crowdlost
February 16th, 2015, 11:51 AM
I'll get right to it. I met my best friend (who's also a guy) when we were both 15. Now, at the age of 22 (today is LITERALLY his birthday), I find myself still longing to be with him again.
8 months ago, he cut me off. Just. Like. That. I STILL have absolutely NO idea why but I remember how it all happened like it was yesterday. He stopped replying to my texts, stopped answering my calls, avoided me everywhere, and when I went over to his house he told me to leave. Very simply. No explanation.
At the time, I thought maybe he's going through something and it'll pass. And I know what you're thinking--he was never really ur best friend bcz otherwise he wouldn't just cut you off. The thing is, HE WAS REALLY MY BEST FRIEND. We used to have more than 3 sleepovers a month (mostly at his house). We spent LITERALLY not less than 12 hours a day together. I knew EVERY SINGLE secret about him and his life. He knows...a few of mine.
I even wrote about it on this forum eight months ago...and I believed that it will pass and he will talk to me again. Then Christmas came and New Year's and now it's his birthday. My friends (who know about this "fight") stole my phone from me all day so that I wouldn't call, text or FB him on his birthday. I told them I don't want to anyway and I've moved on...but then again, here I am writing this post.
Here's the thing. I feel differently than I felt 8 months ago. I don't need someone like that in my life anymore, someone I can't trust. But here's another thing, and this one stings: I have never ever let anyone 'in' before, like I let him. And I find it difficult to make BEST friends now. I have made many new friends since 8 months ago but...I don't trust any one of them enough.
There was a closeness with this guy that's hard to describe without sounding or appearing gay, I guess. Neither of us is gay, and yet we had a "physical" friendship (kinda). Not in the sense of kissing or making out, definitely not. But when sleeping over, we share the same bed. He hugs me randomly. He puts his arm around me a lot.
That kind of stuff is what I miss about this friendship.
I just needed to let this all out. One of my friends says the reason I feel particularly angry (or whatever u wanna call it) is because I never had closure. I never knew why he cut me out of his life and that's the part that's killing me. I agree that I WANT to know why SOOOO badly, but at the same time...at this point, I THINK I might be fine not knowing. At this point, it feels like "what's the point?" There's no going back. He did this. His fault. 100% and I should man the hell up and move on.
Easier said than done, of course.
One last thing, I promise. It kills me seeing his Facebook posts now because he's always out partying or doing things with people we used to make fun of when we were friends. Harsh as it sounds, I wanted him to be miserable for losing me. And so far, he seems like nothing changed from his life while me, on the other hand, I feel like I lost a part of me.
8 months ago, he cut me off. Just. Like. That. I STILL have absolutely NO idea why but I remember how it all happened like it was yesterday. He stopped replying to my texts, stopped answering my calls, avoided me everywhere, and when I went over to his house he told me to leave. Very simply. No explanation.
At the time, I thought maybe he's going through something and it'll pass. And I know what you're thinking--he was never really ur best friend bcz otherwise he wouldn't just cut you off. The thing is, HE WAS REALLY MY BEST FRIEND. We used to have more than 3 sleepovers a month (mostly at his house). We spent LITERALLY not less than 12 hours a day together. I knew EVERY SINGLE secret about him and his life. He knows...a few of mine.
I even wrote about it on this forum eight months ago...and I believed that it will pass and he will talk to me again. Then Christmas came and New Year's and now it's his birthday. My friends (who know about this "fight") stole my phone from me all day so that I wouldn't call, text or FB him on his birthday. I told them I don't want to anyway and I've moved on...but then again, here I am writing this post.
Here's the thing. I feel differently than I felt 8 months ago. I don't need someone like that in my life anymore, someone I can't trust. But here's another thing, and this one stings: I have never ever let anyone 'in' before, like I let him. And I find it difficult to make BEST friends now. I have made many new friends since 8 months ago but...I don't trust any one of them enough.
There was a closeness with this guy that's hard to describe without sounding or appearing gay, I guess. Neither of us is gay, and yet we had a "physical" friendship (kinda). Not in the sense of kissing or making out, definitely not. But when sleeping over, we share the same bed. He hugs me randomly. He puts his arm around me a lot.
That kind of stuff is what I miss about this friendship.
I just needed to let this all out. One of my friends says the reason I feel particularly angry (or whatever u wanna call it) is because I never had closure. I never knew why he cut me out of his life and that's the part that's killing me. I agree that I WANT to know why SOOOO badly, but at the same time...at this point, I THINK I might be fine not knowing. At this point, it feels like "what's the point?" There's no going back. He did this. His fault. 100% and I should man the hell up and move on.
Easier said than done, of course.
One last thing, I promise. It kills me seeing his Facebook posts now because he's always out partying or doing things with people we used to make fun of when we were friends. Harsh as it sounds, I wanted him to be miserable for losing me. And so far, he seems like nothing changed from his life while me, on the other hand, I feel like I lost a part of me.