Changing my gender. Need some opinions.

[Tyson S]

As you are aware of my signature that I am simply "Gay". However I need general advice.

I want to change my gender, (I want to be a girl), I've been thinking about it since I was 14 but never actually took to talking with my parents about it (I guess I'm just scared they will "Disown me" or say no.

Now I am really thinking about going ahead and changing it. What I need is some advice (any really) on how to tell my family and how to go about it.

This is a very touching subject because I want kids in my life but if I become a female, I simply cannot have kids.

Any advice Queries or information would be greatly appreciated!

[Calliope]

You kind of sound like you're making it a choice and being transgender isn't a choice. You can make a decision to explore your gender, but you can't just say "Okay, I'm a girl now." You should be sure that you really, truly are a girl.

I also don't really get what you mean by "changing your gender." Do you want surgery, or are you just going to start wearing feminine clothing and makeup and stuff? A big change like that doesn't happen overnight.

And if you're scared they'll disown you or something after coming out, try to get their opinion on trans people before you do it. If they turn out to be transphobic, I wouldn't come out.

If you're totally positive about being female, I think you should tell your parents you need to seriously talk to them about something important. Sit down with them somewhere and start off with the fact that you've been thinking about it since you were 14, so they know this isn't something totally out of the blue. And just explain that you know you're not a boy, you're a girl.


It's almost 3 AM here, so I hope this made sense. Good luck!

[Arkansasguy]

As you are aware of my signature that I am simply "Gay". However I need general advice.

I want to change my gender, (I want to be a girl), I've been thinking about it since I was 14 but never actually took to talking with my parents about it (I guess I'm just scared they will "Disown me" or say no.

Now I am really thinking about going ahead and changing it. What I need is some advice (any really) on how to tell my family and how to go about it.

This is a very touching subject because I want kids in my life but if I become a female, I simply cannot have kids.

Any advice Queries or information would be greatly appreciated!

It's not possible to actually change your gender, only to make a few superficial changes. So I would advise you not to do it but rather to accept who you are.

[James Dean]

Talk to a professional psychologist who deals with and are sexuality and gender specialists. In order to even start to think of transitioning you would need to speak with them so they can learn more about your situation.

[SethfromMI]

You kind of sound like you're making it a choice and being transgender isn't a choice. You can make a decision to explore your gender, but you can't just say "Okay, I'm a girl now." You should be sure that you really, truly are a girl.

I also don't really get what you mean by "changing your gender." Do you want surgery, or are you just going to start wearing feminine clothing and makeup and stuff? A big change like that doesn't happen overnight.

And if you're scared they'll disown you or something after coming out, try to get their opinion on trans people before you do it. If they turn out to be transphobic, I wouldn't come out.

If you're totally positive about being female, I think you should tell your parents you need to seriously talk to them about something important. Sit down with them somewhere and start off with the fact that you've been thinking about it since you were 14, so they know this isn't something totally out of the blue. And just explain that you know you're not a boy, you're a girl.


It's almost 3 AM here, so I hope this made sense. Good luck!

some very practical advice. it is no easy decision and sadly I am not really sure what to say is the best action to take. just think very carefully before you do anything which cannot be reversed

[Tyson S]

I have thought long and hard and every time I think about being a girl its always clicks Yes I really want to be a girl.

[Karkat]

It's not possible to actually change your gender, only to make a few superficial changes. So I would advise you not to do it but rather to accept who you are.

This is untrue, and can actually be misleading and hurtful to trans teens.

While you cannot have a perfectly male or female body if you have operations and hormonal treatment, there are ways to alter yourself to become enough of the opposite gender to live a satisfying life.

To a transgender teen, pelvic bone shape and facial structure probably do not matter.

Being in a body that doesn't make them uncomfortable and insecure matters.

[JamesSuperBoy]

As you are aware of my signature that I am simply "Gay". However I need general advice.

I want to change my gender, (I want to be a girl), I've been thinking about it since I was 14 but never actually took to talking with my parents about it (I guess I'm just scared they will "Disown me" or say no.

Now I am really thinking about going ahead and changing it. What I need is some advice (any really) on how to tell my family and how to go about it.

This is a very touching subject because I want kids in my life but if I become a female, I simply cannot have kids.

Any advice Queries or information would be greatly appreciated!

I think my best shot on this is for you to just look around and see what help advice may be available to you. I mean by that any goups or clinics psychology etc. There might be organisations local or national you can email or call. Now I am not pre judging the help you may need or want just best to seek out the sources and make contact now. Even some written info - print out web sites etc. Parents will ask and have every right to ask questions I think haveing the written stuff just allows them and you some space in the deal. But of course some of the organisations may have a tell your family help thing as well.

I will nnot pretend I know how you feel we are all unique but I do wish you well its a big step. HUGS

[boytoynamedtroy]

As you are aware of my signature that I am simply "Gay". However I need general advice.

I want to change my gender, (I want to be a girl), I've been thinking about it since I was 14 but never actually took to talking with my parents about it (I guess I'm just scared they will "Disown me" or say no.

Now I am really thinking about going ahead and changing it. What I need is some advice (any really) on how to tell my family and how to go about it.

This is a very touching subject because I want kids in my life but if I become a female, I simply cannot have kids.

Any advice Queries or information would be greatly appreciated!

I hope this reply will not be construed as an attack to transgenders. But I'll go ahead and advise you not to do it, if by changing my gender, you mean undergoing a surgical sex change. I mean, we, as a gay community, are all about accepting ourselves for who we are. We say things like, we were born this way and this is who we are. But if you change your gender, then you're modifying the person you were born as. That's just my perspective.

I hope you'll learn to love yourself for who you are, as a gay male. Besides, if you really want to have kids one day, then keeping your gender would be the way to do it. Best wishes! Hope I helped. :)

[Arkansasguy]

This is untrue, and can actually be misleading and hurtful to trans teens.

While you cannot have a perfectly male or female body if you have operations and hormonal treatment, there are ways to alter yourself to become enough of the opposite gender to live a satisfying life.

To a transgender teen, pelvic bone shape and facial structure probably do not matter.

Being in a body that doesn't make them uncomfortable and insecure matters.

Sure, a body can be mutilated to look one way or the other, but you can't change the DNA. So you don't end up with a body of the opposite gender, you end up with a mutilated body of the same gender. It's really just a bad idea. And I haven't even gotten into all the turmoil (depression, suicide, regrets) which tend to plague people who've had these operations.

[Tyson S]

Sure, a body can be mutilated to look one way or the other, but you can't change the DNA. So you don't end up with a body of the opposite gender, you end up with a mutilated body of the same gender. It's really just a bad idea. And I haven't even gotten into all the turmoil (depression, suicide, regrets) which tend to plague people who've had these operations.

Sure you cant change dna but its what I want.

[JamesSuperBoy]

Sure you cant change dna but its what I want.

I do see many opinions here - adding to my earlier post then some of these points raised maybe just what your parents MAY think of and even friends.

Some maybe will be what any gender change clinic may ask - if you have thought off @@@ etc - so yeah take a look and think.

I need have no opinion on gender alignment surgery or care my opinion the OP should explore and consider and be hugged.

I wish you well bro -

[Magenta]

Okay let me explain here: you cannot "change" your gender. Gender is something that you feel, that is a part of you. If you feel like you are female, you are not changing your gender. You are female in a male body. What you seem to want to change is the body you were born into to feel more comfortable.

You cannot change your gender.

You can question your gender, you can learn to understand the gender binary and spectrum beyond that, but it's not something that you can just willingly change because you say that's what you want to be unless you're specifically referring to physical changes.

Now that that's out of the way, to those saying you should just accept that you were "born this way" yes. You should accept, if it's how you feel, that you were born female in a male body. Changing your body does not mean changing who you are, just changing physical appearance. However, there are many things to consider. Depending on where you live, you'll probably need to speak to a therapist first. You need to understand the health risks you would be taking. You need to understand that this is not something you can easily reverse. I'm not saying that what you feel is invalid, just that there is a lot to undergo if you were to fully transition. Some transgender individuals know right away that is what they have to do. Some who are still questioning don't take that leap, even experiencing some dysphoria because it's a major life change.

A sex change =/= changing your gender. Gender is something you are born with, just like your sexuality, and similarly you discover typically as you are older but some people know from a young age.

Keep this in mind. This whole conversation about keeping vs changing your gender is not possible. I think a lot of people are getting terminology confused and therefore this is all becoming very misinterpreted.

[Thunderstorm]

Sure, a body can be mutilated to look one way or the other, but you can't change the DNA. So you don't end up with a body of the opposite gender, you end up with a mutilated body of the same gender. It's really just a bad idea. And I haven't even gotten into all the turmoil (depression, suicide, regrets) which tend to plague people who've had these operations.

All the depression, suicide and regrets actually comes BEFORE the operation. That's the reason that people change their bodies, because they feel like they will not fit in otherwise.

[Arkansasguy]

Sure you cant change dna but its what I want.

If you undergo this surgery, you're likely to regret it later, plus it's known to cause lots of mental problems, and it's irreversible.

All the depression, suicide and regrets actually comes BEFORE the operation. That's the reason that people change their bodies, because they feel like they will not fit in otherwise.

No . . .

People who've had transgender surgery have a suicide rate twenty times higher than the general population. Meanwhile 70-80% of people who've had transgender feelings and haven't received drugs or surgery, recover.

[Karkat]

Sure, a body can be mutilated to look one way or the other, but you can't change the DNA. So you don't end up with a body of the opposite gender, you end up with a mutilated body of the same gender. It's really just a bad idea. And I haven't even gotten into all the turmoil (depression, suicide, regrets) which tend to plague people who've had these operations.

The reason for this is that transgender people are treated like shit in society.

We are viewed as disgusting, immoral, confused. We are not taken seriously. Some of us are even harassed or killed because of who we are.

And then there's the people like you who don't get it.

[Arkansasguy]

The reason for this is that transgender people are treated like shit in society.

We are viewed as disgusting, immoral, confused. We are not taken seriously. Some of us are even harassed or killed because of who we are.

And then there's the people like you who don't get it.

Any evidence that that's the reason?

[Karkat]

Any evidence that that's the reason?

Yes, life as a transgendered person.

If you're not transgender, I don't really think you can say otherwise because you'd literally have no way of knowing.

[Thunderstorm]

Yes, life as a transgendered person.

If you're not transgender, I don't really think you can say otherwise because you'd literally have no way of knowing.

I don't like to make assumptions but judging from his name, he is a redneck hick republican from the deep southern state of Arkansas who doesn't understand other people's feelings and morals. Let's not even give him the privilege of talking to us.

[Microcosm]

I think you should really think about it. Personally, I think you should make sure that you can't first accept who you are, or who you were born to be at least. But if you're really sure that you want to be a female for the rest of your life, then I'm happy you are willing to make that decision. Whatever you decide, best of luck to you, my friend. :)

[RandAnonPers]

Just be yourself.


the easiest way to put it.


People who don't agree shouldn't even matter. Your gender shouldn't affect anyone.

Now, you go on and be the best woman that will ever walk this earth :)

[Arkansasguy]

Yes, life as a transgendered person.

If you're not transgender, I don't really think you can say otherwise because you'd literally have no way of knowing.

So subjective, and quite irrelevant since you obviously haven't committed suicide, and I'm assuming you haven't gone through any operations.

And that's an ad hominem you made against me.

[Magenta]

So subjective, and quite irrelevant since you obviously haven't committed suicide, and I'm assuming you haven't gone through any operations.

And that's an ad hominem you made against me.

Wow, if only we had a way of getting those previously suicidal people to explain to us exactly how they were feeling and why. Oh yeah, we can't because they're dead and plenty of transgender teens are dead long before they can get an operation because of people telling them no or people like you who think their feelings are invalid. So I'm not sure how talking to a living person is irrelevant to you. You wanted an answer and you got one but because they're still breathing, that's an issue?

Not to mention, there are transgender and various other non-binary teens who choose not to surgically transition but that doesn't mean that there aren't people who need to go through these operations to make them feel better in their bodies. It is a very personal decision that, while we can inform and advise, we have no say over. So this is all rather a moot point.

[Arkansasguy]

Wow, if only we had a way of getting those previously suicidal people to explain to us exactly how they were feeling and why. Oh yeah, we can't because they're dead and plenty of transgender teens are dead long before they can get an operation because of people telling them no or people like you who think their feelings are invalid. So I'm not sure how talking to a living person is irrelevant to you. You wanted an answer and you got one but because they're still breathing, that's an issue?

Not to mention, there are transgender and various other non-binary teens who choose not to surgically transition but that doesn't mean that there aren't people who need to go through these operations to make them feel better in their bodies. It is a very personal decision that, while we can inform and advise, we have no say over. So this is all rather a moot point.

His subjective experience is irrelevant to the question of why people who've had transgender operationa have an extremely high suicide rate, since he presumably has neither committed suicide nor had such an operation.