Confidence Issues

[Dogrules23]

To communicate with girls in my school I find attractive, I use our school email system. I can't talk to them in person because I get incredibly nervous and convince myself to not do it subconsciously. I have had this problem for as long as I can remember and now that I'm in 11th grade, it has started to really effect my social life. I am lonely all the time and surrounded by couples. I really want to find a way to fix this but have no ideas. If you ever had this problem and overcame it or know someone who has overcome it, please tell me how I can do so. Thanks in advance!

[Suicune]

However you could continue to message the girls you like, but if it doesn't work you're eventually going to have to build up the courage to talk to one of them in person. It's the last thing you feel like doing but it's really a skill that you should work on for the future.

I have terrible anxiety getting the courage to talk to anyone I don't really know, so I just made my best effort to speak out more in any situation really; whether it be answering a question in class or ordering something to eat. It didn't work overnight but I eventually felt more comfortable at least saying hi to the person I liked, (who I am in a relationship with now because of it!) it's just pushing yourself out of your comfort zone a little bit.

[Kacey]

I would say, start out with small steps. Walk up to a girl and just say hi. Then add in "how are you?" Small steps like that. No need to rush into anything. I know how you feel, man. I have been there before. Well, not the email part, but still. All you need to do is slowly build up confidence.

[Dogrules23]

Thanks to both of you. This is what I sent to the girls I like:

This picture explains how I feel. This email may seem random but I've been thinking about doing this for a while. If you get this email, please keep it a secret. I am very concerned that this may not remain a secret and if it gets out it won't be good for me. So please keep this email a secret from everyone, I'm begging you. Thanks!

The picture said "If you think a girl is pretty then simply say 'you're really pretty' and then you've made her day it's not that hard".

I sent that sometime last week and got 2 replies. I want to talk to them in my person but haven't figured out how to. One is in my trigonometry class though.

Double posts merged.

[Suicune]

Well I guess it would depend on how positive their responses were, but if you want to talk to them in person you don't have to be too forward, just say hello and ask how their day is going, like Kacey mentioned above.

If you have time before class starts to talk to them you might want to take advantage of that. If you could make a habit of saying hello you might become more confident with talking to them about different things.

[Dogrules23]

Well I guess it would depend on how positive their responses were, but if you want to talk to them in person you don't have to be too forward, just say hello and ask how their day is going, like Kacey mentioned above.

If you have time before class starts to talk to them you might want to take advantage of that. If you could make a habit of saying hello you might become more confident with talking to them about different things.

The main problem is starting the conversation. Even saying hi would be hard for me.

[Suicune]

You could try reciting, as silly as it sounds. Like if you were to imagine having the conversation with this person and actually practicing what you were going to say. Maybe you've done it to prepare for a class presentation, it's the same basic concept of hearing your own voice and knowing what you're going to say before you even begin.

Do you have difficulty starting conversation in general? It would probably help you to talk with friends or other classmates before trying to talk to someone you really like.

It's a scary thing to do and sometimes people forget, but remember that this is another human being you'd be talking to. If you're friendly and respectful then they should respond in the same way! If you can push yourself to take the first step then you might be surprised at what could happen!

[Dogrules23]

You could try reciting, as silly as it sounds. Like if you were to imagine having the conversation with this person and actually practicing what you were going to say. Maybe you've done it to prepare for a class presentation, it's the same basic concept of hearing your own voice and knowing what you're going to say before you even begin.

Do you have difficulty starting conversation in general? It would probably help you to talk with friends or other classmates before trying to talk to someone you really like.

It's a scary thing to do and sometimes people forget, but remember that this is another human being you'd be talking to. If you're friendly and respectful then they should respond in the same way! If you can push yourself to take the first step then you might be surprised at what could happen!
I've never been good at starting conversations in general either. I just never know what to say.

[fairmaiden]

I know you like several girls, but I don't think it's very good that you're sending all of them cute/complimentary emails at the same time, because if people find out about it, you're going to end up looking like a player and that's not exactly great for your reputation.

Another thing you shouldn't tell the girls is ''I'm begging you'' because it gives them way too much power and they shouldn't be allowed to toy around with you.

I think you should send one of them a message asking if they'd like to meet up somewhere, or even just send a message saying ''See you in class.''

Conversation starters could be; ''Hey, I'm (insert name). How are you?'' or if you know that they play a certain sport like volleyball, it could be a ''Hey, I saw you play volleyball yesterday and you're really good!''

Good luck :)

[Dogrules23]

I know you like several girls, but I don't think it's very good that you're sending all of them cute/complimentary emails at the same time, because if people find out about it, you're going to end up looking like a player and that's not exactly great for your reputation.

Another thing you shouldn't tell the girls is ''I'm begging you'' because it gives them way too much power and they shouldn't be allowed to toy around with you.

I think you should send one of them a message asking if they'd like to meet up somewhere, or even just send a message saying ''See you in class.''

Conversation starters could be; ''Hey, I'm (insert name). How are you?'' or if you know that they play a certain sport like volleyball, it could be a ''Hey, I saw you play volleyball yesterday and you're really good!''

Good luck :)

Everyone at my school knows each other so they each already know me. I don't go to any sports events though and don't want them to think I'm a liar.

[fairmaiden]

Everyone at my school knows each other so they each already know me. I don't go to any sports events though and don't want them to think I'm a liar.
Why don't you go to a sports event? Even if its for 10 minutes; you can tell the girl that you had to leave halfway through but you saw how good she was at playing the sport.

[Dogrules23]

Why don't you go to a sports event? Even if its for 10 minutes; you can tell the girl that you had to leave halfway through but you saw how good she was at playing the sport.
Sports events are too social for me. I don't think any of them play sports anyway.

[Dogrules23]

Any other advice?