Talking to this gay guy when in the closet? UK

[Jack-Han]

Okay, I'm 15 right now in secondary school (Year 11) and i'm in the middle of preparing for my exams. I've been closeted gay for like 3 years now and It's getting to me a lot. Nobody that I honestly know is out gay or anything so I just feel really lonely right now, but I've recently started to talk to those who I think might be gay, I just think i'm desperate to attempt to talk to someone openly I guess :/

I don't think I can really trust ANYONE I know really about my sexuality which makes it so difficult to live with. However, I heard last week that there was this guy in year 10 who is apparently supposed to be gay - He most likely is out and gay. When talking to my friends about this guy my eyes lit up and thought 'great! I can talk to someone finally'... sorta...

Im that desperate I just wanna talk to this guy. We've never spoke a word to each other but i've seen him in school a few times and it's funny because I actually suspected that guy to be gay and I was right! How do you just happen to approach this guy? I can't just message him, that would be wayy too awkward... He'd be confused on why I was talking to him and if people found out that I was talking to him then they'd probably point the fingers and say that I was gay too... something I don't want to deal with right now :/

I couldn't possibly talk to him at school either, especially when his friends are around.

Do you think i'm being too obsessive? I've put UK in the title because i don't know if it's different in the states where talking to others at school seems easier/ less awkward.. lol I dunno

Any response would be really great, thanks! :)

[Thunderstorm]

I can tell you it's no different in the states unless you're in a big city. At least gay marriage is legal in most of the UK, but not here, yet.

I actually had the same problem, but the gay guy in 12th grade messaged me first telling me that my secret is safe with him. This made me feel comfortable. I'm sure if he was really gay, this guy would understand your problems and he wouldn't think it was awkward for you to message him. He would relate to your situation. Just shoot him a message, but only if you know for sure he is really gay.

[mrmee]

I can tell you it's no different in the states unless you're in a big city. At least gay marriage is legal in most of the UK, but not here, yet.

I actually had the same problem, but the gay guy in 12th grade messaged me first telling me that my secret is safe with him. This made me feel comfortable. I'm sure if he was really gay, this guy would understand your problems and he wouldn't think it was awkward for you to message him. He would relate to your situation. Just shoot him a message, but only if you know for sure he is really gay.

Actually gay marriage is legal in I think 37 states now.

Going to a small rural school, I know everyone in the entire school by name, so I can basically walk up to anyone and have a conversation. Out of 4 grades and 350 kids, only one guy and two girls are openly gay/lesbian, and they still get treated the same as anyone else.

[Thunderstorm]

Actually gay marriage is legal in I think 37 states now.

Going to a small rural school, I know everyone in the entire school by name, so I can basically walk up to anyone and have a conversation. Out of 4 grades and 350 kids, only one guy and two girls are openly gay/lesbian, and they still get treated the same as anyone else.

Firstly, I was referring to legality on a federal level. It is legal in most states but not federally, YET.

Second, it's not accepted everywhere. I'll admit, I live 45 minutes from NYC so I'm in one of the most accepting regions in the country. Does that mean every little corner is accepting? No. I live in one of the most segregated areas of the country. My school is 98% Caucasian, 90% Italian and 95% Catholic. I'm neither Caucasian nor Italian (not to mention straight). It's a pretty conservative ideal in my suburb. I've encountered plenty of judging, from kids as young as 5th graders. So don't assume it's accepted everywhere, because if you do then you're in for a rude awakening after you leave your rural small town.

[mrmee]

Firstly, I was referring to legality on a federal level. It is legal in most states but not federally, YET.

Second, it's not accepted everywhere. I'll admit, I live 45 minutes from NYC so I'm in one of the most accepting regions in the country. Does that mean every little corner is accepting? No. I live in one of the most segregated areas of the country. My school is 98% Caucasian, 90% Italian and 95% Catholic. I'm neither Caucasian nor Italian (not to mention straight). It's a pretty conservative ideal in my suburb. I've encountered plenty of judging, from kids as young as 5th graders. So don't assume it's accepted everywhere, because if you do then you're in for a rude awakening after you leave your rural small town.

I agree. If your not a white Christian German here, you might as well have a foreign sports can and a chihuahua. And you can just imagine how that would be on a farm. We just don't have and discrimination against being gay.

[Faolan]

Marriage equality doesn't end the stigma around being gay. It raises awareness and is awesome, but that's not even half of the equation. I say talk to him if you can. You're not being obsessive.

[DoodleSnap]

I know the feeling of wanting to talk to someone, but being unable to find a "reason" to do so. My best plan would be to message him, saying you wanted to talk to him. Just say hi - I know it seems scary from your end, but to them it'll just seem casual. Look at things from their perspective and you will see that it is not so scary really. Also, hello fellow Briton!