fuck i don't know

[Magenta]

i want to die but I don't know how i'm ever going to make myself do it. i've been on this site for so long and this is nothing new. hell i have borderline personality disorder one of the diagnostic criteria is fucking suicidal ideation. I feel so alone again and everyone is drifting farther and farther away and it's all because of me. i try to get close to people and i either break them or pull away so i can spare them from nights like these where i'm a useless piece of shit. i don't know who i am anymore. i act so confident and pretend i'm happy with who i am when I want to take all 338 days self-harm free and turn that into 338 cuts just fucking everywhere because i don't deserve anything better. i can't even think straight lately and i've just been crying nonstop and now i'm even wasting space in this forum with my useless incoherent rambling. i wish I would just get hit by a bus to spare me the trouble of doing anything myself

[Lottie]

Sorry to hear you feel like this. I dont really know what to say but just thought i shuld say something. I hope you feel better soon.

[Hideous]

Jo :(

Just look at the positives for now. Look how far you've come. 338 days is quite the accomplishment, I'm so proud of you (better than how long I can push through). I know I don't have the knowledge to actually help someone mentally, I'm not a professional, but please speak to a therapist/psychiatrist. I'm here for you if you need anything, you're a wonderful person. Don't give up. It might seem like you're going through hell, but fuck it, keep going. You'll get through it at the end but just know you have someone that will support you.

[Uranus]

Jo, please don't end that amazing streak. 338, is a long ass time. You can do it! Don't end it all. I'm sure you're dealing with alot of very difficult things in your life right , but please don't end it.

I want to take all 338 days self-harm free and turn that into 338 cuts just fucking everywhere because i don't deserve anything better.

yes you do deserve better. You do! You have gone self harm free for almost an entire year. Don't give up now. Remember we are always here for you.

[LoganP1]

I do not know you personally, so I can't say much, but I can say with full confidence that if you were to end things now you'd be missing out on so many vast opportunities that await you in the future. Life is an ultimate struggle, especially for those with disorders, but each moment of breathing life is worth every endeavor you have faced. Being apart of nature and the world itself is such a beautiful thing that humanity often takes for granted. Don't be so quick to give that up for feelings that are merely temporary. It has taken me nearly my entire life to have a moment of enlightenment that forced me to come to the realization that life truly is worth living. I would encourage you to speak to a professional about these things, and try to work towards the recovery process. But if that isn't your thing then perhaps you should just take some time to yourself and focus on something you are ultimately passionate about. Put your everything into it, and try to tear your mind away from all of these negative feelings.

And despite your current mindset right now, 338 is such a major accomplishment. I know several people who could barely last for a week and you've nearly made it to an entire year. You are capable of great success even if you don't want to truly believe it. Your life has a divine purpose, so don't be so quick to throw it all away. I really hope things get better for you.