I Have Issues

[TheGentleHerbivore]

I'm beginning to think I have depression and anxiety issues.
I mean - I've known for a while, but I'm starting to think I should get help.

My anxiety is through the roof. I'm constantly trembling/shaking, particularly when I'm speaking to other people, or even just thinking about speaking to other people.

I only have one friend and whenever we're together he's the only one talking.

I can't even so much as hug people. I was crying one day and my dad went to give me a hug and I instinctively pushed him away.

As for my depression, back in May and April I had thought about suicide on multiple occasions, and attempted to take my own life, I was nearly successful too.

Since then I have attempted self-harm to see if it actually helps, and it does. But after sawing away at my arm I decided never to do it again because I realize there are better ways to relieve the sadness.

I want to tell my dad about all this and get help for myself but since he doesn't know about anything that has gone on, I'm not sure how to bring it up.

I think know why I feel the way I do. Previous bad life experiences, y'know.
I figure it's because I just can't move on from what has happened in the past.
I know I should just forget about it but whenever I feel memories slipping away I grab on and bring them back.
I think I do this because these experiences have made me who I am today, and a part of me fears that if I lose the memories, I'll lose myself.

Lately it's been affecting my school, I can't think clearly, or remember things like deadlines, I just can't concentrate. Projects often go unfinished and I may fail a couple courses as a result.

I'm really confused.

[Magenta]

You're never going to forget and you're right -- your experiences shape a part of who you are. But what you want to do is form new, better experiences to make yourself new and better than how you feel now. One way to do that is getting help. It won't be fun but it's a big leap in the right direction.

Don't worry about school right now. I had to take an extra year of high school because I was dealing with the same issues as you and a few more. But it was worth the time I had to make up because I did get help.

Maybe try writing your dad a letter? I've always found that helps with the anxiety. Pour it out on paper and end it with an explanation of why you couldn't tell him in person and maybe to give you some space and approach the subject carefully so that you're more comfortable. Would that sound like something you're able to do?

You know you want help, you know what's the issue, and you know these feelings and behaviours are unhealthy. You're a lot farther along the road to getting better than a lot of people and than you might believe. Now you just have to reach out to someone about it. Starting here was not a bad idea at all. :)

[Dygarde]

I am glad you are still with us because you are special in your own way. If you look back on your life you have inspired a lot of people to be like you, now look forward at all the people you have yet to meet. You have a wonderful life ahead of you. My advise is to get help and as for talking to your dad, a letter is a wonderful idea. You have recognized a problem and are on the path to live a happier life now. Depression and anxiety are very common especially around the teenage years and although the symptoms and feelings may lessen with time, the sooner you get help the sooner you will start to feel like yourself again.

[TheGentleHerbivore]

You're never going to forget and you're right -- your experiences shape a part of who you are. But what you want to do is form new, better experiences to make yourself new and better than how you feel now. One way to do that is getting help. It won't be fun but it's a big leap in the right direction.

Don't worry about school right now. I had to take an extra year of high school because I was dealing with the same issues as you and a few more. But it was worth the time I had to make up because I did get help.

Maybe try writing your dad a letter? I've always found that helps with the anxiety. Pour it out on paper and end it with an explanation of why you couldn't tell him in person and maybe to give you some space and approach the subject carefully so that you're more comfortable. Would that sound like something you're able to do?

You know you want help, you know what's the issue, and you know these feelings and behaviours are unhealthy. You're a lot farther along the road to getting better than a lot of people and than you might believe. Now you just have to reach out to someone about it. Starting here was not a bad idea at all. :)

This helped a lot, I really appreciate the help.
I wrote my dad a letter (which was way easier than speaking to his face would have been), and he took it better than I thought he would.

I've been diagnosed with Major Depressive and Generalized Anxiety, and I'm taking medication to fix that now.

If you look back on your life you have inspired a lot of people to be like you, now look forward at all the people you have yet to meet. You have a wonderful life ahead of you.

Thank you, I guess I just need to learn to live in the present rather than in the past.
I'm sure things will get better, they always do.

[Magenta]

This helped a lot, I really appreciate the help.
I wrote my dad a letter (which was way easier than speaking to his face would have been), and he took it better than I thought he would.

I've been diagnosed with Major Depressive and Generalized Anxiety, and I'm taking medication to fix that now.

I'm really glad this worked for you and that it was so well-received. The letter method is always a good idea. I hope things start looking up for you now that you're receiving a bit more support.