I keep feeling it.

[Abhorrence]

It's been haunting me for weeks now, this feeling of wanting to cut and not being able to. It's making me push people away, I can't stop myself getting annoyed and hating people. Why do I push people away? Why do I still feel the need to slash my stupid wrists every second of everyday? Why can't this constant feeling go away? I got a new blade yesterday, I knew I would need it. I really do.

[amgb]

Hi Jack~ I just wanted to say that you have been doing so well in the non self harm calendar. 93 days is such a big achievement. The urges are still strong and still loud in your mind and I know they are so hard to get rid of. I also know you need the blade. It's okay to feel this way because it shows your sensitivity and this is in actual fact one of the drivers that help us grow into stronger people. I understand you are afraid of these feelings consuming you and you may not want others to be near you while you are suffering, but I also understand that you have grown so much because the 93 days has proved that and I want you to keep walking this positive path. I know that you would probably feel guilty and ashamed if you relapse, and it's okay to relapse because in our suffering we are learning and growing and we are trying not to let the misery overcome us. When we try we definitely know that we're much stronger people. Trying is a big step. I think you have done so well, and I believe that you have the strength to keep going and keep doing well. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be here to support you through it~