When you find out the truth about the past

[strongheart]

a long time ago i knew there was something up with my sister
we are almost 6 years apart, so at the time it was happening, i was only in like 5th and 6th grade, and my parents kept everything from me.

i only remember what i thought was real. I remember the crying and yelling and slamming of doors and all the other shit that went on with my parents and sister. I remember her leaving for a guy who's girlfriend had just been hit by a train.

But now, my mom has told me everything. She made it seem like my sister was so mean to me and that I was a victim. Then why do I not remember that. I believe that my sister loved me, sure, we didn't have the greatest relationship, but it was still ok. If I really was this so called victim of her verbal abuse then I should remember it, right?

My parents say that my sister screwed up her life because of what she did. She didn't graduate high school but that does not necessarily mean that her whole like is screwed up. I believe my sister is a good person and now she has kind of gotten past the rough times and is starting her life up again. Perfect timing, because my life is falling apart now. anyways.. the main issue is that I can't fully trust what my mom told me about my sisters past but I don't have the guts to ask my sister. My sis has been out of the country for 6 months, and now that she is back, how do i start to build the relationship with her that i always wanted? I don't know how to be comfortable with her now that she's back.

[Rutherford The Brave]

Im new as you can see, but I think that you should confront her maybe on the phone or on any instant messaging program. Not to sound mean or anything but you have to be the one to start the conversation, cause it seems as though she's probably not going to come to you. Also its very hard to admit about being scared so I respect you now for your bravery, but she'll be inclined to tell you what happened to her if you sit down and tell her that it you want to build a relationship with her.

-KGTM

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

Like KGTM said, you'll need to talk to your sister yourself if you want to her from her about this. She probably doesn't know how much you know about it all, or even that you're thinking about it, so she's not likely to bring it up herself all out of the blue. I suggest a phone call, or meeting with her for coffee or ice cream one day, and having a chat. Be aware that your mother and your sister probably have different perspectives on the way things happened, so if your sister says things were a little different don't automatically assume your mother was lying to you.

As for building a relationship with your sister, maybe you should start by calling her, letting her know you're glad she's back in the area. Ask how her life is going, tell her about yours, set up a day and general time for you to call back (or for her to call you), when you'll both be free to talk, and go from there. I know you want to know about what happened when you were younger, but maybe don't start with that? Your sister will tell you when she feels comfortable, and I'm sure if you call her up and right off the bat interrogate her, she won't feel comfortable and it could make building a relationship with her a bit tougher. So, I'd start with relationship building first, and if it comes up in conversation (which is probably will, sooner or later), go ahead and ask her about it.