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John Scoop
February 11th, 2015, 03:01 PM
Hey guys, long time guest and first time poster, finally decided to give it a try.
K, so here's my deal. I met my best friend when we were 15, we were both starting out high school and she was new in my school, so me and a friend introduced her to our social group, no big deal there. As time went on, we started becoming closer and closer. We would talk or text for hours on the phone or skype. That went on for a long time until, around a year or so back, I developed strong feelings for her. They are REAL feelings. I love her so much, or, well i thought so. I waited for a month or 2 thinking it was just a crush, but when the feelings didnt go away, I knew it was real. So around last September, my school went on its annual trip, which included a 9 hour bus ride back and forth. It was great. We sat together, even cuddled for a while. We talked and talked all the way,and well, the rest of the trip went just as good. I was really convinced that she saw me that way too. Then, she started crying, after asking what was wrong, she told me that the guy whom she liked lived in that town, and didn't show up to the mall for a date. You could imagine how I felt. I was completely devastated for the rest of the trip. On the way back home, she noticed something was wrong and asked me what happened (at this point, she was still into the other guy, let just call him Z), I invented some story and just decided that these feelings would just go away. I talked to another very close friend how I felt about my best friend, let call her A. So, a while passed and December came. A was very much still into Z, since apparently he had recently started to talk to her again. I was still hurt by that, but never really cared that much about a relationship with her, I knew it wouldn't happen and I valued our friendship much more. I didn't need to take some of the final exams for that period, so I skipped the last week of classes or so. We texted during that time and I could tell that something was up, even though she denied it. December passed by and it was Christmas eve, when she finally told me that she knew about my feelings since the exam week cause she read it off my friend's cellphone. We talked about for an hour, she said she was sorry but that she really liked Z. I understood it. We didnīt talk for abut 15 days after that. When I approached again, things were different. It felt different. The hours of daily conversation turned to daily updates and awkward hellos. I was doing my best to get over my feelings, to get things back on track. Eventually I thought that things were ok, that my feelings were gone and it could all go back to normal.

Then we went back to school. She's in my class btw. First time I see her, I forget all about promising myself to get over her and get things back to normal. I tried to approach again, but there was like a barrier between us now. She had started to get more and more involved with Z. After a couple of weeks where I pretended everything was normal, she said something was wrong with me, and I lied again. This time she got angry. We didn't talk for about a week. After talking about it to some of my close friends, I decided I needed to tell her what was going on. So I did. I told her how I felt about her, how much I cared for her and how much I liked her. I told her I was sorry that my attitude had changed our friendship and things were so awkward. I told her I understood the fact that she didn't see me that way, that I wished that things would go well between her and Z, and that I needed to say that. I was completely honest with her. She responded, "ok, thx, srry" and disconnected. Yeah, I cried a lot that day.

Couple of days later, she starts trying to act friendly to me again. After that event, my feelings for her started goin away. At that point, I was just glad that we could still be friends again. For a week, things were back on track, we talked for hours on the phone, the barrier was gone, everything was great. I was doing my best to make my feelings go away and just appreciate our friendship, and I truly was succeding. Then, a couple of days ago, she gets angry at me for no reason, saying I don't trust her and that I'm pretending to be ok. I tried talking to her in the afternoon but she pushed me away, insulting me and all. Whatever, I gave her the whole day to calm down and talked to her in the night. She said she was sorry and thanked me for tolerating stuff like that (which she occasionally pulls on me). She said that anyone else would have been very angry with her and would send her away. I told her I thought about it, but decided not to. I took the chance to say some things to her. That I thought our friendship wasn't fair, that I always gave way too much and she gave almost nothing in return. That I wasn't a guy she had met yesterday to justify only saying, k, thx when I told her how I felt. That, if we left the fact out that I saw her that way, what we had wasn't fair. Well, she lost it. She said that she decides if she talks to me or not, if she is nice to me or not and that she isn't doing anything for charity. That our relationship will never be fair because I see her that way, and that she was sorry for not being the friend I wanted, but that she wasn't gonna change.

We haven't talked since. Some of my close friends know about what happened and they have all pointed out to one thing, something that deep down I know I have to do: cut her off.

We were best friends, I'm gonna recognize that. But after what she's done, how she has treated me, I don't think she deserves being my friend. I have literally spent hundreds of hours with this girl everytime when she's feeling down, expecting nothing in return, only to get a, k thx?!

I didn't want things to come to this extreme, but sometimes things happen. Any advice guys?

amgb
February 12th, 2015, 04:33 AM
Hello there. This definitely does seem like a tough situation. I can say that I understand some of your feelings because in the past I have had friends like that and I know its quite upsetting. I'm sure you and her were best of friends, and I'm glad to hear that. I'm sorry to hear that things haven't been working out and I know you care about her and you just want things to be okay and normal again. If you have done the right thing by trying to talk to her and communicate your feelings about everything and she only responds with a short quick "k thx" then in my opinion she doesn't genuinely care about or respect the friendship. It's either that, or I think she might find it hard to express herself to you. I don't know her well enough to understand her, but I'm hoping you can figure things out. Otherwise, I suggest keep trying to talk to her, however if she starts pushing you away then give her some space and tell her you care, and maybe wait until she's ready to talk again. I know it's been pretty hard for you too, I know it's hard to talk to her and I know it's hard to deal with your feelings about her while trying to juggle the friendship. And also, since she likes someone else, which I know hurts you a lot, I think it's best to just try and continue the friendship. However I know the friendship isn't working out very well at all either, and if you're sure that you want to end the friendship then my advice would be to give her a last chance with this conversation: approach her face to face, or through messaging/call/skype, whichever you are both comfortable with and tell her you want this friendship to work out. You want that but you don't feel she's putting the effort in. Tell her you want her to put that effort in, you don't want to break this apart and you want to keep being friends. If she responds well and decides to start putting in that effort then I think you can try continuing the friendship. But if she still treats you like she's been treating you before, then yes I would also suggest for you to move on because people who don't give you the attention and time you deserve simply aren't worth your effort. You've put so much effort in, I can definitely see that. I really hope things work out though, and I'm sure they will~~

JamesSuperBoy
February 12th, 2015, 07:44 AM
Seems like your friends have given good advice maybe just take a little time to think things over and see how you feel. Its never easy but try and just be your self.

John Scoop
February 12th, 2015, 08:36 PM
Thx for your replies guys but I, I fucked up.

Today I spoke to her, told her everything that I felt. I told her every single thing that I felt was wrong with our relationship. Every little detail. I did it with as much care and honesty as I could. She started crying. I told her that some of my closest friends have told me that our friendship wasn't equal, that I didn't feel appreciated. That I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep on being friends.

She cried, ran away and I tried to run after her, she told me to stay away from her and to never talk again.

I feel ashamed, stupid, like an asshole, extremely sad, I have cried like 3 times after that, and all because of my pride and acting when I was mad.

I've talked to her closest girl friend, she told me that she was seriously sad. That she has never seen her so down. I feel like thrash. She told me that A thought of me as a brother...

I have really messed up today big time. She is extremely hurt, she doesn't want to talk to me and probably won't for a loooong time. I hurt the most important person in my life, the one I cared for the most and the one I'm sure I loved. I'm kind of a wreck right now.

My best hope is giving her some space and time now, and probably try and talk to her in a couple of weeks. Wish me luck.

Guys, really, don't mess up like I did, just think things through before you go and act, really.

amgb
February 13th, 2015, 12:28 AM
Hello~ I think you did a really brave thing by talking to her about things and telling her everything you felt. That would have been a tough thing to do but I'm glad you were honest with her. I understand you don't want to hurt her and you feel ashamed and sad. It's definitely quite upsetting when we hurt someone we care about. I agree with you that she probably needs some space and time to think now and I absolutely wish you all the luck with the next chance you get to talk to her. I want to let you know that it's okay to mess up, we all mess up sometimes in life and it's normal. I don't know you but I can tell you are a strong person who is willing to put in the effort to anything and I know it's hard to bounce back from tough situations and events but it's possible. You're capable of handling things and as long as you give it your best shot, that will always be enough. And again, I really hope things work out~

John Scoop
March 19th, 2015, 11:26 PM
Well, it's been a month and a week since that happened.

She and I are best friends again. We talked for a LOT of time about it one day, all about what happened in the past months and how it affected us. After that, we got back on track. We are best friends again. I could even say that things are even better than before in our relationship.

She's still into the other guy, who apparently will come to our city for high school graduation. So yeah, there's that. We might be back on track, and our relationship is better than ever, and I'm even happy for her now and the other guy, I really am. I'm grateful to him that he can make her happy in a way I can't. I was really raelly happy and didn't suffer or think about not having her for about a couple of weeks. Recently, I started thinking about that again. I still feel the same way, but I knew that since we became friends again. She even asked me if I felt the same and I told her the truth. It didn't begin to sting again until a couple of days when I saw her cellphone and she was texting with him. I don't know, it just kinda got into me. It hurt me for a while (this happened in school) and she noticed that I was acting weird. I started lying about it again. Up to now, it seems as if she hasn't noticed.

Well, I know what I want won't happen. I mean, it's like my brain knows it and my common sense does, but I just won't let go. It's like there was this like tiny hope left, and I don't know if I want to kill it. I'm pretty sure I love her, but I'm sure things won't go that way. A week or two ago I said I was fine with their relationship, right now I'm not. I know it's selfish of me. Haven't talked to any of my friends about this, I don't think I should bother them with this anymore. I also don't wanna tell her. It's just that sometimes we have these moments when we are together and I sometimes can get the feeling that she likes me back, but I've been wrong about that before and I really don't wanna ruin what we have right now. I'm guessing I should just swallow up my feelings and all of that and just try and be happy for her, we are going to different colleges, so I won't see her as much. I'm thinking about holding up and seeing if I can lat until then, to see if the distance tkes away my feelings, because while we are in school, well, the years haven't changed how I feel.