm not fine because I always look sad in college and that she was really concerned about me. I just kept saying I was fine to end the convosation and it worked until college the next day, she kept mouthing 'are you okay' to me and when I said I was fine she just kept giving me this sad look because she knew I was lying. She keeps asking me about my long sleeves too, like not in a pushy way, I can tell she just wants to know so she can try and help. This girl is really lovely and even though I've only known her for 4 months I really do trust her and I think she really does care and wants to help but I don't want to worry her you know? I know it would be best if I let her try to help but I've made that mistake before and I just ended up worrying my friend so now I just tell her I'm okay and she believes me. I don't want my college friend to worry about me. I don't want to be a burden to her. So is there any way I can make her think I'm okay without pushing her away and losing her? I don't want to lose her. I'm sorry this turned out way longer than I meant. But I'd really appreciate it if anyone could help. Thank you.

It's so difficult when you have friends who care about you so much, but you are concerned about them. I have so many friends who don't know how to handle their feelings and continuously ask me if I'm okay, and what the marks on my arms are from (I'm a swimmer so I can't exactly conceal the evidence. Have you reached out and received help yet? Because if so, you can reply to her with "thank you for your concern, but I've reached out and received help." I've found that most people understand that it's being taken care of and they remove themselves from the situation. If you haven't found help yet, I would suggest expressing some of your feelings, by at least acknowledging the existence of your sadness, and possibly explaining a small factor of your troubles. Although this is difficult to do, telling a friend builds trust, which in turn builds friendships. I hope this helps, and I wish you luck!

[maddogmj77]

It sounds like she already knows, you might as well tell her, unless you have a reason for REEEEEEEEALLY not wanting to.

[amgb]

Hey Amy~ When it comes to self harm and friends, things are definitely tough. I'm glad you have someone who cares and worries about you, but I also know how hard it is to open up and talk to them. I know you don't want to hurt or worry anyone, and feeling like a burden is not a nice feeling at all. You will never be a burden to anyone, so long as they care about you and would do anything in their power to support you through those tough times, I believe they will not feel burdened. They will feel happy that they will be able to help you feel okay. I also really want you to be okay. What I suggest is telling her that you are going through a tough time, tell her you are glad that she wants to be there for you but you don't want to worry or upset her. Tell her you don't want to lose her or push her away. Tell her you'll talk when you're ready and when you're comfortable. Tell her your honest feelings. If she really cares, which we both know she does, she will respect that and she will make sure she's there for you when you need her. I hope you've been okay and I hope you work this out with her~~

[LunaHermione]

I really appreciate your comments. Each and every one has helped. Thank you.

[JamesSuperBoy]

I don't know if this would help but you could maybe say that you really appreciate her asking but you have a few private things you dont want to talk about right now. but make clear you are not pushing her away maybe suggest you have lunch or coffee share some work etc.

[LunaHermione]

Thank you James, that's a really good idea. I'll try that.