I think I want to have sex with this guy..

[TheGentleHerbivore]

[TL;DR At the bottom]

Firstly, I have always identified as asexual, that's why I find this weird.

There's this guy I've seen around my school for a couple years, and only recently have spoken to, and I've always kind of had a crush on him.

I mean I've never thought about him in a sexual situation and I've never been turned on when looking at him (is that even a thing? I think I read somewhere that it is, correct me if I'm wrong), just as I don't with anyone else, being asexual and all.
But I feel like if he were to want to have sex with me then I would be okay with it (as long as we dated for a bit before it happens, of course).
Whereas with anyone else before him I wouldn't be (even people I have been in relationships with).

Upon realizing this I thought maybe I was a Gray-Asexual (A term for someone between asexual and sexual), because many Gray-Asexuals do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes. Whereas Asexuals don't experience it ever.

But I just don't know because it's only with him, then again I'm only 15 and there could be more people. And I don't even know if this is actually sexual attraction, or just the fact that I'm very comfortable with him, or what.

Because I don't feel any kind of drive/desire to have sex with him, I just feel like I would be okay with it if he wanted to (is it desire that I'm feeling? indifference? it feels like a bit more than just indifference, there maybe a hint of interest, I think, a kind of curiosity I haven't ever felt before).

So if anyone out there could explain to me what sexual attraction feels like (is there even a specific feeling? are you people even going to be able to answer this?) because I don't really know, I really need to figure out if this is what I'm feeling or not.

It's just strange.

Dang it, and just when I thought I got myself all figured out. :P

[TL;DR] I'm asexual, I think I might be feeling sexual attraction to one specific individual but I'm not sure because I hardly know what sexual attraction is apart from the definition. Could you explain what it feels like to me so that I can determine if I'm feeling it or not?

[Thunderstorm]

From my experience, sexual attraction is an extremely strong appeal towards someone that plays on your physical body parts. It can (but doesn't have to) involve emotional attraction.

You could be experiencing a sexual attraction towards this guy. However, you did so that you have not thought about him sexually. Therefore, it sounds like a case of lust to me. You have a physical desire for this guy, however you don't have any emotional connection. You can still be asexual and attracted physically to someone.

[Meh Guy]

It sounds like you're sexually attracted to him. The part where you say you have no drive may be because you're asexual, you don't necessarily want to go after sex, or don't know how to. Or, this could be like a lesser form of sexual attraction, where you'd be okay with having sex, but not having sex is fine too. Either way, maybe you should give it a shot, see how you feel about it a couple weeks or months down the road.

But this does sound like a sexual attraction in my opinion.

[Abhorrence]

I don't understand really why you want to fit into a label so badly? I might be reading that wrong but it seems like you desperately want your mind to be labelled by this asexual or gray-asexual term. Not everybody fits into one category no matter how many categories there are.

I don't think people get turned on by looking at someone but generally they do at the thought of having sex with them. I honestly don't know, that's just how it goes for me.

[TheGentleHerbivore]

I don't understand really why you want to fit into a label so badly? I might be reading that wrong but it seems like you desperately want your mind to be labelled by this asexual or gray-asexual term. Not everybody fits into one category no matter how many categories there are.

It's not that I want to fit into some label, it's that I want to understand myself better, and finding a term that accurately describes me helps with that.
A person's sexuality is a large part of who they are, so I'm trying to figure myself out rather than leaving that part of me a blank page.

I know that gender and sexual orientation are two different things combined in many different ways. And therefore finding a label that describes anyone perfectly is like finding a needle in a haystack.

But it always helps to have a word to use when people ask you about your sexuality rather than confusing them by saying "I choose not to label myself".

[DoodleSnap]

From my experience, sexual attraction is an extremely strong appeal towards someone that plays on your physical body parts. It can (but doesn't have to) involve emotional attraction.

You could be experiencing a sexual attraction towards this guy. However, you did so that you have not thought about him sexually. Therefore, it sounds like a case of lust to me. You have a physical desire for this guy, however you don't have any emotional connection. You can still be asexual and attracted physically to someone.
Yeah, this makes a lot of sense to me. The human mind is a complicated thing that no one fully understands yet, so try not to worry too much if you don't perfectly fit a certain label.

[SethfromMI]

well give it some thought. maybe you are not actually a-sexual or even gray-sexual. that is always a possibility too

[TheGentleHerbivore]

It sounds like you're sexually attracted to him. The part where you say you have no drive may be because you're asexual, you don't necessarily want to go after sex, or don't know how to. Or, this could be like a lesser form of sexual attraction, where you'd be okay with having sex, but not having sex is fine too. Either way, maybe you should give it a shot, see how you feel about it a couple weeks or months down the road.

But this does sound like a sexual attraction in my opinion.


Yeah, this feeling is like I would be fine with having sex but I would also be just as okay with not having sex. Whereas with everyone else I felt very repulsed at the idea. But with him I feel more open about it.

We've been talking more to each other lately, I'll just see where this goes and if these feelings fade or stay.